[fille_folle]

Does anyone else feel intense paranoia at being watched by their T? I feel like a deer in the headlights. I fantasize about hiding or T keeping her eyes closed. I feel scorched by her gaze. I can't stop wondering what she's thinking and it's torture. Whenever I make any little move, I immediately start obsessing over if she saw it and how she'll interpret it. I feel crazy. Can anyone relate?

Originally Posted by fille_folle

Does anyone else feel intense paranoia at being watched by their T? I feel like a deer in the headlights. I fantasize about hiding or T keeping her eyes closed. I feel scorched by her gaze. I can't stop wondering what she's thinking and it's torture. Whenever I make any little move, I immediately start obsessing over if she saw it and how she'll interpret it. I feel crazy. Can anyone relate?

Yes. turn your chair around if it helps. Thats how I manage. Do what works for you until you can cope better. Your t should be able to handle it.

[fille_folle]

Originally Posted by estellanomore

Yes. turn your chair around if it helps. Thats how I manage. Do what works for you until you can cope better. Your t should be able to handle it.

I can't, there's only a couch.

Originally Posted by fille_folle

I can't, there's only a couch.

The floor works well for me. You could try that?

[fille_folle]

Hmm, that's a thought.

[zoiecat]

I have the same problem. I told my therapist that I feel like a caged wild animal, an injured animal and he's just staring at me feeling pity.

[MRT6211]

That’s how I used to feel with my old T when I was doing psychodynamic therapy. She made me feel like every little move I made or expression on my face was going to be deeply analyzed. I closed up and kinda almost curled up in a ball in therapy most of the time because of that. But there was one plus side to that, I was able to communicate a lot with her through my body language so sometimes I didn’t have to say anything for her to know what the problem was. While that was nice and left me feeling connected in a way, it was still wildly uncomfortable.

Current CBT T just calls me out on my body language when I’m “acting like a child.” And tells me to start acting like the grown adult I am lol. Shows you the difference between the two schools of therapy for sure.

I think that's the reason why I continued with the phone sessions for the entire time my t lived out of state (it was going on 3 years I believe) - because I could not see or feel her seeing me. When she moved back and I started seeing her in person again it took some getting used to, that seeing her seeing me thing. I close my eyes sometimes still while I'm talking so I don't have to see her seeing me. I can still feel her looking at me though. Sometimes I tell her not to look at me.

[ElectricManatee]

I have found it intense and a little stressful at times to be so profoundly "seen" by my therapist. She sometimes makes me feel like she can read my mind, which I used to hate. (I don't mind as much anymore.)

Have you tried telling your therapist how you feel? Maybe she has some ideas about how to make it better, either by changing the physical setup or looking away more often or something. Or if you want to know what she's thinking can you ask? I think some amount of scrutiny is part of the deal with therapy, but I don't think it should be so intense that it makes you feel paranoid or crazy.

[fille_folle]

Originally Posted by ElectricManatee

I have found it intense and a little stressful at times to be so profoundly "seen" by my therapist. She sometimes makes me feel like she can read my mind, which I used to hate. (I don't mind as much anymore.)

Have you tried telling your therapist how you feel? Maybe she has some ideas about how to make it better, either by changing the physical setup or looking away more often or something. Or if you want to know what she's thinking can you ask? I think some amount of scrutiny is part of the deal with therapy, but I don't think it should be so intense that it makes you feel paranoid or crazy.

Yes, I sometimes feel like maybe she can read my mind. I might be able to work myself up to ask what she's thinking. I will try today. I have a sneaking suspicion that she will respond by asking me what I think she's thinking, why I want to know what she's thinking, or if I'm worried about what she's thinking. But maybe she will tell me, too.

[fille_folle]

Originally Posted by MRT6211

That’s how I used to feel with my old T when I was doing psychodynamic therapy. She made me feel like every little move I made or expression on my face was going to be deeply analyzed. I closed up and kinda almost curled up in a ball in therapy most of the time because of that. But there was one plus side to that, I was able to communicate a lot with her through my body language so sometimes I didn’t have to say anything for her to know what the problem was. While that was nice and left me feeling connected in a way, it was still wildly uncomfortable.

Current CBT T just calls me out on my body language when I’m “acting like a child.” And tells me to start acting like the grown adult I am lol. Shows you the difference between the two schools of therapy for sure.

Ugh, as much as I feel scrutinized, I would not appreciate my T telling me I'm being childish. I already know that, I don't need the added shame of being called out in such a direct way. But I'm also not a fan of CBT. I think the worst thing a T has ever said about my body language was to tell me I didn't need to cower. That was embarrassing, but she said it in a non-judgemental way.

[pepper_mint]

I don't like this staring as well.
It's strange, and you don't know what do they think at that moment :-/
It's not comfortable for me and I would be more open if I sit behind some curtain.
On the other hand - it's a therapy! And probably I'm there for a reason and one of them is difficulty in sitting in front of someone who is staring at me :P

[fille_folle]

I didn't end up having to ask my T what she was thinking today, because she just told me. I disclosed a big secret that had been weighing on me, she responded really well, and that alleviated some of the discomfort I felt with her looking at me.

I find it comforting when T watches me. I dont worry about her judging me, because she doesnt. I dont worry about what she is thinking about me because 1- whatever she is thinking is to help me 2- she is probably coming up with a solution to something 3- someone’s thoughts cant hurt me.

[fille_folle]

Originally Posted by Starry_Night

I find it comforting when T watches me. I dont worry about her judging me, because she doesnt. I dont worry about what she is thinking about me because 1- whatever she is thinking is to help me 2- she is probably coming up with a solution to something 3- someone’s thoughts cant hurt me.

I think I just need more time. I haven't been seeing this T very long, so I'm still learning to trust her.

[Amyjay]

One of my alters hates the T looking at her. She is very ashamed. She wishes to hide under the table but she just turns her body away and covers herself with her hands. She has told the T to not look at her before.

[SummerTime12]

Lol just today I asked my T not to look at me while I disclosed something really personal. I feel very self conscious when he just stares

I don't get self-conscious during a 1:1 conversation with a T - I look at the other person just as much and focus on the verbal exchange. But I really don't like when it is one sided, for example when I tried to lie down on the couch once and could not see the T but knew that he was looking at me - that felt very unnatural and hierarchical and, instead helping me think/talk more freely, it did the opposite.

[fille_folle]

Originally Posted by Amyjay

One of my alters hates the T looking at her. She is very ashamed. She wishes to hide under the table but she just turns her body away and covers herself with her hands. She has told the T to not look at her before.

I have been guilty of hiding under my longtime T's table when I'm not myself. It's very embarrassing. My current T doesn't have any furniture to hide under, so hopefully I will be able to avoid any unseemly behavior.

[dlantern]

Put a mask on, i agree some of this is too much. Reading folks music media we will have sad lost generation if it don't lessening up some

[coolibrarian]

I like that my T looks at me, because it gives me the attention I didn't have as a child. Sometimes, if things get too difficult, *I* look away from *her*. When I look back, there she is, looking at me. Sometimes she'll say, "I'm still here."