For those giving a gift

I know there is a similar thread on gift giving over the holidays but my question is slightly different and I didn't want to hijack that thread.

I am going to give my T a card for the holidays but I'm still undecided as to whether I'm going to give a small token gift. I'm giving small token gifts (all less than $20) to my child's teachers, childminder, cleaner, department team at work along with a few others. None of these people are my friends nor do I want them to be. It is purely a small token of thanks during a holiday which is meant to celebrate giving and I do not think giving them a gift will blur any boundaries of what our relationship is. I'm not sure why I'm fussing over not giving one so much but I think it's mainly that I fear it will not be accepted or in other words rejected and I don't really want to experience that.

Anyway, if I do decide to give a small token gift I'm unsure of what is appropriate to give. What are those of you who are giving one planning to give? I was thinking something really simple like a bookmark, chocolates, a nice pen, a desk calendar, a book or something.

I’m giving my t various teas because we drink it all the time might as well stock him up. Also, he helped me with my driving phobia and because of that I was able to get to a handmade soap making class. Giving him a couple of the results (he is a fan of essential oils) the last part I worry might be a bit weird and personal but I think he will understand the connection to our work.

if i was you, i would ask policy first, i don't get why there is boundaries anyway as you said, its perfectly normal to give gifts to people outside family or friends, so its stupid to be limited here but anyway, my T is very boundary pushing on many things so i was very shocked when he said no to gifts. i was not gonna give anything anyway but i was curious so i asked.

just to be safe, ask first. thats my advice to you

Yes, I will probably do this. It's just such a weird thing to ask IMO. I mean it takes from actually giving the gift to ask a week before 'Will you accept a gift next week'? I mean it also gives them the opportunity to say 'oh no you don't need to do that' kind of thing

My T got cookies from me today but it wasn't really a gift, I just made lot of cookies and there is no one to eat them. He seemed to like the gesture and the cookies. But I have given him chocolates before, so I didn't think he would reject it, altough still a little worried because of what is said here. When I gave him chocolate first time I asked while I was taking it out if it was ok to give him something. He didn't mind so I assume little things are ok.

I don't really understand this boundary either. I mean I gave cookies to other people, my boss for example, who I am a lot less fond of then my T and no one seem to object. And I understand this is a different relationship but from reading here I also see worse boundaries being crossed with less fuss from Therapists about it. Yes, if I came to his office and said "I found a shirt you would look good in and I got it for you cause I think you need to refresh you're wardrobe", I can see that being creepy but little gifts this time of year seem harmless to me. In fact, they seem to cause quite a distress to people who like to give.

Sorry, I am ranting, this rule just seems so cold and rejecting to me and you sure don't need another thing to worry about around holidays. But maybe you could just bring it with you and ask if it's ok to give him something? As for a gift, I would just pick something you generally give people around, book seems to be a bit more personal. But that's just me.

I've never given a T a gift. However, I have purchased a book - The Emotionary - that I hope to give to my longtime T when I visit my hometown for Christmas. Providing she gives me an appointment. I think she will take it.

I asked T if I could bring her something back from my trip overseas to visit my partner. I told her I might be picking up stuff for friends too. She knows how significant the trip is given my issues. She suggested a postcard from where I'm going and asked me to draw something on it and note what feelings I have when drawing.

Initially I wanted to get her a bag of good coffee from where I'm headed, but I'm not sure she'd accept that due to the price. She's a coffee lover, but I was too shy to ask if she'd accept a bag.

I have given my T several small gifts over the 2 yrs we've been working together. All of them have in someway connected to the work we've done or something talked about in session. The first one was a big stresser because of that boundary concept. I've given a game, 2 books, milkshake, cupcake, cards. I'm not sure about giving her this next gift I bought for Christmas, it seems to be the least "appropriate" (for lack of a better word) because it is a kid's toy. We've talked a little about it so she knows some of what it is and my concerns about giving it to her. I'm thinking I will give it to her (at least today that is the thought).

I think if I were to give a gift. It would be Something I created. Not shop bought. Therapy doesn't seem the "shop bought" environment to me. It's more about discovering and creating the self.

I always create something, a small sculpture that has some meaning behind it. It would be too late for you to do something like that, probably. Can't go wrong with a good book mark. Independent bookstores or locally owned shops usually have really cool ones.

I asked my T if I could give her a gift I made (I just learned how to make infinity scarves). She said yes so long as it's appropriate. I don't think a scarf is inappropriate, especially handmade. I'm really happy she said I can give her the gift.

My this very strict about gifts. But I'm gonna take a Christmas card.

I make things for t, and buy her some candy i know she likes.

I had a copy of a photo a friend took printed and put it in a frame. It was a meaningful picture. T liked it.

I don't give my T gifts, but if I did I would probably get her a book, or maybe make a painting for her.

Ended up giving my T a card and gift on Friday as I won't see him again until after the New Year. I asked him first in the session if I could give him a card and something small as a token for the holidays. He seemed slightly hesitant at first and said he doesn't usually accept gifts. I said I appreciated that he mightn't but then I explained my reasoning behind it and we discussed it a bit further. He seemed to relax a bit and then thanked me for it. It was a simple card and a bookmark. Nothing major just a token gift. Boundaries didn't collapse. The world didn't end. He didn't fall madly in love with me. I don't feel he owes me anything in return and I'm 100% sure he likes me no more or less than he did before I gave it to him.

I gave my therapist a bag of apples a couple of weeks ago, and if I get around to it I will buy a card and a bag of clementines to give her on Wednesday. I always say thank you to her and will not feel bad if I don't get to it. I can do it anytime.

I had a psychiatrist that was less than thankful for a gift decades ago and never gave a gift again, but my previous therapist, ~6 years ago, changed that for me and accepted my child tokens of appreciation with a gracious heart.

I like the idea of a small, token gift to say thank you for their work, if that feels right to you.

In the past, I have not given any of my Ts gifts. I'm not really into the holidays, and it felt weird to me. But this year, I bought a VERY small box of chocolates (4 truffles for $6!) from the local chocolate shop for her. I love that they're made locally, I love the store and their chocolates, and I'm grateful to have them so close to me. I also love sharing their chocolates... and T said something, almost word for word, that I say all the time (re: drinking alcohol, "I'd rather have chocolate" - lol!)

I'm going to tell her all this upfront, and that I wanted to share them with her, but if she can't accept them - that's OK, I'm more than happy to take them home and eat them myself, ha! They probably won't make it home... they'd be long gone before I made it that far!

I have given T various gifts over the years. Over the weekend I made a variety of different candies and cookies. So I made her a good sized container with a few of everything. I know she likes when I bake and bring things in for her. BUT she just called to say she has to vancwl our apppintment for today as she is sick.

If I've been seeing a therapist for a number of years I think a small gift is appropriate IF t accepts gifts at all.

I f I've been seeing my t for only a year or two I would stick to a handmade gift, something really "token."

The T that I've had for the past 8 months has been so incredibly helpful and has gone above and beyond for me so I really wanted to give her a gift. I ended up giving her a pretty gift bag with a couple of delicious treats (not home made) and she seemed to really love getting the gift which made me feel really good!