[confused_77]

I've started quite a few posts here. I only found this website a few days ago and as I keep reading the threads questions just flood me. The reason I am here is that I had session with my therapist last week that left me feeling uneasy and disturbed and it made me question the effectivness or need for therapy all together.
English is my 2nd language so I might sometimes be unclear about what I want to say or spell things wrong (more often than not)
I've been in theraphy for 3 years with one t only. Because I had to move abroad, didn't want to finish therapy and knew finding someone local could be a challange we now have skype sessions and I see her in person everytime I am at home (every few months) Being able to talk from the comfort of owns house feels good.
Just as I was about to move abroad one of my main concerns was that therapy would need to end. When I approached her about it she said its fine, that we can still do it long distance. Just before I left I asked if I could send her an email. I was so overwhelmed by the fear of not being able to continue the sessions and couldn't bring myself to talk about it in person. For the last 2 years emails have been an ongoing thing and as mentioned in another post recently almost a daily routine.
I know I really struggle putting my thoughts into words, especially when under pressure of having the ONE hour a week to talk about everything. Emails were helping to process and digest my thoughts and emotions. Some time before lasts weeks sessions I send my therapist and unusually long email that covered loads of different aspects we talked about. When I write I often express that I would like to talk about those issues in sessions. When it came to last session I was embarrassed by the content of the email and felt very vulnearable. I also had a bad day and felt fragile. When presented with the face-to-face (or skype) contact I froze and could not talk about anything. In my head all I could think of was: 'please talk to me, please talk to me' My t realised that the conversation was not going anywhere and suggested rescheduling. We ended up continuing this very akward and uneasy chat when I was unable to answer the simpliest of questions. When faced with her I could not bring myself to say I am overwhelmed and uncomfortable. I felt like she was supposed to take charge and speak. I wanted her to just talk to me, calm me down and talk instead of suggesting rescheduling. I almost never cry infront of her and this time we parted with me in tears and completly stuck. I do worry so much that next session is gonna bring the same mental and verbal block. I find it impossible to say I am hurt or disappointed.
Not sure what exactly it is that I expect out of this post, maybe some perpective?

[Crookedspin]

Hi Confused,
I feel like I might risk oversimplifying things by saying this, but my thought is that you might wish to email everything you feel that you can't say to your therapist. Or write it and read it to her. I've done this a lot (brought something I wrote into therapy and read it alound). There is no other way I could have expressed these things, because there's just something about the other person being present that shuts me down. I think that therapists generally understand that much of we might wish to say is hard, or impossible, for us, but perhaps there's a chance that your therapist doesn't realize how much you are having difficulty saying? In any case, I'm really big into the idea that voicing (however possible) just the things that make us feel distant from our T--or make us want to give up on therapy altogether--very likely brings us face-to-face with just the issues we need to face and are a very great opportunity. Again, I don't mean to make this sound easy, and I hear how much frustrating pain you're in. I just related to some of the difficulties you expressed and thought maybe my experience might be relevant. I'm sorry for how you're feeling and hope that you feel better soon

[Fernwehxx]

I have similar issues. I cannot SAY what I need to get out a lot. I am so lucky I have a T that does not mind reading my stuff (I will not read it to her either because that's just like talking to me). She has said that, okay, if you can't say it, write it down. And I have written a long letter to her and told her in it what issues we need to talk about and that I need her to bring it up. We agreed that she would if she could rely on my to tell her when it's too much, too close, or something similar.

I have never learned to talk about emotions. In my family, nobody does. Writing is my strength. I can talk professionally, lead meetings, etc, but I cannot talk about emotions.
Once my T takes the lead, I can slowly get there.

English is my second language, as well. However, this actually makes it easier on me. In my first language, I cannot talk about that stuff at all. My English personality is different, a little more open, a little more emotional. I am so glad I do not have to speak my native language in therapy!
So, maybe that can even be an advantage. And don't worry about spelling - many native speakers can't spell things correctly.

If you want your T to know what's inside of you, you will find a way to get this information to her. I usually write it and hand it to her, and she reads it while I am there. We talk after that part. I wouldn't want to email because it's too far from the session. I hate skype. I hate phone calls. But I work well with writing down the hard part and then have her start talking. I am lucky that she is really great at this.

[confused_77]

Originally Posted by Fernwehxx

I have similar issues. I cannot SAY what I need to get out a lot. I am so lucky I have a T that does not mind reading my stuff (I will not read it to her either because that's just like talking to me). She has said that, okay, if you can't say it, write it down. And I have written a long letter to her and told her in it what issues we need to talk about and that I need her to bring it up. We agreed that she would if she could rely on my to tell her when it's too much, too close, or something similar.

I have never learned to talk about emotions. In my family, nobody does. Writing is my strength. I can talk professionally, lead meetings, etc, but I cannot talk about emotions.
Once my T takes the lead, I can slowly get there.

English is my second language, as well. However, this actually makes it easier on me. In my first language, I cannot talk about that stuff at all. My English personality is different, a little more open, a little more emotional. I am so glad I do not have to speak my native language in therapy!
So, maybe that can even be an advantage. And don't worry about spelling - many native speakers can't spell things correctly.

If you want your T to know what's inside of you, you will find a way to get this information to her. I usually write it and hand it to her, and she reads it while I am there. We talk after that part. I wouldn't want to email because it's too far from the session. I hate skype. I hate phone calls. But I work well with writing down the hard part and then have her start talking. I am lucky that she is really great at this.

When I am in a different country skype is the only way of communicating and I do like it. there is something comforting about the therapist being there on her bed with the dog next to her , trying to show me how the dog is trying to fall asleep next to her...
the language is only a barrier for communiacting things here as the therapy is in my naitive language. I think the email that I wrote before last session did mention a lot of what I always wanted to say and for her to ignore my raw honesty was upsetting to say the least. I am worried I will not be able to face her I i speak about how I feel about therapy and her.... Plus email do seem so disconnected from what we talk about about. I write so much and when we get to talk it all seems irrelevant and I feel like a dumb, speechless idiot.

[confused_77]

Originally Posted by Fernwehxx

I have similar issues. I cannot SAY what I need to get out a lot. I am so lucky I have a T that does not mind reading my stuff (I will not read it to her either because that's just like talking to me). She has said that, okay, if you can't say it, write it down. And I have written a long letter to her and told her in it what issues we need to talk about and that I need her to bring it up. We agreed that she would if she could rely on my to tell her when it's too much, too close, or something similar.

I have never learned to talk about emotions. In my family, nobody does. Writing is my strength. I can talk professionally, lead meetings, etc, but I cannot talk about emotions.
Once my T takes the lead, I can slowly get there.

English is my second language, as well. However, this actually makes it easier on me. In my first language, I cannot talk about that stuff at all. My English personality is different, a little more open, a little more emotional. I am so glad I do not have to speak my native language in therapy!
So, maybe that can even be an advantage. And don't worry about spelling - many native speakers can't spell things correctly.

If you want your T to know what's inside of you, you will find a way to get this information to her. I usually write it and hand it to her, and she reads it while I am there. We talk after that part. I wouldn't want to email because it's too far from the session. I hate skype. I hate phone calls. But I work well with writing down the hard part and then have her start talking. I am lucky that she is really great at this.

I dont actually get to hand anything to her as we communicate over skype. Also I think she starts to regret she ever gave me her email address. She has been top reserved/polite to say I cannot write anytime i want to. I feel like she is fed up with me and regrets ever allowing me to email her. I feel like ****

[DP_2017]

i have trouble expressing negative emotions in session

ive done the writing thing and its a huge help but there is something i wont talk bout him with no matter what. not worth the risk of losing him over. so i keep it to myself

[Fernwehxx]

You know what... I am sitting here on a long weekend, bored, and I just thought, I'd like to just meet my T now and chat.... Yeah, well, not happening. I am bored.

I am glad you like skype, so that's not your issue then. The talking in general... I think it's something one can work on. There's a reason why we cannot talk, and therapy is the place to try. IF not there, where else?
Yeah, it's hard to get over the initial happenings, like tears, anger, etc... but isn't that why we meet a T instead of just chatting with a friend?

I don't really have any friends here. I am happily married, but we don't have friends... I don't have girls I can just hang out with. Not sure if it's my age and family status that I can't meet people, if it's cultural, or of it's just me. It's probably part of my attachment because my T is like that friend I don't have...

Anyway, I am rambling.

How often do you email her? Do you think it could be too much? I once talked to my T about outside contact, and she sighed and said, yeah, there are people who contact her, try to get her to talk for a long time... she was pretty open about it, and I could tell there was a boundary issue. I told her I would not contact her outside therapy, even in emergency situations (what's she gonna do? I mean, hey, she has a life, and just because she's a T, I don't expect her to live for nothing but her clients).

Well, if you wanted to, you could email her right before a session and then tell her, hey, check your mail and read it. Would be kind of like handing it to her. IF that helped.

If you feel ignored by her, I would mention it. IF whatever you told her was that important, tell her, and if you write it on a piece of paper and hold it in the camera while skyping. Seriously, as weird as it may sound, you choose the way things work for you.

I am just saying what pops in my head... Not sure if any of this helps.