[Lrad123]

I’ve been seeing my T once/week for almost 4 months and I’ve noticed that he never (like ever) says my name. If he emails me (which is rare) he uses it, but otherwise he does not. He’s sort of a blank slate-ish psychodynamic guy, so I’m wondering if it has anything to do with that? Does your T use your name? There is so much about this therapy relationship that is new and odd to me and I’m just trying to figure it out. Someone needs to write an instruction manual. I can’t think of any other relationship where we would not occasionally say each other’s names.

[Teddy Bear]

My T uses my name

[DP_2017]

Sometimes but not much, emails, always yes... text, or phone calls, sometimes, in session maybe a handful of times

To be far I rarely use his either though.

[zoiecat]

Mine only calls out my name when I'm dissociating really bad or when he's talking about my parts and referring to me as a whole of my parts he'll use my full name.

I'm fine with it I don't like when people use my name.

[NP_Complete]

Yes. He usually uses it when he comes out to get me for session. He also uses it when I'm crying or shut down emotionally. It's comforting; like a verbal hug.

[BudFox]

With the one I was with the longest, she rarely called me by name. Mostly I realized this later, and I thought it was yet another sign that the whole construct was just plain bizarre and unnatural. Maybe in her training they taught her this as a technique. God knows these people resort to such weirdness as part of their dark art.

[Fernwehxx]

Yes, mine usually greets me with my name, and she uses it here and there during session. She never overdoes it.

[kecanoe]

Not very often.

[BonnieJean]

Rarely. I don't know why.

[TrailRunner14]

Yes. My counselor calls me by name every time we meet. He is really about the only person who calls me by my real name.

It’s really nice!

[88Butterfly88]

Nope, never. Though I don't use her name either.

[Elio]

In email yes. In session we rarely say each other's names. We are the only 2 people around so not much call for using our names. In the last 6 months she's started using it when starting to or when she thinks I am starting to disassociate. I do like it when she does that. It does help and results in me looking directly at her.

[stopdog]

The woman used it constantly. I never understood the purpose. I asked once if she did it in order to remind herself who I was.
There were only two people in the room - I knew to whom she was speaking.
I have read where those people do it to try and make the client feel known or special or recognized sort of thing - it just pissed me off that she thought I would be so easily manipulated.

[Wonderfalls]

In 15 years of therapy my pdoc/T only ever used my (last) name in referring to me. It would have felt weird if he had called me by name. I don't like my name being used to the point that I notice it---it sounds ingratiating.

[SoConfused623]

Sometimes when she opens her door she'll say, "Come on in, SC" but that's it. I wish that she said it more. It makes me feel good when people use my name.

[healinginprogress]

Occasionally. Your question strikes a cord with me but I can't quite put my finger on why. It's always startling when my T uses my name. But in a good way.

Maybe twice in 14yrs. Hate hearing her say it. Funnily enought a, Couple of sessions ago we were having a relaxed session. I said something funny/outrageous and she said my name rather loudly. I packed a bag and got my passport as quick as I could to get out of there

[winterblues17]

Occasionally, I think mainly when she's highlighting something important or maybe when I need calming down. In general conversations no I don't think it's really needed, I don't think I use hers at all, well maybe in emailing.

[TrailRunner14]

Ok.

I’m going to ask an honest question.

I hope that’s ok.

It’s just me and how I am.

How can you work with someone and share such personal/intimate things and that person not call you by your name?

Please forgive me if that’s a stupid question but I don’t understand.

I mean that in all honesty.

Truly.

Originally Posted by TrailRunner14

Ok.

I’m going to ask an honest question.

I hope that’s ok.

It’s just me and how I am.

How can you work with someone and share such personal/intimate things and that person not call you by your name?

Please forgive me if that’s a stupid question but I don’t understand.

I mean that in all honesty.

Truly.

"you" Actually is more powerful than a name.
When my T says something like "you" didn't deserve that. To add my name to that has no value.
In therapy I'm in a different place, names seem irrelevant.

[MRT6211]

Current T uses it a decent amount in order to either reality check me sometimes/grab my attention towards a specific thing, or sometimes as a calming thing.

Previous psychodynamic T only used it when she was attempting to ground me or get me back from disassociation during session or over the phone.

[pepper_mint]

My T said my name maybe twice (for 1.5y) - it was at the end of the session when she wanted to ask me to pay earlier for some reasons. Also, when she sends me a message that she has to cancel a session she also starts with my name.

I've never used her name when we were face to face (only when I sent a text that I won't come). Somehow to use her name it's strange for me...

[confused_77]

Originally Posted by stopdog

The woman used it constantly. I never understood the purpose. I asked once if she did it in order to remind herself who I was.
There were only two people in the room - I knew to whom she was speaking.
I have read where those people do it to try and make the client feel known or special or recognized sort of thing - it just pissed me off that she thought I would be so easily manipulated.

i agree... its different when it's to start an email but there is no need for it in session. i pay close attention to it in real life too... yes surely it always makes you feel better when people use your name in general conversation but its a mannerism rather then actual care. i dont think it ever has to do with the person they are addressing. to me it also maipulative.
what does that prove? that they remember who they are speaking too?

Only to emphasise a point. Usually if there's some kind or rupture and he wants me to believe he doesn't think x or feel y about me.

[AllHeart]

My t finally called me by my first name after almost a year. I honestly thought she had no idea of what my name even was so I was thrilled when it finally happened.