Who is the "bad guy"? The people outside who hurt, or therapy focusing on weaknesses, which for me personally seems like a confirmation that whatever bad is happening to me is justified?

[MoxieDoxie]

Are the people who hurt us bad or do they have a untreated mental health disorder as well and we should actually have sympathy for them?

[kecanoe]

Maybe both? But for me, the fact that I have DID does not mean that I deserve(d) to be treated poorly. And the fact that others may have MI does not mean that they are excused from treating me, or others, poorly.

[Fernwehxx]

Why does there have to be a bad guy?
Holding on to grudges doesn't help, so focusing on who hurt us doesn't get us anywhere.
Therapy focusing on weaknesses should just make us aware of what we can improve.

There's no bad guy in my equation.

[here today]

I have doubts that anyone is objectively, necessarily "bad". But feeling that way about people is a very ingrained response which probably helped us survive sometimes, or even often. Certainly there are people who seem to fulfill that definition, like Hitler. Yes, he had horrible intentions about the rest of the world, and it's good, I think, that he was defeated. But that's probably not exactly what you are asking about.

The people outside who hurt you -- feeling the hurt and then feeling they are bad, that makes sense to me at a basic level. Feeling that therapy is bad or hurtful and then feeling like therapy and the therapist too is bad makes sense, too.

And, when I was little especially, when I did things that my mother or others in my life didn't like and they glowered and disapproved of me, then I definitely felt that I was "bad", as probably they felt in that moment.

How to get from a place where I feel like a "bad" person to a place where I feel something different -- that remains a dilemma sometimes.

But wait, why do they have to have a mental disorder for them to treat people badly?

[Out There]

I think people will treat each other badly sometimes - hurt people hurt people. But there is a choice of how to behave on the whole , perhaps not with dementia where the filter is off due to illness. I remember my T saying can we be angry with someone because there's something wrong with them ? I've struggled with this but I've come to look at it like it's something that could have been good but wasn't.

[kecanoe]

Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian

But wait, why do they have to have a mental disorder for them to treat people badly?

Good point. I think that there are people who treat others poorly inadvertently; they don't mean to but someone still gets hurt.

I think there are people who hurt others for a variety of reasons. For example, I tell my high school students that high school romances usually end with someone being hurt. I don't think this means that either student is "bad", nor mentally ill.

And, there are some people who actually enjoy hurting others or don't care if others are hurt. Some people think this is a sign of mental illness. I am not convinced of this; I think some people are just selfish. But obviously opinions on that differ.

I think that some people treat others badly because they have themselves been treated badly.

[Miswimmy1]

There is no bad guy in my equation. I tend to think that people are generally good. If they are purposefully hurting others, maybe it is due to MI, or maybe it's due to insecurity, or maybe it's their response because of something that happened to them, or maybe it's something else entirely. But I think that a lot of times, people who hurt others do so unintentionally - they are focused on themselves and what they want and that trumps whatever ability they have to put themselves in the other person's shoes or see the ripple effect that their actions have on other people.

That being said, I don't think that any of those reasons are an excuse to treat someone badly. They are possible explanations but by no means to be used as justification for wrong actions.

[here today]

Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian

But wait, why do they have to have a mental disorder for them to treat people badly?

Why does anyone treat another badly? Who says what is "badly" and what is not?

And if I feel that you have treated me badly, how should I react or respond, if at all?

Very complicated questions, it seems to me.

[NP_Complete]

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

Are the people who hurt us bad or do they have a untreated mental health disorder as well and we should actually have sympathy for them?

My husband had untreated mental health issues. He treated me like ****. Like emotionally abuse me for years and threaten to kill me and set my house on fire level ****. Am I supposed to have sympathy for him? I actually do, but it rubs me the wrong way that I'm supposed to have sympathy for him.

[Fernwehxx]

I do not have sympathy for people who hurt me badly. However, I do not hold on to grudges. I guess I am rather indifferent towards them.