[Mountaindewed]

I keep in touch with one if not the only good therapist I’ve had. I️ knew her in July 2007- November 2009. She was my therapist at a residential treatment center I️ was at. The place closed down shortly after I️ left because of an incident that they never recovered from.

I️ still keep in touch with her. We had lunch twice in 2012. Then we lost touch until July when she found my number online. We had lunch again today.

Is this in some way unethical? Or does it not matter since the treatment center no longer exists, she is retired, and I’m an adult?

She’s kind of like new age and her views are different then you’d expect from a therapist she doesn’t want to be friends on Facebook, but has told me many times her Facebook page is public. It’s almost like she wants me to creep on it.

She said to me “don’t tell the other girls I️ said you could look at my Facebook. I️ don’t want them seeing my stuff.

So I don’t think she wants anything to do with the other people in treatment. But she saved my life and she knows that. So we still keep in touch.

I️ can’t possibly see how I’ll get into trouble. But I’m guessing this is kind of unethical?

[ruh roh]

It's almost ten years ago, so I don't think there's anything unethical about it. It's odd, especially since she looked you up, and I'd feel uncomfortable with the request "not to tell" anyone else you know form the treatment center. That would put me on edge about her.

I think lunch or other get togethers are fine with an EX Therapist. So is asking not to share her Facebook, phone number, etc with others is also okay in my opinion. But if someone tells me I have to hide things from others, short of a surprise party, I would object strenuously. Her request is strange to me.

I have done all sorts of things with my ex therapist which includes joining her family for Christmas dinner last month. She is/was the therapist for other people I know and she has never asked me to be secret about our friendship.

[AllHeart]

Not unethical. Plenty of time has lapsed since you last saw her as a therapist.

The FB comments are a bit out there. Weird, actually. But I'm guessing she's older since she's retired so maybe she doesn't really get the normal workings of FB?

Neither one of you can get into any trouble with the situation you have just described.

[Mountaindewed]

I wasn't really creeped out by it.

My sister might of been because it was her number she looked up.

She's almost 70 years old. When she called in July, she asked if I had been on her Facebook. She then said "you should probably know I married my partner." I knew she was a lesbian since I met her. So that was no surprise. No idea why she thought I should know that though.

The staff I keep in touch with have told me they find some of the girls stalkerish. A lot of them refuse to have anything to do with them for that reason. So she's not the only one who doesn't want to deal with them.

[toomanycats]

The general rule is "can be friends after 2 years since therapy ceased."

In the US there are no written state or professional ethics codes that specify a time limit before commencing a platonic relationship with a former therapist. They were done away with years ago. The American Psychiatric Association professional ethic code does not allow for post relationships of any kind.

[fille_folle]

Nope, I think if you're ok with it, it's all good. I hope I can have lunch or a coffee or something someday with my longtime T.

[Mountaindewed]

I just looked at her Facebook.

I didn't need to see that.

I didn't need to read about her running around with 3 guys at one time. Or that she has a thing for gym teacher's.

I'm pretty uncomfortable.

Why did she think I should know that stuff?

[feralkittymom]

There's nothing unethical about a post therapy friendship, especially since she's retired. But whether it's wise to do so is another issue. There is an ethical guideline that therapists do not initiate the contact, and she obviously has. And the FB comment seemed just odd, but the announcement of her marriage combined with the content you were basically encouraged to see, together with the conspiratorial "don't tell" all adds up to something unbalanced to me.

[Myrto]

Personally I think it's odd that she would reach out to you. Couldn't she be friends with literally ANYONE else? Why with a former client?

[vmjoseph]

Your therapist is exceptionally nice.

[elisewin]

Not unethical, if you want to do it, go for it.

But I can't help wondering if maybe she has lost it a bit