[SummerTime12]

Has your T ever prefaced something he or she told you with a phrase similar to this? If so, what followed?

[Argonautomobile]

No. That would make me very uncomfortable.

[AllHeart]

No. My ex-t just went ahead and told me all kinds of things she shouldn't have told me, without any warning. It was all so wrong. So, a t saying, "I shouldn't be telling you this," is a clear indicator that the t is aware they are about to say something wrong. What follows could be something trivial, but, the fact that such a phrase leads the client to believe they are special is in and of itself wrong. I'd probably freak out if I heard that from a t.

[rainbow8]

No. Never.

[NP_Complete]

I got an "I don't know how you'll take this" once, but not an "I shouldn't be telling you this".

[InnerPeace111]

Never. No.

Depends what they mean by shouldnt....

Who says they shouldnt? Why shouldn't they?

Without more to go on, there is no way of knowing

[WarmFuzzySocks]

No, nothing remotely in that ballpark. Now I'm trying to imagine what she might follow that with.

I could imagine a t is thinking of leaving the public health system and might decide to let a client know before its official. That could be one scenerio.... my hairdresser did that kinda thing before she brought her own salon

[MRT6211]

Yes, I’ve gotten those exact words as well as “this stays in this room.” And “you can use your discretion on what should be said outside of here and not about this.”

[MoxieDoxie]

Yes.....and it was usually about his wife and her mental health issue and crazy breakdowns that he has to deal with. This is my ex-T.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

No, and I would not take it as a good thing, no matter what was said after such an opening...

[Teddy Bear]

No she has never said that

[toomanycats]

yes. many times with exT. there's a billion things that followed, and I don't remember them all.

Current T, not that I can recall, no. I don't think he'd ever say that either...if he "shouldn't" be doing something, he's just going to not do it. That's his job.

[CharlieStarDust]

Never. Closest thing was 'I don't usually do this with other clients,' and we're currently working on the aftermath of that.

[Moment]

I'm going to agree with the others that this phrase is a very bad sign.

There are some therapists who adhere to what seems to me to be a comically restrictive view of what can be told to clients, the "blank screen" approach, and I can imagine one of them saying something totally benign like, "I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but yes, I have children." In my mind, they wouldn't be doing anything "wrong," but I would wonder why they were breaking their own rules and why they were presenting it as some kind of illicit activity.

BUT...for therapists who are not of the "blank screen" variety, such a phrase can preface all kinds of inappropriate intimacies. It also fosters a we-are-breaking-the-rules atmosphere that I would find highly unnerving. Because if we shouldn't be doing this, and we are, what else shouldn't we do that we might do? That would totally freak me out and I would tell the therapist so. Or flee.

My previous therapist never said it, but my standby therapist has said it a few times and I appreciate and respect her therapeutic judgement the more for it. When I am in a snit or feeling frustrated or overwhelmed, usually caused by FOO shenanigans, I sometimes want to retreat to old, negative patterns. It’s very rare for me that I get to that point, but she has said, “I shouldn’t be saying this, but I hope you will...” and preced with what she wishes I would do. I stopped her once or twice when she was second guessing herself to “just say it.” She did and my life is much richer for her expressing her wishes of what path she hoped I would choose.

Like a previous poster stated, “it depends on the situation.” To keep secrets- that’s not for me, but to disclose something about their life that may help me move forward in my life- I’m in. It could be as simple as them answering how many siblings they have when they may have chosen not to respond previously. Life is fluid and I need my therapist to respond to the fluidity of it. Especially if they believe at that moment it may propel me forward.

[stopdog]

I wouldn't like the sort of thing. To me it would be more the therapist was trying to bond at me by making it seem like there was some special thing about me that caused this secret revelation. I'm pretty sure I would say "then don't tell me" or "then why are you telling me?"

[nottrustin]

She had said this isn't public knowledge yet so I shouldn't tell you... She use to work for a competing facility from me. There has been a lot of changes over the lastcoupleof years that were concerning...btw these conversations were outside of my actual therapy (like after my hour was up).

A couple of times she has said I shouldn't tell you this because I am not suppose to tell you what to do or give you advice but.....after working together So long she knows when it is appropriate to give me advice.

[kecanoe]

No, and I think it would make me uncomfortable. I mean why would they say something they shouldn't? A few of the examples above I would be ok with, but more on a "this is not public information yet, but ..." about a job or practice decision would be ok. Or, "I don't usually share this but..." (from T1 that was that his son had spent time in prison and it was in response to a situation in my life)

I guess I have had them divulge opinions about one particular T in my area that none of them have really seemed to respect in a sort of "I shouldn't speak of a colleague in this way but whatever you do, don't go to him" way. I suppose that qualifies.

[satsuma]

No.

If you know you shouldn't be telling me, then please stop!

I had a residential worker say to me once: "Don't tell anyone I told you this," and then began to complain about his boss. He's not my worker anymore thanks to my own advocacy.

[SummerTime12]

Thanks for all the replies, it’s nice to get other people's perspectives on this.it honestly didn’t occur to me before posting that it would be seen as a bad sign, but now it makes sense. Ironically, the one time my therapist used this phrase was the one time I felt like I wish he hadn’t disclosed what he did. So I guess my thoughts do align with the majority here saying that it’s generally not the best.

[annielovesbacon]

No, she's never said that. If she started saying "I shouldn't be telling you this, but..." I would interject and ask "Then why are you?"

[fille_folle]

No, I've never had a T say that. However, if one of the two Ts I've worked with DID say that, I doubt they'd then tell me something really inappropriate or in any way harmful to me. I just can't picture it.