[siana]

I decided to see a private therapist for the first time today, and after the session I felt disappointed. (I have met with a school psychologist before, and she was absolutely amazing and helpful in making me take action with my problems .) so compared to today's session it was very different.

I am only 17 years old and, Im not close with my parents ,so I had to seek help without my family knowing. I emailed multiple psychologists in the area, and made sure to let them know that I was only 17, and would appreciate fee deductions etc. I also said in the emails that I wanted to work on building confidence to open up to my parents so they can help me pay for therapy in the future.

out of the 4 psychologists I contacted, 2 hadn't responded yet, and 1 said they couldn't help me because I needed parental consent, and did not want problems for seeing an underage secretly. The only therapist who replied said he would be happy to give me a promotion by like 30% , and also suggested we meet in the following days. He seemed really keen and the price was reasonable so I confirmed it without asking much info since I really happy to get help.

when I arrived, I was confused because it was just a house. I rang the bell and a women casually dressed opened. I apologized thinking it was the wrong house. But she says if I'm here for therapy its inside . I go in and sit in a living room. Then my therapist comes in and guides me to another room. shakes my hand and introduces himself. I sat down and he asked about what problems I was facing etc. and we discussed it and I shared some of my life events. On multiple occasions he would share anecdotal stories of himself that resembled mine. on the chair he sat with one leg folded up and the other on the floor playing with the carpet throughout. we also ended up talking 40 mins overtime. Unlike my last experience with therapy, he didn't talk about our info being confidential or how the therapy process would work. I basically felt like we just had a conversation for 2 hours. He seemed quite nice and laidback, making compliments or siding with some of the things I was saying. Although I find this nice, I read online that proffesional therapists aren't supposed to agree and side with your opinions but just respect it???. We talked about my fear of seeing people, and he had forgotten the word for this. Which he remembered later to be ' Agoraphobia'. In the end he handed me a book , and said read this for next time. But, there was no conclusion or summary of the session. I felt like I had just payed for a conversation basically. Not much guidance or direction. Or even questioning what I want out of this. I told him I was moving out soon for uni, and he giggled and said 'thats when your life ACTUALLY gets serious'. I didn't really understand what he meant but could this suggest that my life isn't serious now?? like as in I shoudlnt take this seriously and over stress ? * confused *

Anyway, on the way out he spoke to the lady I saw earlier - turns out she was his girlfriend ..who was just watching TV outside our therapy room this whole time. Im not sure what to think since I don't feel like this session was helpful and I fear that the little money I have is going to waste if I give it a few more sessions and they all turn out like this. l feel forced to go back again next week though, since I have his book with me now.
I don't know if he's just a laidback person, or if he's just not very good at his job. Honestly Im not feeling too hopeful for the next session although Im not trying to be too judgmental just after one session.

should I find someone else ???? should give it a few more sessions to see if it gets better ? What do you think?

[Thunder Bow]

Research is creadentals and back ground.Is he certified? How long has he been in practice? References?

If you didn't find the approach useful, shop around.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

In my opinion, if you find anything weird or not good, or are put off by anything, then you should try finding someone else. I know it sucks to search again, but to me it sounds a bit unprofessional, and if you feel like something is off, it's better to not spend money on time on someone that will not help you.

[Carmina]

'Me too' therapists/counsellors are not usually very useful.

[RaineD]

Definitely shop around. You can return his book without going back for another session.

[AllHeart]

I am a completely harmless, laidback middle-aged woman. If I were a t, never in a million years would I allow for an under aged minor to enter my private home for therapy without parental consent. Not just for my own protection, but for theirs, too (I'm thinking of accidents, not harmful intentions on my part).

Another red flag is there were no signs or other indications that this home was being used as his office that you could see. Seems there should have at least been a clear sign like "Ken Bendover, LSCW" on his front door. His girlfriend answering the door and watching tv in the next room has me concerned about his concern for your confidentiality rights.

Plenty of red flags here. Sure, this guy could be harmless and laid back. But you do not know that. Most concerning is you are going into a complete stranger's, unmarked home and I'm assuming no one else knows about this...except this therapist and his girlfriend. If this guy or his girlfriend have any ill intentions (conscious or unconscious) you are exceptionally easy prey for far more than the damaging consequences of bad therapy.

I'm glad you are looking for help. I know it can be a difficult process to find a good therapist. Please stay safe, be smart and not put yourself in harms way during this process. And always trust your instincts. Is there anyone like a teacher or friend's parent that can help you find a therapist?

[Elio]

I notice that your location is Bangkok. I am not sure what the cultural norms are there for therapy. I know several therapists that practice out of their home, so that might not be unusual. I also don't know the age of consent in your country; however, since one therapist said they would not see someone underage, my guess is that 17 is considered underage for your area. It might be difficult to find someone that is willing to see you. Are you close to turning 18 and is 18 considered an adult in your country? If so, you might be best using the school counselor for support until you turn 18, and you'd have more options in a therapist.

If you have a while to go, then I'd recommend shopping around, it sounds like you didn't feel comfortable with this therapist.

I also agree with:

Research is credentials and back ground.Is he certified? How long has he been in practice? References?

And if possible, look for complaints.

First and foremost, it is your therapy. If it feels like something is off, go with your gut here. There are others out there. You might have to wait until you are at university. I don't know how hard that would be for you/what level of crisis you are in... if you are relatively stable, waiting is much better than working with someone that is not right for you. Bad therapy can really mess people up, even when the therapist really is trying their best and has best intentions.

I agree too with researching his credentials, looking for complaints about him, etc. And if something feels off to you, listen to your gut. you can return his book without having another session.

I'm in the US and my t practices out of her home, but the office is clearly marked with a sign and she also has an "In Session" sign on her door, and there's a hallway that separates her office from the main house (I only know this because I used the restroom one time that's in said hallway). I'd really feel weird about being let in by his girlfriend and her sitting outside the therapy room watching tv.

[Carmina]

I think there are 2 different things here, yeah the therapist seems to have an informal setup and maybe not be the most 'professional' but could still be a great therapist. However for me the only bit that would put me off is the signs that he is not a great therapist, which is what sounds like an inability to separate off his own stuff, demonstrate genuine congruence and empathy as opposed to superficial sympathy, and not keep bringing things back to himself.

[ElectricManatee]

I think you should trust your gut and keep shopping around. If something doesn't feel right, you don't want to waste your time/money and potentially get into an uncomfortable or possibly dangerous situation. Since you have his address, you can even just mail the book back.