[SarahSweden]

I´ve experienced two or three times now that people I've seen for counselling made me upset, sad, mad me cry and I then just decide not to talk anymore and just wait for the session to end. (I´m mentally present all the time though). T:s have then tried to make me tell them what´s happening, what I feel and if there´s something they can do for me.

But I just feel it´s of no use to talk when they made me cry, even if that wasn´t their intention.

When this happened the last time it was because my T wanted us to sit completely silent and "see what happened" and how I felt about that. I just felt kind of ridiculed and didn´t feel much besides it just reminded me about a couple of other negative experiences with therapists.

I of course understand that this is not a way forward, to stay silent, but in those cases I feel that it won´t make me feel better to talk to the therapist and as I´m so focused on not continuing to cry and thinking about "nothing" I can´t express how I feel in a decent way anyway.

[Argonautomobile]

Yes, this has happened to me. I always end up sort of hating myself over it. Sorry this is happening for you.

[fille_folle]

I've been described as "really shut-down" a lot lately - by my T and two different pdocs. At this point, my name should be fille "shut-down" folle. However, it sounds like the cause for me is different - my mind goes blank and/or I find myself unable to say anything. But I understand the logic you're using when you choose to stop speaking. I won't argue that talking will necessarily make you feel better immediately, but not talking doesn't seem very helpful either. If you choose to share your thoughts and feelings, it will help your T understand you, and perhaps respond in a more helpful way then or in the future.

[here today]

So sorry this is happening for you. Good, though, I think that you're observing it and can write about it here. Perhaps a possible way forward will show itself when you're not feeling so bad. Trying to tolerate or alleviate the misery is sometimes the best I can do.

[SarahSweden]

Thanks. I´m thinking of what to do, if I´ll just stop seeing her and not contacting her again or if I'll ask for another appointment. I think when a T has this way of letting different kinds of exercises into therapy, then it´s something different from what I look for. I´ve never asked her for any kind of exercises whatsoever so I don´t have much faith in it´ll get better even if I try once more.

Originally Posted by fille_folle

I've been described as "really shut-down" a lot lately - by my T and two different pdocs. At this point, my name should be fille "shut-down" folle. However, it sounds like the cause for me is different - my mind goes blank and/or I find myself unable to say anything. But I understand the logic you're using when you choose to stop speaking. I won't argue that talking will necessarily make you feel better immediately, but not talking doesn't seem very helpful either. If you choose to share your thoughts and feelings, it will help your T understand you, and perhaps respond in a more helpful way then or in the future.

[SarahSweden]

Thanks. Yes, I´m not acting upon it at the moment but just thinking about what I´m going to do next. If it´s worth it to contact her and schedule another meeting or if I´ll just let it pass and don´t mind contacting her again.

Originally Posted by here today

So sorry this is happening for you. Good, though, I think that you're observing it and can write about it here. Perhaps a possible way forward will show itself when you're not feeling so bad. Trying to tolerate or alleviate the misery is sometimes the best I can do.

[unaluna]

If we all felt great about talking to our ts, there would not be a need for this website! It took me 3 years to really "acquiesce" to my current t, and he is a total puppy dog. Its just not an easy thing to do

[Fernwehxx]

This doesnt happen to me since I have a chatty T. Lol.
Well, I do get quiet, and I have shut down, but after that, I regretted it and promised myself to change that behavior because it leads nowhere.

Crying makes me quiet, but she can deal with that.
Anything else, I opt for the talking because if I can't do it in therapy, where else can I ever try? Because I do shut down in RL, esp in my marriage, and its not a good thing.... In therapy, I am learning not to.

Hooe you can try that, too, and create the safe space you need to try getting out of the shutting down.

[maybeblue]

I have often had that problem. I get mad and am afraid to tell the therapist, or my mind goes blank, or I'm just too overwhelmed with emotion to express myself. My opinion is that it might be worth talking to her about it...and not for her, for you. I think it might make you feel more empowered if you express it directly..."When you had us do that silence exercise, I felt ridiculed and it reminded me of other times that I have been upset at therapists."

And then tell her what you want to do differently in therapy. Maybe you just want to talk and not do a bunch of exercises. Maybe you want to journal so you can get your thoughts in order and go over the journal with her. It's your therapy. You are paying her. It makes sense to listen to her opinions of course, but you get to decide the path it takes. And if she doesn't respect that, then maybe you should stop seeing her and seeing someone who does. But maybe she just doesn't know how you are feeling and would really appreciate your feedback.

Just an opinion from someone who has seen a lot of therapists over a lot of years

[SarahSweden]

Thanks. Interesting to hear about your experiences. Yes, I agree it probably would be rewarding to talk to her about what happened and I perhaps will. Part of me doesn´t want to give her another chance and I´m also hesitant about if she´s able to act in another way even if I ask her to. To focus on talking instead of doing exercises.

Some therapists honestly want feedback while many others rather find other clients but hard to tell how this specific therapist will act if I schedule another meeting with her to talk this through.

Originally Posted by maybeblue

I have often had that problem. I get mad and am afraid to tell the therapist, or my mind goes blank, or I'm just too overwhelmed with emotion to express myself. My opinion is that it might be worth talking to her about it...and not for her, for you. I think it might make you feel more empowered if you express it directly..."When you had us do that silence exercise, I felt ridiculed and it reminded me of other times that I have been upset at therapists."

And then tell her what you want to do differently in therapy. Maybe you just want to talk and not do a bunch of exercises. Maybe you want to journal so you can get your thoughts in order and go over the journal with her. It's your therapy. You are paying her. It makes sense to listen to her opinions of course, but you get to decide the path it takes. And if she doesn't respect that, then maybe you should stop seeing her and seeing someone who does. But maybe she just doesn't know how you are feeling and would really appreciate your feedback.

Just an opinion from someone who has seen a lot of therapists over a lot of years