Is my therapist pushing me too hard? Is it ok what she said? Am I just overthinking?

Sparklingdance84 · Jan 13, 2018, 11:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rose76

I'ld have a problem with her using the word "tantrum." Sounds like she was releasing some pent up resentment . . . like she sees you as willful and has been wanting to voice that, even prior to this exchange.

I can't draw big conclusions on just this info. But therapists can be out of line, as can anyone. It's not wrong to practice assertiveness in the therapist's office. I'ld probably come right out and say that I don't find it constructive to be talked down to. Then I'ld ask her if there is some larger issue she'ld like to address.

If she can't even consider that she may have mishandled the exchange, then she may be a very willful person, herself. Therapy that descends into a war of wills probably isn't going anywhere productive.

I doubt this is the case, I didn't feel she said it as if she had something against me or she had been holding back something or anything, I think we have a good therapeutic relationship and I don't really think she resents me, but well , I don't know. Why do you think she resents me? It would be really interesting to know this

Now that I've given myself some time to think about it and after having read everyone's opinion I think she was just trying to help me, maybe she didn't use the right terminology or her pressure didn't work for me , then there's also the factor that I could tell from when she came out of the session before mine that she was quite worn out , maybe she wasn't having a great day and that made her not be as patient as she usually is.
I will see how next session goes and from there I will decide whether or not I address this with her face to face that same day. I want to believe it was a one-off , I think that it was partly my fault for not wanting to talk after she didn't believe me, so I can understand a little bit better why she said I was "throwing a tantrum" . I just didn't like to feel like a little kid and be told what to and what not to, but I guess I needed it

Sparklingdance84 · Jan 13, 2018, 11:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moderation

Run for the Door
Bad therapists do one of two things

1) make you commit suicide

2) commit you to an institution for the rest of your life

I'll see how the next few sessions go before deciding to bail on her

velcro003 · Jan 14, 2018, 12:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparklingdance84

I doubt this is the case, I didn't feel she said it as if she had something against me or she had been holding back something or anything, I think we have a good therapeutic relationship and I don't really think she resents me, but well , I don't know. Why do you think she resents me? It would be really interesting to know this

Now that I've given myself some time to think about it and after having read everyone's opinion I think she was just trying to help me, maybe she didn't use the right terminology or her pressure didn't work for me , then there's also the factor that I could tell from when she came out of the session before mine that she was quite worn out , maybe she wasn't having a great day and that made her not be as patient as she usually is.
I will see how next session goes and from there I will decide whether or not I address this with her face to face that same day. I want to believe it was a one-off , I think that it was partly my fault for not wanting to talk after she didn't believe me, so I can understand a little bit better why she said I was "throwing a tantrum" . I just didn't like to feel like a little kid and be told what to and what not to, but I guess I needed it

I honestly think this is the best course, after reading all of your follow up messages. I hope you can go in next session and tell her what felt so off or wrong to you. I hope that she can hear it and reply in a way that makes you feel okay with your relationship with her.

Rose76 · Jan 14, 2018, 01:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparklingdance84

I doubt this is the case, I didn't feel she said it as if she had something against me or she had been holding back something or anything, I think we have a good therapeutic relationship and I don't really think she resents me, but well , I don't know. Why do you think she resents me? It would be really interesting to know this

Now that I've given myself some time to think about it and after having read everyone's opinion I think she was just trying to help me, maybe she didn't use the right terminology or her pressure didn't work for me , then there's also the factor that I could tell from when she came out of the session before mine that she was quite worn out , maybe she wasn't having a great day and that made her not be as patient as she usually is.
I will see how next session goes and from there I will decide whether or not I address this with her face to face that same day. I want to believe it was a one-off , I think that it was partly my fault for not wanting to talk after she didn't believe me, so I can understand a little bit better why she said I was "throwing a tantrum" . I just didn't like to feel like a little kid and be told what to and what not to, but I guess I needed it

Accusing someone of tantrum-throwing is pretty strong. I wasn't there, while you were. I don't know this therapist, while you do. It didn't sound to me like you were taking a fit, which is why I thought there was more behind her using that terminology. Maybe she isn't real precise in her choice of words. What you think is far more important than any impression I got. I have little to go by. All I can do is throw out a thought, which may or may not seem relevant. Your decisions about what to do shouldn't be based on my impression. Feedback here is really just food for thought . . . or not.

Anne2.0 · Jan 14, 2018, 10:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparklingdance84

Today in therapy I told my therapist something I thought that was going on with a friendship of mine , and then she sort of didn't believe me and said that I was most likely wrong and asked me what made me believe that and I do admit that I tend to overthink everything ... After that I didn't really want to talk about the issue anymore , and she said it didn't matter , that I had to , that I was throwing a tantrum by bringing it in and then not wanting to talk about it (I felt she was almost mad , like she was very different from what she usually is)... I was like whaatt... to be honest I felt uncomfortable, I felt she was telling me off and then she started lecturing me as if I was a kid of hers. Is this okay ? Is she a good therapist? Is this good for my own progress ? Should I get another therapist? Is she pushing me too hard ? What should I do ? Or am I again overthinking everything?

Personally, I'd rather have someone (therapist or not) tell me what they think rather than validate every single reaction and construction of the world I have (distorted or not). I'm not always correct about the way I think about things (especially if it's not my experience per se but a relational one); it's pretty much impossible to know what's going on with someone else. Relationships where I have to just agree with everything someone else thinks and can't even say maybe it's not that way are awful. And it doesn't allow for growth either, which for me is being open to other people and the way I approach them rather than shut off.

I'd encourage you to look honestly at the context of what you were discussing with your T (my guess is it was pretty unique, as you don't report this happens all the time). Is it likely something distorted (and negative) about yourself or the world? If so, don't expect your T to collude in your self loathing or twisted beliefs about other people. You can get upset about the methodology of her response or the special choice of words, but maybe you just need to deal with the content of what you said and what it means more than process.

On the other hand, you can certainly tell your T you don't want this kind of interaction and say that it's not helpful to you, if it fact it isn't. You can say it felt demeaning or you didn't like the word "tantrum" that she used or whatever it is you think and feel. It's your therapy and you can handle it however you want, or simply leave and find someone else who does things just as you want.

stopdog · Jan 14, 2018, 10:27 AM

I never hired a therapist to get bullied or pushed by them. The few times they tried, I simply pushed back and told them to back the **** off. They did.

Windinthetrees · Jan 16, 2018, 03:48 PM

I would definitely not see that therapist again; if she had identified an issue, it would be best for her to voice it in a way that made you feel safe and secure. A therapist shouldn't be accusatory or make you feel worse by the end of a session.