[noneedtoknow]

So, I feel like I'm in a stalemate with my T. I have had a hard time opening up to him. I finally shared my "****" and I feel like he went bam, she has this diagnosis and I'm treating her for it. How can he do that when he only knows a small bit about me. Just been talking about my work situation. He doesn't know anything about the rest of my life or past experiances. So I don't feel like sharing anything else with him at this point. S0, the question....
How do you know if it is just your fear or if the other person (T) has a part in it too? I think about asking, but it sounds accusing. I want to ask, "can you keep an open mind and still be open to what might be going on?
I don't know. What I do know is I feel pretty guarded right now. Suggestions???

[LonesomeTonight]

Sorry you're struggling with this. I'd basically tell him what you wrote here--could print it out and hand it to him if it's too hard to say. Or say something like, "It feels like you've jumped to conclusions about me when I've only given you information about one area of my life. And now I'm reluctant to open up and feeling guarded." If you use "I feel" statements, then it's less accusatory. Can I ask how long you've been seeing him?

Originally Posted by noneedtoknow

So, I feel like I'm in a stalemate with my T. I have had a hard time opening up to him. I finally shared my "****" and I feel like he went bam, she has this diagnosis and I'm treating her for it. How can he do that when he only knows a small bit about me. Just been talking about my work situation. He doesn't know anything about the rest of my life or past experiances. So I don't feel like sharing anything else with him at this point. S0, the question....
How do you know if it is just your fear or if the other person (T) has a part in it too? I think about asking, but it sounds accusing. I want to ask, "can you keep an open mind and still be open to what might be going on?
I don't know. What I do know is I feel pretty guarded right now. Suggestions???

Find another T that is willing and able to do those things.

[maybeblue]

I can totally relate to this. I hate it when people make snap judgements, particularly about me. I feel the exact same way when therapists do that.

My guess is that he is trying to provide you with immediate help and symptom relief. He just wants to "fix" it for you. The fact that he is male might be part of that. Men and women tend to communicate a little differently. Many times women just want to be understood and men want to solve problems. Obviously this is a gross simplification there are many exceptions, but I think there is some truth to it.

As to what to do about it? I wouldn't fire just him yet. It's such a pain to find a good therapist. And working out relationship problems in therapy can be pretty helpful for real life. But don't let him get away with it. If you can tell him how you are feeling verbally, then do that. Or as @LonesomeTonight suggested hand him a note. If he discounts your feelings, then you might consider finding a new therapist, but he very well might respond positively.

[kecanoe]

How long have you been seeing him? That would make a difference to me.

I would also wonder if the treatment that he thinks will help will actually be helpful regardless of diagnosis. And, is it possible that I do have X along with some other things so we'll address X and then see what else needs addressing.

Sometimes Ts have to come up with a diagnosis quickly. For my insurance, they have to put down a diagnosis or insurance won't pay. Clearly T doesn't know what the real problem is after 1 visit, but they have to put something down. Is it possible that something like that is going on?

[noneedtoknow]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Sorry you're struggling with this. I'd basically tell him what you wrote here--could print it out and hand it to him if it's too hard to say. Or say something like, "It feels like you've jumped to conclusions about me when I've only given you information about one area of my life. And now I'm reluctant to open up and feeling guarded." If you use "I feel" statements, then it's less accusatory. Can I ask how long you've been seeing him?

Hi LonesomeTonight,
Thanks for replying. I have been seeing him about 3 months but its taken a long time to get to where I "shared some stuff I am embarrassed about" I think it's just my own fear getting in the way, not him. Just going to go in and try not to let my fear get in the way and just see what I can learn. Maybe he has already decided, I don't know, but my job is to be willing, not let fear get in my way and see what I can Lear. Thanks again for replying.

[noneedtoknow]

Originally Posted by maybeblue

I can totally relate to this. I hate it when people make snap judgements, particularly about me. I feel the exact same way when therapists do that.

My guess is that he is trying to provide you with immediate help and symptom relief. He just wants to "fix" it for you. The fact that he is male might be part of that. Men and women tend to communicate a little differently. Many times women just want to be understood and men want to solve problems. Obviously this is a gross simplification there are many exceptions, but I think there is some truth to it.

As to what to do about it? I wouldn't fire just him yet. It's such a pain to find a good therapist. And working out relationship problems in therapy can be pretty helpful for real life. But don't let him get away with it. If you can tell him how you are feeling verbally, then do that. Or as @LonesomeTonight suggested hand him a note. If he discounts your feelings, then you might consider finding a new therapist, but he very well might respond positively.

Hi,maybeblue. good thoughts, thank you. He probably is just trying to be helpful and it is my ego and fear getting in the way- I had just shared some embarrassing stuff so I'm pretty sure its just ego and fear. Thank you again for replying.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by kecanoe

How long have you been seeing him? That would make a difference to me.

I would also wonder if the treatment that he thinks will help will actually be helpful regardless of diagnosis. And, is it possible that I do have X along with some other things so we'll address X and then see what else needs addressing.

Sometimes Ts have to come up with a diagnosis quickly. For my insurance, they have to put down a diagnosis or insurance won't pay. Clearly T doesn't know what the real problem is after 1 visit, but they have to put something down. Is it possible that something like that is going on?

Yes and that's why some of us have vague dx like generalized anxiety disorder when the truth is, I probably have a lot of other things going on! It was a quick diagnosis in order to get insurance going.