Mother figure

nottrustin · Jan 24, 2018, 07:14 AM

During the last 2 appointments with EMDR T we had discussions about long term T. Both times EMDR T stressed the importance of long term T to our EMDR work. She feels T is a major suppprt for me. She said that she serves as like a mother for me which is imppetant. Both times I wanted to say I don't see her as a mother figure I had an awesome mom. I think of her as more of an aunt type person. I am even embarrassed by that though so I have never discussed it with T or EMDR T. But it is bothering me. Both T's recently talked and I wonder of that came up in conversation. Wondering if I should bring the topic up with either of them

Jan 24, 2018, 07:42 AM

Thsts quite an assumption your T made. Transference comes from the clients own needs. Not someone else.

maybeblue · Jan 24, 2018, 11:15 AM

That's weird. It's not weird for a client to feel maternal transference, but it's weird for a therapist to try to push that on them. Also not everyone needs long term therapy, and I'd be leery of a therapist who seemed to think everyone does.

I'd be frank with her. I can't think of any good reason for her to try to take the place of your mom, especially if you aren't going to therapy for mom issues.

ElectricManatee · Jan 24, 2018, 12:15 PM

I think it's important to correct therapists when they show that they have made an incorrect assumption. There is nothing wrong with long-term T being a mother figure or an aunt figure or a therapist figure or whatever else she is or isn't to you. But I find it's helpful for my therapist to have the most accurate information possible, so I think you should speak up if you feel one or both of your therapists is working with incorrect information.

fille_folle · Jan 24, 2018, 12:54 PM

@maybeblue I get the impression that long-term T = therapist OP has already been working with a long time. I don't think EMDR T is suggesting that everyone needs long-term therapy.

nottrustin · Jan 24, 2018, 12:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mouse_62

Thsts quite an assumption your T made. Transference comes from the clients own needs. Not someone else.

I agree it is an assumption on EMDR T's part about my relationship with long term T. Should i talk to her about it? Does it really matter other than it bothers me.

ElectricManatee · Jan 24, 2018, 01:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nottrustin

I agree it is an assumption on EMDR T's part about my relationship with long term T. Should i talk to her about it? Does it really matter other than it bothers me.

Talking about things that bother you is often a key aspect of therapy.

nottrustin · Jan 24, 2018, 01:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maybeblue

That's weird. It's not weird for a client to feel maternal transference, but it's weird for a therapist to try to push that on them. Also not everyone needs long term therapy, and I'd be leery of a therapist who seemed to think everyone does.

I'd be frank with her. I can't think of any good reason for her to try to take the place of your mom, especially if you aren't going to therapy for mom issues.

I have been with long-term T for 10 years and with EMDR T since this past summer. EMDR T mentioned how she feels my work with long term T important to our EMDR work because long term T is a good support for me, like a mother figure.

here today · Jan 24, 2018, 02:03 PM

Not at all sure that you would be interested in theories, but I'll toss it out anyway. You can always ignore this.

I personally like Heinz Kohut's ideas of selfobject transferences. Sounds to me like the "aunt" is similar to what I understand is the alter ego selfobject. And most humans need, or needed those as they were growing up, something like that. Sometimes parents can do that as well as being an awesome mom, but I don't see that they have to be the same.

When people lived together in tribes and villages, I expect that that kids and adults or older siblings frequently had those kinds of relationships. But the opportunities for them these days in "first world" countries are often rare.