I keep hearing that there are no bad feelings, that they just are what they are and that it's ok. Fine. Whatever. But then (depending on who I am talking to) I get ridiculed or encouraged to change how I feel or react to something.

I just don't get it.

How are my feelings not bad or wrong if I need to change them?

I am frustrated and super emotional today and T being on vacation for the next week and a half isn't helping.....

[Argonautomobile]

Sounds like a great question for the people who are encouraging you to change how you feel.

[SoupDragon]

Feelings are not bad or wrong, but sometimes it's the way we react to how we feel, that needs tweaking.

[Out There]

Are people invalidating your feelings , along the lines of " you shouldn't feel like that " which makes you feel your feelings are " bad " or you shouldn't be allowed to feel them or deserve to feel them ?

[maybeblue]

A therapist should be able to understand and accept that feelings are not necessarily bad or good, they just are. However, I'm not sure everyone else in everyday life understands or believes that. A person who cares about you will often try to "cheer you up" if you are sad because he or she doesn't want to see you hurting for example.

[AllHeart]

Originally Posted by besidemyselvez

How are my feelings not bad or wrong if I need to change them?

I don't think feelings themselves are what is bad or wrong but that doesn't mean some of them shouldn't be changed. It's what those feelings lead to and how we react to them is what can become bad or wrong for us.

Thank you all for the replies. I get what you're saying but I'm having a hard time processing it and making it stick. My T has been pretty encouraging this whole time, it is mainly other people in my life (ones who should know better) that have been less than understanding.

I get that I should just feel what I feel but I spent so much of my life emotionally numb that everything just feels bad and wrong and I just get so mad at myself for even having them, especially the ones I don't understand. Add in random remarks about changing them or dismissing them and I think that feeling of being wrong or bad just gets validated. Maybe I just need to crawl inside a cave until I can learn to be less of an emotional idiot.

I think being interested in what the feelings maybe telling you might be more productive. Even if we never get an answer. Showing some acknowledgement of all feelings tends to take their power away.
People that have no want or reason to gain more knowledge of their inner world often try and engage others in their own deceptions.