Couch 162: Let's Play Ball! (The Baseball Couch)

How would you feel if you caught your therapist hiding from you?

My therapist had an appointment a few blocks from his office, so I told him we could end our session 10 minutes early so he would have time to get there. We had a 20 minute phone session on Sunday, so I figured it evened out. As I was getting in my car, I see him come out of his building's stairwell onto the street, starts walking my way a few steps, he notices me halfway up the block, and then ducks back into the alcove. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel about this. Did he think I was going to stalk him to his appointment? I've seen him plenty of times on the street, albeit mostly unknown to him. Should I mention it to him tomorrow? I guess I feel kind of hurt, but I don't know why.

I got notice that my GP resigned effectively immediately today.. I was just going to make an appointment with him this week too. Ugh, I don’t want to go through the process of finding a new doctor! My t is best friends with my GP.. I am thinking about asking him if he could tell me what happened and maybe he was going to practice somewhere else in the area that I could follow him to. Do you think that would be rude?

(((LT))) youre kinda treating this friend like hes your t. Youre seeing your t one more time this week, right?

What is the big deal with seeing these people? Unless its some kind of 70's style encounter group, why do you imagine there will be anything more than polite small talk?

Somebody you havent seen in two years, and who you perhaps inappropriately confessed to last time you talked, probably doesnt really want to bring up the past, except maybe to hear you say, oh yeah that was nuthin. Women might want gossipy details, but as a rule i dont think married men do, esp if they have to answer to their wives, wth was that all about?!

Thats how i see this situation. Your friend is uncomfortable with it, and you are only seeing it from your own point of view. He is thinking, how would i feel if this were my wife? He may have strong feelings about it. He is not a t!

I'm not totally sure I'm picturing this right. He started to leave his building but then ducked back in? Is it possible that he forgot something, like his phone or to lock his office door? I tend to take awkward moments like that personally, but I am astonished at how often I am wrong, particularly with my T. (I mostly know this about her specifically because she doesn't mind when I over-analyze the absolute pants off of things).

So I guess my vote would be to ask him what happened. But then "talk to your T about it" is pretty much my answer to everything...

No, his office is on the 3rd floor. He came out of the stairwell onto the sidewalk. I saw him look and see me opening my car halfway up the street. We're in a city. Then duck back into the alcove where his stairwell opens up into the street. It seems clear to me that he saw me and hid until I drove away.

That sounds super awkward and like something out of a dumb sitcom. Maybe he didn't want you to see that he was on his way to the butt doctor.

I'm not expecting him to be like a T...I'm expecting him to be like a friend. In the same way that I would be a friend to him or to others that I'm friends with...Nobody's perfect--true friends accept that...

I guess it bothers me because I agreed to cut our session 10 minutes short so he could get to his appointment on time and then he hid from me on the street. Am I at fault here for feeling this way? I've seen him on the street tons of times although he may not realize it.

Did the notice you got say anything about a referral? Finding a new doctor is a total pain. It's incredibly rare for the ones in my area to be accepting new patients, so a referral can help you get in the door somewhere.


I don't think it would be rude to ask your T about it, but I wouldn't count on getting a straight answer. Resigning effective immediately without any type of notice or transition period suggests to me that there could potentiality be something embarrassing or unseemly that happened. But maybe I'm just being suspicious. Either way, I think your T can decide himself what he wants to tell you, if he does indeed know what's going on.

When you said yesterday that he said he had a 2:30 appt, i assumed he meant he wanted you to come in earlier, as he had another client coming in at 2:30, not his OWN outside appointment. Then you offered to cut off even MORE time, which he didnt even ask for, but a t is NOT going to correct you on.

So basically he was just planning all along to sneak out of work early, altho he did ask permission. But He thinks you think he had a 2:30 in his own office.

No, I thought he had a personal appointment outside his office at 2:30. Does that make sense.?

The email said I could transfer my care to any of the other doctors in the practice or they would do anything they could do to help to transfer to another practice altogether.

And my thoughts when I saw effective immediately that something not so great happened. My other thought was what t doesn’t know? Will that throw him off to hear? Chances are slim that he would not be still.. it’s a thought that crosses my mind when thinking about bringing it up tomorrow.

I know that, but he doesnt know that. Why does no one ever understand my posts!

I know that, but he doesnt know that. Why does no one ever understand my posts!

I know that, but he doesnt know that. Why does no one ever understand my posts!

... (and this isn't about his wife--I'm friends with her, too.)

I'm not expecting him to be like a T...I'm expecting him to be like a friend. In the same way that I would be a friend to him or to others that I'm friends with...Nobody's perfect--true friends accept that...

I'm picking up what you're laying down. You think he implied he had a 2:30 client when he actually wanted to scoot up NP's appointment to skip out of work early. NP assumed he was going to his own appointment elsewhere. When he saw her outside the building, he assumed he was busted and hid while she was just left feeling puzzled.

Whatever the situation, I think talking it out in session makes the most sense. Also, NP, I don't think you should feel obligated to shave off session time, no matter what extra thing he offered you earlier in the week. If he couldn't give you the full time you deserve, he could have rescheduled. I know you were being nice, but I also think it's fine to prioritize yourself in the therapeutic relationship.

The only thing he doesn't know at this point is that I saw him duck back into that alcove. I knew he had a personal appointment.

I guess my point is, if you saw your T ducking to avoid you on the street, would you say something or let it go?