[afnw]

I don't know if this belongs in this forum or not, so please move if necessary...

I've been seeing the same therapist for over 2 years now. And this is the second time that she has forgotten details about me.

The first time was last year when I finally worked up the courage to bring up a possible diagnosis. And when I brought it up again to ask (I was seeking a fresh diagnosis), she said I mentioned tourettes (which I most definitely did not, lol, not even close) when I had said something else entirely.

Second time was very recently when we were talking about a very important time in my life several years ago that spanned a period of 2 months, and she had said 2 weeks and I had to correct her.

To be honest, perhaps I am nitpicking this, but I felt offended that she couldn't remember details about me.

I realize she is only human, and she probably sees a lot of people, but I felt offended because I have been seeing her more than 2 years. Therapy requires a certain level of investment from both sides, and I guess in a way (and I realize it was just twice, but they were important issues to me) it feels like if she can't remember important details that we talk about, how serious is she taking me?

I don't know. Has anyone ever felt or experienced the same in therapy?

She is still newly fully licensed, and TBH after taking a 3 month break and recently returning, I am considering leaving. I just don't think she is experienced enough anyway to give me an accurate diagnosis anyway.

[JacksonLiam]

My old one did a lot but the clincher for me was when she fell asleep on the day I finally got the courage up to talk about my son's shooting.

[LonesomeTonight]

Have you told her that it bothers you? It might be a good thing to discuss, especially since you're considering leaving over it. And how has she reacted when you've corrected her? Apologetic or defensive?

The one I've been seeing a few months has forgotten a few things--but he's also said my memory is much better than his (I have a really good memory though...). When that's happened, he's admitted to forgetting and apologized and asked me to refresh his memory. His response makes me feel better about the forgetting. There have also been a couple times where he's said he couldn't recall if he'd actually said something to me in the past or "just thought very loudly about it." And I appreciate his honesty there. I'm like that sometimes, too--I think about telling someone something, then can't recall if I actually did (or sometimes I'll dream about it instead!)

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by JacksonLiam

My old one did a lot but the clincher for me was when she fell asleep on the day I finally got the courage up to talk about my son's shooting.

How awful, I'm sorry. (Both the shooting and your T falling asleep--I don't think I could keep going if they fell asleep...I assume that's why she's your old one.)

[stopdog]

The woman I hired had a memory like a sieve. I simply quit telling her things that I was going to have an expectation for and found a different use for her.

[maybeblue]

If otherwise the therapy is helpful, I would probably overlook a few memory lapses. Some people simply have better memories than others. Frankly I can't count on my husband to remember something unless I tell him five times, but I know he cares about me. It's annoying, but not worth divorcing over.

[growlycat]

I wouldn’t care if my therapist couldn’t remember my cat’s name but it would bother me if he forgot about my trauma issues. If you otherwise feel she is not engaged then maybe interview other t’s? 2 years is plenty of time for a t to remember key events that you’ve talked about.

[Thalassophile]

My T used to forget details of what I told him regularly. It didn't bother me initially a.) because I realized he has lots of clients and can't remember all the details of everyone's stories b.) because sometimes the details weren't that relevant to my healing etc, c.) I have a bad memory myself so know what it's like and d.) Somewhere along the long I had begun to feel as though I was forgettable and hence details of my life and story were also so I just expected it. I would start stories with 'You probably don't remember when I told you....' etc and he would respond as such. It slowly started to bother me more and more the longer I was with him. It came to a head one day when he forgot something pretty big! This one I couldn't ignore and it made me very angry. I brought it up in session and we discussed it and worked through it. As painful as it was it was a time a growth and healing for me. It also seems to have changed things as he now remembers so much more of what I tell him.

You have been with your T 2 years and they are pretty big things that she forgot so IMO totally understandable that you are hurting and/or annoyed by her forgetting these details. I wouldn't just leave though if I were you. I would bring it up with your T and would use it as an opportunity. If nothing else an opportunity to express your hurt and annoyance with someone in a safe environment and you never know maybe they with also be an opportunity for growth there too. Hopefully, she will respond as a therapist should and be willing to talk it through with you. Maybe she will be able to provide you with either a reasonable explanation and/or an apology of some sort. If she gets defensive and fails to acknowledge any problem then maybe she isn't the T for you.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by JacksonLiam

My old one did a lot but the clincher for me was when she fell asleep on the day I finally got the courage up to talk about my son's shooting.

I don't know how you could have possibly handled that. I am so sorry.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by afnw

I don't know if this belongs in this forum or not, so please move if necessary...

I've been seeing the same therapist for over 2 years now. And this is the second time that she has forgotten details about me.

The first time was last year when I finally worked up the courage to bring up a possible diagnosis. And when I brought it up again to ask (I was seeking a fresh diagnosis), she said I mentioned tourettes (which I most definitely did not, lol, not even close) when I had said something else entirely.

Second time was very recently when we were talking about a very important time in my life several years ago that spanned a period of 2 months, and she had said 2 weeks and I had to correct her.

To be honest, perhaps I am nitpicking this, but I felt offended that she couldn't remember details about me.

I realize she is only human, and she probably sees a lot of people, but I felt offended because I have been seeing her more than 2 years. Therapy requires a certain level of investment from both sides, and I guess in a way (and I realize it was just twice, but they were important issues to me) it feels like if she can't remember important details that we talk about, how serious is she taking me?

I don't know. Has anyone ever felt or experienced the same in therapy?

She is still newly fully licensed, and TBH after taking a 3 month break and recently returning, I am considering leaving. I just don't think she is experienced enough anyway to give me an accurate diagnosis anyway.

Good grief. In the land of computerized record keeping, this is beyond the pale. I am a fundraiser and I keep records of everyone's everything. Their birthdays, their favorite colors, the names of their dogs. How hard can this be?

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

My T forgets things sometimes, but he remembers the overall picture. Like he might remember something happened, but not exactly at what age or something similar.
However, it's never things that we discuss extensively. If I would have talked about why that age was important to me for half an hour, he'd probably remember.

[WarmFuzzySocks]

Mine may forget details sometimes, or misspeak them, like saying something about my four boys (I have three), but she remembers their names and which one I'm speaking about.

I'm inclined to give some grace, especially over slips that are over numbers or time. Sometimes I cannot for the life of me remember on the fly a detail about a longtime friend's life because I am more focused on the larger thought.

[afnw]

Thank you everyone. I guess I have some things to think about. Perhaps I will shop around for a new therapist.

I don't find this acceptable.

[UglyDucky]

I'm sorry this happened to you. On one hand, I think Ts are like all of us in that they forget things, even the big things we tell them. On the other hand, this same situation just happened to me. I've been seeing this T going on 3 years - early in therapy, I told T about a very traumatic thing for me - and considered traumatic by my T. The short of it is that I told T that I'd told her/him this in the first few months of therapy. S/he looked surprised, but said nothing. Today, T stepped over this memory lapse by saying I was sensitive about her/him forgetting things, being ignored, etc. etc.

If I were you, I wouldn't terminate quite yet. Your T may get better w/her memory as she catches on to the rhythm of your treatment. I haven't decided what to do with my T. I'm hurt T didn't apologize, but worse, T lumped forgetting a trauma in with all of the smaller things I've talked about. I have much to think about.

My heart goes out to you....