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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 39,944
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#41
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growlycat, Lemoncake
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#42
Growly, I read your recent post about Kashi's "real" personality and I am just thinking that perhaps you actually do experience his messy behaviors quite often. Probably it is just not an issue usually as it is positive for you, but all those things about the above and beyond behaviors, self-disclosures etc might reflect that he has a tendency to "forget" being a T and he crosses conventional T boundaries often. Even the candy, why did he accept it if he thought it was creepy and a boundary crossing by the client? It sounds like he was pretty moody and temperamental in your last session and it probably has nothing to do with you. It is so frustrating when a client needs emergency sessions just to sort out the T's BS and screw up, they should at least not charge for it. I hope the session tonight went better and he at least admits that the comment on the other client was inappropriate.
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growlycat
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atisketatasket, growlycat, LonesomeTonight, ruh roh, unaluna
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Magnate
Member Since Aug 2014
Location: US
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#43
In session today I told my therapist I didn't feel like she cared much about me or what I did, she asked me if I felt she listened which I said I did. She said she shows care by listening (which...isn't that her job? lol) either way I asked her if she was annoyed and she said she wasn't, she wanted to discuss further what care would look like etc.
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growlycat, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight
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atisketatasket, junkDNA, ruh roh
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Therapy Ninja
Member Since Jan 2007
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#44
I will write most likely tomorrow about my session. He acknowledged that saying negative things about another patient was not demonstrating good boundaries. An emotional session that started with emotional numbness. I’m exhausted. I think we fixed this?
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Anonymous57382, atisketatasket, awkwardlyyours, DP_2017, ElectricManatee, kecanoe, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, NP_Complete, Pennster, ruh roh, SalingerEsme, unaluna
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junkDNA, ruh roh
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Child of a lesser god
Member Since Jun 2015
Location: Tartarus
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#45
So, Info yesterday.
She knew I was angry at her because I’d sent her an email Wednesday saying so and saying why. So she starts by thanking me for coming in to resolve things ( ). Then she compliments my hair (pulled back, not free like usual). Obvious attempts to placate me out of the way, we start talking about the email. One of the two big things I was angry about was that two sessions ago we spent the whole time on my hearing and I thought she had learned something about how to best communicate with me. But the next session she was back to the old habits that led to having that conversation in the first place: not speaking clearly, not orienting herself so she was facing me straight-on, etc. It was during this that I punched a chair. It wasn’t so much because of her as because of what her failure to adapt was symptomatic of: the way the rest of the hearing world treats people who don’t hear. She didn’t react negatively to the punch and asked if my hand was all right. Then we moved on to the second topic: specifically how she kept pushing me to have a three-way meeting with No. 3 last fall. And an even bigger deal to me, my discovery on Tuesday night when I was clearing my email tracking history that it looked like 3 had forwarded an email of mine to her. I did authorize them to talk. I did not authorize them to exchange anything else. Whether or not it’s a legal violation of confidentiality, it feels like one—plus I should have been told about it. Now it’s pretty clear by now 3 has never met a boundary she didn’t want to run down with an eighteen-wheeler and then back up over for good measure, so par for the course for her, but I have repeatedly asked Info to tell me when she acts on permission to consult, and she agreed. Now she put on a fine display of therapist obfuscation. First she didn’t remember if she’d been forwarded the email (believable, since she is a giant flake), she didn’t think so, and said she would look through her emails to be sure. Why she hadn’t already done that I don’t know. Then I pointed out to her that she had in fact mentioned back in December that I had emailed 3 on this topic, the first session after I sent that email. (At the time I assumed 3 had mentioned it, not forwarded a whole email. Even then, the evening Info mentioned that, I canceled their permission to talk to each other.) She said she must have known about the email because I told her...nope, I know for sure I didn’t mention it, because it wasn’t relevant to Info imo. (It was like in a mystery where the murderer’s identity is revealed because he knows some detail the police have held back.) Then she started to argue that my permission for them to communicate covered anything they thought was relevant, at which point I snapped back that if that were true their permission forms wouldn’t have little boxes to check off saying what they could and couldn’t share. Parts of a client’s file is a separate check box from consultation. And that neither of them offered a disclaimer about the confidentiality of email in their paperweight rk or at the end if their emails. She said that was open to interpretation, and I snapped back yeah, you guys use that same excuse, it’s open to interpretation, when you violate “first do no harm.” And then broke down crying at the thought of past harm to me. Which at least stopped the therapist obfuscation. After that I think we talked about therapist harm to me. We didn’t really resolve anything, and she didn’t apologize for anything. So I’m planning to bring up the email again next week. Right now, she just looks like another giant therapist flake who tries to do at a client whatever crosses her mind at the time without thought of consequences or a plan, assured she can always come up with an excuse if things go wrong. |
Anonymous57382, Argonautomobile, awkwardlyyours, ElectricManatee, Elio, growlycat, LonesomeTonight, NP_Complete, RaineD, ruh roh, SalingerEsme, unaluna
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growlycat, SalingerEsme
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#46
I've been incredibly raw since my last session, but I think I'm finally in a place to talk about it, and I like the In Session thread because it's a way for me to go back and refer to things later. I'm going to trigger code the whole thing because it's going to be long, and TW for a ton of things.
Possible trigger:
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atisketatasket, ElectricManatee, Elio, growlycat, LonesomeTonight, NP_Complete, ruh roh, unaluna
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Anonymous45127, junkDNA, NP_Complete
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jul 2017
Location: Neverland
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#47
Oh Daisy, that sounds like an emotional marathon. I don't agree with how Bubbles handled the situation; it seems like you got cornered.
I wrote a really long response, but I don't know how to "hide" the part that might be a trigger to others? __________________ Living things don’t all require/ light in the same degree. Louise Gluck |
Anonymous45127, Elio, LonesomeTonight
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#48
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Daisy, I hope you're as kind to yourself as possibly. Your session sounds so rough and difficult. |
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Elio, LonesomeTonight
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Feb 2017
Location: the upside down
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#49
Daisy, that sounds awful. I think he overreacted. I'm not sure I would be able to trust him after that. Wasn't this only your second or third session with him?
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Anonymous45127, Elio, unaluna
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 39,944
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#50
Holy carp, daisy.
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Anonymous45127, atisketatasket, Elio, Lemoncake
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#51
Thank you everyone for your concerns and perspective. I agree that the situation wasn't handled in the best way, but I feel there's a lot of nuance I may not have expressed that influenced why my take is different than yours.
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Elio, growlycat, kecanoe, LonesomeTonight, unaluna
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Anonymous45127, Elio, kecanoe, NP_Complete, unaluna
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Grand Member
Member Since Jan 2018
Location: USA
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#52
I'm going to go a little against the grain and say that I think he handled it as best as he could. He might have overreacted a bit, but I believe he did it because he cared. Since it was only your second session he doesn't know you all that well. He can't tell yet if he can trust you that you are going to be OK. I'm glad that he protected you, even though he probably knew that you might end up angry at him. I think you found a good one.
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Anonymous45127, Elio, fille_folle, LonesomeTonight, toomanycats
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underdog is here
Member Since Sep 2011
Location: blank
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#53
Their so called caring does not get to trump my autonomy. I would simply lie to them, get out, and never go back to that one.
__________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
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#54
My writeup of my bonus half-hour session today will make more sense if I first post the e-mail exchange. Background: T will be out of town next week, but declined to say where or if work vs. fun when I asked. Which apparently triggered something in me...Note, he said yesterday that he wasn't leaving till Sunday, and implied e-mail would be OK, both before that and during trip.
"Hi Dr. T, So, you said you hoped the whole "nothing triggering" thing wouldn't change after 10 minutes. Well...it lasted 2 hours or so. Feeling upset/sad now and trying to figure out why. I think it's partly that you wouldn't share why (or where?) you were going out of town. From past therapy experiences, if ex-T was going to be away, I might ask, "Work or fun?" And she'd say "I'm going to a conference," or, "I'm taking my grandson on a trip to New York City." With MC, we've asked, and he's said, "I'm taking my daughter to see some colleges" or (recently) "I'm going to a conference." Me: "Someplace warmer, I hope?" MC, "Yes, Tampa." So I think I'm just used to getting responses to those sorts of questions. Not looking for some sort of details, just general ("conference," "headed to West Coast," or maybe, in your case, "[sport he plays semiprofessionally] competition"). Are you choosing not to disclose for your sake--privacy, or maybe you don't trust me with the information? Or are you doing it more for mine, like you don't know if it could potentially bother/upset me? (Particularly because of how some of MC's disclosures affected me.) Or both? Or is it just a blanket policy you have that has nothing to do with individual clients? Again, this is a case of what I'm used to with previous therapists vs. what I'm experiencing now. It's different, so it's confusing. I think there might be more to it than that though...maybe it's also a bit tied up in the "what's your protocol if something happens to you" question. Because even though, statistically, people are much more likely to be in an accident/hurt close to home, I tend to have this huge fear about people's safety when they go away, going back to my parents--when I was a kid, I was convinced they'd die on this one New England trip when I was staying with my grandfather--and, for example, this one ex flying to Europe a month after 9/11, etc. So this is just a general fear of mine. (And maybe why I'm a bit afraid of travel personally?) And I guess...on a less morbid note...I feel like I'm going to miss you while you're gone. I hope that's OK, both to feel that and to tell you that. So...OK, think I needed to get all that out, the thoughts, the fears, etc. Short reply is fine--even just a sentence to say you read all this and are OK with it--longer, paid reply fine, too. Thanks, LT" T's response: "I'll go with the (free) short reply. All is well, and that's kind of you to say that you'll miss me while I'm away. As you say, therapists are quite different in their approach to sharing information about our lives outside the therapy office. Hopefully you will see it as I do - my healthy space between what happens in my office and out of my office. I hope you have a fabulous week!" Last edited by LonesomeTonight; Feb 17, 2018 at 01:05 PM.. |
Elio, growlycat, RaineD, SalingerEsme, SummerTime12
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Anonymous45127, SalingerEsme
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Therapy Ninja
Member Since Jan 2007
Location: How did I get here?
Posts: 10,308
17 16.1k hugs
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#55
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Anonymous45127, atisketatasket, Elio, LonesomeTonight, unaluna
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Child of a lesser god
Member Since Jun 2015
Location: Tartarus
Posts: 19,160
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#56
Quote:
She seems smart, but I obviously don't know her well yet. |
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Anonymous45127, Elio, growlycat, RaineD
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jul 2017
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#57
I relate a whole lot with your reaction . When my T said I'll be out of town to cancel my appointment, and REFUSED to say another word even though we had just gone through a grueling session of him imploring me to trust him, I felt like a fuse blew in therapy. It feels like such a power play. I am usually appeasing, but I was like- Oh are you in the CIA? Witness protection? My T is much much more "authoritative ( how he describes himself ) than your new T seems bc he would never let me have extra time even half a session. Your T is invested in you, even if this is a conflict.
Quote:
__________________ Living things don’t all require/ light in the same degree. Louise Gluck |
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LonesomeTonight
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LonesomeTonight
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,813
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#58
Part 1 of 2.
Bonus half-hour session with T this morning to address my reaction to his e-mail response regarding his going out of town (see a few posts above for that). I was having a panic attack on the drive there, felt like I was going to be sick. He retrieved me a minute early. Went back and sat down. I thanked him for seeing me, he thanked me for being willing to come to office (I'd initially requested phone call, since I didn't know he'd be in today). He said, "I really have no idea why you wanted to meet today." I started crying, said it was mostly about his e-mail response. He said he wasn't sure what in that I was reacting to. I said partly the ending, the "Have a fabulous week." He looked confused. I said, "It's like I'm really struggling here, and you're all, 'Have a fabulous week!'" He said, "I didn't realize you were struggling that much." Me: ??? "It's mostly stuff about your going away. I thought I made that clear in the e-mail." He asked if there was stuff I hadn't brought up in session. I said how some of it didn't really hit me till I got home. Or else it was right at the end of session, so couldn't really discuss. I forget when exactly he said this part, but was near beginning. The e-mails and texts (where I requested a phone call) from last night came up. He said how the e-mail had been fine, but he found the texts to be "intrusive." I said, "I'm sorry." He said, "It's OK, I'm not mad. But I just wanted to let you know because I said before I would be straight with you if something bothered me, since I know that's something you worry about." I thanked him and said I was confused, because he said text was for scheduling, and I thought of phone calls as scheduling, since I hadn't expected him to be in office today (he works some Sundays, but not generally Saturdays). He said it wasn't that, it was his phone going off in the evening, so during his personal time. I said I made sure it was before 10, since I thought 10 was his time boundary. He said, true, but I should have e-mailed, because that he can choose to check when he wants, but if his phone goes off, he feels compelled to check it and respond. That he tries to keep work and home separate. I think I apologized again, and he said was OK, just letting me know how he felt. He asked me more about what I wanted to talk about. I said another thing was how he'd said in the e-mail that it was "kind" of me to say I'd miss him. He asked why that bothered me. "What were you hoping I'd say? Did you hope I'd say 'I'll miss you, too'?" Me: "No! I definitely wasn't expecting you to say that!" T: "OK, what should I have said?" Me: "I mostly just wanted to know that it was OK that I was feeling and sharing that with you. So just something like, "I understand why you're feeling that, and it's OK." He replied, "But that sounds harsher to me than 'It's kind of you to say.'" Me: "I think of 'It's kind' as the response to, 'That's a nice shirt.' This was me expressing something I was scared to express." T: "Oh, I didn't realize you were that worried about it." (I forget what I said there, but I should have said, "Um, that's why I said in the e-mail that I was hoping it was OK to feel and share that with you...") I was having so much trouble getting the words out, kept crying, panicking. I apologized a couple times, and he said it was OK. T looked at my hands and said, "You're shaking. Are you really this anxious talking about all this?" Me: "Yes." T: "Are you afraid something bad is going to happen in this session?" Me: "Maybe? I don't know. I'm just scared." I said I think much of this is because I'm trying to separate from MC now, too...and I guess ex-T. He said that made sense, since they were big supports for me. I said something else about MC, how I feel nothing for him right now like not anger, sadness, or love. And that was hard, like a loss. He asked if it felt like more than a typical loss would feel like for me. I said yes...how it felt like there was this connection there that was gone. "Like I could feel his caring for me all the time. I could feel the connection. And this is going to sound cheesy, but it's like, I felt him there in my heart. And that seems to be gone now." I was sobbing during this. T was just looking at me compassionately during this--I forget if he said anything. Then I said, "It's just like there's this emptiness now, this void..." I then added, "I don't think I'm replacing him with you in that space either. Because I still feel the emptiness. And it was a different thing with him, like this whole other...I don't know, a thing that...what's the word I'm looking for here...ballooned? No that's not it. Snowballed? Maybe. That it just kept growing into its own entity. Like with me caring a lot about him, too. And now it's just gone." Will end part 1 on that cheery note. Part 2 to come... Last edited by LonesomeTonight; Feb 17, 2018 at 02:52 PM.. Reason: typo |
Anonymous52723, Anonymous57777, fille_folle, growlycat, RaineD, ruh roh, SalingerEsme, SummerTime12, unaluna
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since May 2017
Location: USA
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#59
FWIW, Daisy, I agree with blue.
I mostly have one important question: DID you go home and SH? Because, distressing as it all was...if, in the end, you didn't end up going home, falling apart, and SH-ing, then that's something to just be curious about. If it were me, while I would've found it horrendously distressing, I also would feel a sense of gratefulness that he cared... because I do think he cared. Cares. And he didn't just say it -- he lived it with his actions. I hope you're feeling better. |
fille_folle, LonesomeTonight, maybeblue, SalingerEsme
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#60
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I have had no opportunity to do so. I am feeling much better, thank you. There were some medical concerns that contributed to the events I recounted this morning. |
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fille_folle, LonesomeTonight
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Anonymous45127
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Closed Thread |
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