[hopealwayz]

I found my Ts Facebook page and I feel jealous of the lucky people who get to be in his life.

But then that thought made me realize that I’m forming an attachment to him. Just a normal one but I promised myself that I’d never trust another T again.

But since I started caring, I think I’ve been trying to push him away. How do I apologize for my screwed up self?

[DP_2017]

Originally Posted by hopealwayz

I found my Ts Facebook page and I feel jealous of the lucky people who get to be in his life.

But then that thought made me realize that I’m forming an attachment to him. Just a normal one but I promised myself that I’d never trust another T again.

But since I started caring, I think I’ve been trying to push him away. How do I apologize for my screwed up self?

Its ok to look but dont add him. T's are not gonna be accepting fb requests. I know how it is to envy those in their life. Huge struggle for me that bothers me daily. You dont need to applpgize for attachment.

Just set bettrr boundaries for yourself

[confused_77]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

Its ok to look but dont add him. T's are not gonna be accepting fb requests. I know how it is to envy those in their life. Huge struggle for me that bothers me daily. You dont need to applpgize for attachment.

Just set bettrr boundaries for yourself

thanks God my T doesnt have a fb page.. and I also admire people who dont have the need to share their lived on social media! I wish i could not be affected by all this crap happening/being posted on fb/instagram etc.
I am sure I would be envious of the relationships T. choses to have without being paid for it. I am sure I would stalk the hell out of her and her friends just to get a glimpse of what her life is like.. :P... so yes, really glad I dont have that option

[hopealwayz]

I am definitely not going to add him. I respect him by not doing that. It was pretty cool seeing some of his pictures.

[toomanycats]

You don't need to apologize for existing and having needs. That's not something to be sorry for.

[LonesomeTonight]

I would NOT tell him you found his page. It's OK that you did find it, I just wouldn't tell him about it. Some T's are fine with things like that, others aren't. (Really, T's should be careful enough to lock down their page with privacy settings, not using their full name, etc.)

[hopealwayz]

I definitely won’t tell him about it.

[Llama_Llama44]

I actually don't think you should feel the need to hide it from him. He has it on the internet, why would he be surprised that you found it?
I know it's scary to feel attached to him, but don't beat yourself up! If he is helpful than it's probably good (I have a hard time telling myself that, too).

And I've totally looked and am also glad mine doesn't have one (or it's hidden).

[DP_2017]

Mine knows I've looked and actually told me I could, however yes many T's are not like that

One word of warning Hope, if you look too often, like 3x or more I think, you will begin to appear on HIS "people you may know"

[seeker33]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

Mine knows I've looked and actually told me I could, however yes many T's are not like that

One word of warning Hope, if you look too often, like 3x or more I think, you will begin to appear on HIS "people you may know"

Wow thank you this is a very useful info!

[DP_2017]

Originally Posted by seeker33

Wow thank you this is a very useful info!

Yes, I was spooked about certain people in my past knowing I looked them up so did a lot of research and while they are never notified who searches "frequent" searches of the same person became a person they may know so FB will suggest it to them

It's one reason I've been very open about my FB searches with my T but also like I said, he encouraged me to look.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

It's one reason I've been very open about my FB searches with my T but also like I said, he encouraged me to look.

Both sides of this equation make a lot of sense to me. We are only as sick as our secrets and I think that with disclosure, the FB peeking thing will be reduced of its power and weirdness for both the T and the client.

[bobcat21]

I found my T a few months ago I was so paranoid they were going to know I was Looking or I accidentally liked a photo. Isn’t that crazy?? They were mostly older photos ( like college photos) one photo cracked me up since she’s usually so prim and proper but she definitely wasn’t in one of the photos. I only saw maybe one current photo where she’s on vacation somewhere smiling with her hubby but like I said the rest seem to be older either that or you have to be friends with her to see the rest. I do know she’s been with her husband for a long time based on the photos and honestly I pictured her husband to be this really tall guy blonde surfer type but was super short ( shorter than her) so it kinda surprised me.

[coolibrarian]

At my session yesterday, I told T about something I'd figured out about her, and I was about to say, "Then I looked online and saw that it was true," but I didn't get a chance, because she looked at me and said, "You looked it up online." And I said that I did, and I asked her if she was angry or annoyed at me, and she said she wasn't. But she did say she felt "briefly uncomfortable." So then I apologized for that, and we talked about it some more. Finally she said that in the future, I should talk about it with her, BEFORE looking online. We didn't have time to finish, so more of the same at the next session in two weeks.

If a T has public info online such as facebook or a public blog then it's fair game.

I brought up in the second session that I had looked up my T and read his blog. He didnt show any kind of problem with that. He is smart enough to seperate private from public info.

To me it is somewhat comparable with a celebrity. Is a celebrity going to go....

You looked me up online?! What kind of weird freak are you?

I think it shows initiative wanting to find out a bit about the person who can have a lot of power over you.

T's should expect some healthy curiosity and assertiveness in their clients wanting to know who they are seeing.

If you are in the public eye, then expect this kinda stuff.

Now if you find out their address, and knock on their door to see what they are cooking for dinner.....

Then they can tell you where to go...

[junkDNA]

I think I friend requested my t in a psychotic episode, I can't really remember . He never mentioned it or anything about looking him up

[bobcat21]

I often wonder if my T has ever facestalked me ( it is kinda hard though) it is kinda easy through Twitter but I honestly really don’t have any photos just tweets. She seems kinda self absorbed with herself I highly doubt she’d ever check up but though it had crossed my mind.

[hopealwayz]

It’s a relief to know that I’m not the only one.

His profile is public so I got to see a lot of his pictures. I think I’ve only been to his page 2 times though.

[MessyD]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

Mine knows I've looked and actually told me I could, however yes many T's are not like that

One word of warning Hope, if you look too often, like 3x or more I think, you will begin to appear on HIS "people you may know"

Hmm, is that really true? Because in that case my T is bigger stalker than me At one point I saw him on my people I may know almost daily in the first 3. I wasn't looking him up. Interestingly, after I told him, he disappeared from there..

My T told me she was flattered when I told her I looked her up. She remarked that I am very curious about her. She's fine with public stuff she puts on the internet being public. She knows how to use privacy settings and I typed out a FB guide for some of the harder to find privacy settings.

[toomanycats]

I honestly question the judgement of those who do NOT research the crap out of their Ts, including FB.

But then, had I followed my instincts after listening to what I found out about S (ExT) via the internet and run away immediately, I would've been spared years of damage.

I sure as hell have FB-ed every single T I've even met with ONCE since then.