I have a part that i am supposed to get to know. It is a part that shuts everything down and leaves me cold and empty in session whenever we get close to something raw or painful. Problem is i have no awareness of this part it comes out of nowhere and does its stuff. Has anyone had anything similar and what did you do to make yourself more aware and identify it. I can trigger it by reinacting things that happen in session sometimes nut its so quick i cant do anything

[stopdog]

I don't but I wish you luck with it.

[zoiecat]

I have found the easiest way to connect with parts that I don't know is just to be patient work on meditation mindfulness just talking to them and telling them that you accept them you love them you're not going to hurt them they're trying to protect you they need to understand that you don't want to make them go away but you're anxious or curious to get to know them. When they feel comfortable and safe they will finally introduce themselves to you.

You need to understand that even the most unwelcome parts in our mind in some way are there to help you. They don't always go about it in the correct way but it there perspective they are being helpful. Vice versa they do not understand that you mean no harm. So it just takes time patience and gentleness on your part you can't push it.

[Amyjay]

I second what zoiecat said. It is a protective action done with good intent for the self, even though it may be experienced that way. What helps me with those kinds of parts is being curious and accepting. I "talk into the void" a lot with parts like this, just talking to them as though they are there and listening even when I don't have any sense of them at all. It seems to work somehow. But maybe not right away.
My T and I are doing this with some parts that are stonewalling a particular topic in therapy at the moment. We notice it, back off from the topic and talk about them as much as we can. Each time we know a tiny bit more, sense a tiny bit more. It is slow work but it has to be done with respect.

Originally Posted by BlessedCheeseMaker

I have a part that i am supposed to get to know. It is a part that shuts everything down and leaves me cold and empty in session whenever we get close to something raw or painful. Problem is i have no awareness of this part it comes out of nowhere and does its stuff. Has anyone had anything similar and what did you do to make yourself more aware and identify it. I can trigger it by reinacting things that happen in session sometimes nut its so quick i cant do anything

Talking over time.

[feileacan]

Originally Posted by BlessedCheeseMaker

I have a part that i am supposed to get to know. It is a part that shuts everything down and leaves me cold and empty in session whenever we get close to something raw or painful. Problem is i have no awareness of this part it comes out of nowhere and does its stuff. Has anyone had anything similar and what did you do to make yourself more aware and identify it. I can trigger it by reinacting things that happen in session sometimes nut its so quick i cant do anything

Time. Over time, when it gets triggered, you get to know it more. In my experience it is not a process that can be forced.

[MoxieDoxie]

Well I do not have DID but I do shut down in therapy when a T I do not feel connected with or trust gets to close to something. It is called "Freeze" as in Fight, flight, freeze or Fawn. I freeze often in therapy. Hard to focus and I barely remember details of what was being said. It sucks and I get embarrassed as I feel I should be an adult and push through it.

[Favorite Jeans]

Time has helped me with this. As the adult part of me has grown stronger and more emotionally stable and competent, that younger, more freaked out part is better supported.

It is similar to the way that it is reassuring and necessary, if not always welcome, for a teenager to have a trusted, constant, stable parent in a household with rules and limits. That safety allows the young person to have difficult feelings and act in unlovable ways and still know that end of the day things will be okay. The relationship with the parent is strong enough to withstand all that and the parent will not wither and die, nor abandon them, nor kill them.

What helped me get there was for the adult part of me to get to trust my T and to experience therapy as useful. I kind of went in knowing I had to fix that troublesome part but it didn't come easily to me at all. The attitude of gentle, loving, non-judgemental curiosity about that part, that zooiecat and amyjay describe was not possible for me when I started therapy and almost 7 yrs later is only maaaaaaybe an idea I can wrap my head around. Trying to target that part for fixing was a dismal and traumatic failure with lots of PTSD acting up.

It took my adult life getting completely upended in a bad divorce for my generally competent adult self to really find therapy helpful. There was so much happening in my here-and-now grown up life that needed attention in therapy that the teenager part just went quieter. It was like the way you'll stop noticing that you were having a bad headache if a car suddenly drives over your foot.

About three years after the start of that shitshow, it suddenly dawned on me one day that it had been a long time since I'd had this horrible, unfulfillable yearning for love from my T. My attachment to her was now about working together and appreciating her presence and perspective, not so much about hoping she'd love me and take away my pain. I suspect that as the dust settles, I will need to give more attention to that adolescent part (T & I have addressed that intermittently over three years) and that will be hard. But now that adult me trusts T and adult me is a more effectual and confident person, teenager me trusts adult me to be the parent in the house. Adult me could be a way more loving parent to that teen (work to be done!) but at least she now won't let teen me burn down the house.

[MoxieDoxie]

Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans

Time has helped me with this. As the adult part of me has grown stronger and more emotionally stable and competent, that younger, more freaked out part is better supported.

It is similar to the way that it is reassuring and necessary, if not always welcome, for a teenager to have a trusted, constant, stable parent in a household with rules and limits. That safety allows the young person to have difficult feelings and act in unlovable ways and still know that end of the day things will be okay. The relationship with the parent is strong enough to withstand all that and the parent will not wither and die, nor abandon them, nor kill them.

What helped me get there was for the adult part of me to get to trust my T and to experience therapy as useful. I kind of went in knowing I had to fix that troublesome part but it didn't come easily to me at all. The attitude of gentle, loving, non-judgemental curiosity about that part, that zooiecat and amyjay describe was not possible for me when I started therapy and almost 7 yrs later is only maaaaaaybe an idea I can wrap my head around. Trying to target that part for fixing was a dismal and traumatic failure with lots of PTSD acting up.

It took my adult life getting completely upended in a bad divorce for my generally competent adult self to really find therapy helpful. There was so much happening in my here-and-now grown up life that needed attention in therapy that the teenager part just went quieter. It was like the way you'll stop noticing that you were having a bad headache if a car suddenly drives over your foot.

About three years after the start of that shitshow, it suddenly dawned on me one day that it had been a long time since I'd had this horrible, unfulfillable yearning for love from my T. My attachment to her was now about working together and appreciating her presence and perspective, not so much about hoping she'd love me and take away my pain. I suspect that as the dust settles, I will need to give more attention to that adolescent part (T & I have addressed that intermittently over three years) and that will be hard. But now that adult me trusts T and adult me is a more effectual and confident person, teenager me trusts adult me to be the parent in the house. Adult me could be a way more loving parent to that teen (work to be done!) but at least she now won't let teen me burn down the house.

How do you do this??? I get so angry and despondent when T does not give my needy part what it wants. I do not even know how to explain this to my new T without feeling embarrassed. The more he holds his boundaries and does not do more than is expected the more standoffish I get. The less I want to share with him my history as I feel he can not comfort the wounded child part that comes out during trauma therapy.

Thanks to all. My first question was how long? But i suppose it slike how long is a piece of string? I wil try to be patient and do the work.

[zoiecat]

Unfortunately you cannot put a time schedlue on parts when you have DID. My T always says they will share when they feel you are ready and able. All you can do is keep communicating with them with patience and understanding.

[kecanoe]

I agree with what has been suggested already. The only thing I can add is that it was helpful to (in non-triggered times) just sit at my computer and ask parts what they wanted to say about a particular situation. Then let them one at a times, say what they had to say. This was safe enough that the blocking parts started to sometimes chime in, which helped me to see their purpose. And then knowing their purpose helped me to understand and accept them, and that helped them to speak up more etc. Understanding some of their role also helped me to identify why things triggered me, and helped other parts do some of the protecting that I needed.

How long? For me, 3 ish years of DID treatment (I had other treatment before) to identify. 6ish years for them to cooperate with treatment, 7 years for their protection to be more gentle with their protection. And counting...

Did the talking to parts occur in session as well as out of session, because i feel uneasy communicating to my parts in session as i pick a spot and sort of unfocus myself and talk to them silently and it feels weird with T watching me do this.

[Amyjay]

Yes, it can definitely happen out of session as well as in session, we do a lot of processing and communicating outside of session. In session T kind of suggests what would be good to work on, or nudges us or plants ideas, and we follow up with working on those ideas in between sessions.
for me in session I notice I do tune out (like you pick a spot, and focus inwards and listen) but it happens spontaneously not planned. Perhaps its more that in the middle of conversation with T one will start talking and I tune out from the external conversation to listen.

[kecanoe]

Yes, I talk to parts in session. T1 lets me be quiet for a while and then will ask what is going on. I can usually give him at least an overview of what is going on various parts. Some times I can say what specific parts are saying. I've learned to not let the silence bother me most of the time. T1 is very gentle with it and very patient.

T3 takes a different approach. When she notices that she has lost me she will ask if "I" am present. I don't really know who "I" is, but when she asks that I am generally in a triggered state and I can say that. Then she wants me to ground and be present.

[ruh roh]

Originally Posted by BlessedCheeseMaker

Did the talking to parts occur in session as well as out of session, because i feel uneasy communicating to my parts in session as i pick a spot and sort of unfocus myself and talk to them silently and it feels weird with T watching me do this.

I don't usually talk about my process here, for a variety of reasons, one is that I don't use the terminology parts, but to your point: it happens in session and outside session. Often it's spontaneous, depending on stress, but overall the work is very slow. It takes time, a long time.

[Lemoncake]

I feel like I have a 7 and a 4 year old inside of me. The 7 year old grew stronger with time .If I was shopping at the supermarket I started asking her to pick what items she wanted, if it was a muffin or a lego set so be it. I started telling her that it was okay, that I loved her and that I was sorry. My parts are children so I try to treat them gently. I also read a lot to them. Simple books like Mr Men by Roger Hargreaves,Dr suess, Winnie the Pooh, Charlie and the chocolate factory etc. I've always written a lot, but I started writing messages to my therapist with my non dominant hand in my journal and this may sound silly, but usually before bed I spend five mins imagining a safe place for them too .

[kecanoe]

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

I feel like I have a 7 and a 4 year old inside of me. The 7 year old grew stronger with time .If I was shopping at the supermarket I started asking her to pick what items she wanted, if it was a muffin or a lego set so be it. I started telling her that it was okay, that I loved her and that I was sorry. My parts are children so I try to treat them gently. I also read a lot to them. Simple books like Mr Men by Roger Hargreaves,Dr suess, Winnie the Pooh, Charlie and the chocolate factory etc. I've always written a lot, but I started writing messages to my therapist with my non dominant hand in my journal and this may sound silly, but usually before bed I spend five mins imagining a safe place for them too .

Not silly. My Ts have encouraged me to do that. Or perhaps they are silly

[pachyderm]

I don't have parts but experience similar involuntary shutdowns. The only thing I can think of that sort of works is trying to slow things down. Take time. Try to understand what caused the shutdown. Very counter-intuitive, because being shut down feels dangerous -- defenses disabled.