One text once a week

If you had the chance to text your T only once a week, just to know he's alive, not having session afterwards and not it being considered therapy, with no answer from him/her (except "received") and not having to pay him for it, what would you go on saying to him week after week?

at first it could be easy, but then i wouldnt wont to transform it into not-paid therapy and not even in small chat exchange... what would it become then? what would you do? or say? would you like it?

Sometimes when im watching sports on tv (by myself), i think about texting t, like, "that was SO not dukes ball!" But we usually end up talking about these scenes in session anyway.

So good question! Cuz like i told him i wanted to text him just this past week!

Although there are things I sometimes want to tell him I do not question whether he is still there or alive and I would not want to bother him out of session. I would feel guilty taking his personal time with my stuff that can wait until my next session. If he is not going to respond I would get nothing out of it.

And what if he did respond???

I'd send him alphabetized lists of things so I wouldn't have to keep clogging the Dear T thread.

Aquamarine, burgundy, crimson, dark green, eggplant, fuchsia, gold, hot pink, indigo, jade...

I don't want to text my therapist. I find text invasive and annoying. Also I know that it would set me up for perpetual anxiety. If he didn't respond right away for whatever reason, I'd worry he was annoyed or something.

If you have nothing to say, why text or email? Believe me that therapist is still there working. They just don't magically disappear after your session. Kids might need that reassurance, but no sense communicating out of session if you have nothing to say. What would be the point??

"Still alive?"

Alternative:

"Are you still there?"

For me, there would be no need for me to text a therapist unless I was running late to an appointment. I am not a huge texter to begin with and would not want a therapist texting me back - for me it would be a huge intrusion to receive a text from a therapist under most conditions.

Maybe I'd send something I thought T would find funny or interesting, or something I'd want to talk about later. Other than that, I don't see the point... I guess I'd just assume my T is alive and functioning, unless there was some reason to think otherwise. Is it that you want to know the T is thinking about you?

I'm curious is this a hypothetical question or has this option come up with your T or do you want it to be an option?

I can relate to wanting it to be an option. For me, it would be something I would consider if my T was the one to suggest it which would never be the case. I would probably just give a rundown of my week or send something funny or just say I hope their week is going well etc. I think if it was a long-term thing a lack of response from them would start to get to me eventually though even if I think it wouldn't initially. I think it might be beneficial if he was just gone away on a long vacation or something as a form of checking in and maintaining a connection. For me though, it would possibly be like a previous poster suggested as being a way of making him think of me. You can't not think of the person who you receive a text from right? It's almost a way of ensuring that they 'have' to of sorts...

Feedback, probably. "I appreciate you doing x." "Thank you for y today." "Z yesterday was helpful."

I like to give feedback to people - specifically, tell them what I appreciate about them/their behaviour and how it's helpful to me. But in a session - and everyday life - it's often either awkward, or comes across as perfunctory and therefore rather meaningless.

I'd like to be able to let them know, without it being or becoming awkward, what I like so much. What they do right.

On Monday I got a perfect email from my pdoc - it was only 7 words (12 including "hi and bye") and was exactly the right response. But I'm not about to email him back telling him so; however if I could text without consequence, I would.

That's what I'd send...

I did use to send this to ex t1 and she.would reply still here. I didn't do it often and not once a week more like once every few months

Page 1....to be continued.

This question came up cause my T offered me to do that. Our relationship is confusing. Long story short, i only see him three times a year now and due to my high anxiety and issues with obsessing about him being alive or not during those months i dont see him, he offered a "text appointment" to show me he's still alive and what to do if not.

As far as i know he is not a sick type of person but my granma taught me anyone can die at any moment so im terrified when i dont have proof somebody is alive.

With normal people its easier cause i see them every day or do not have this fear, but with my good T i ask myself several times a day whether he is alive or not, so he suggested this.

It is helping, but i dont want to make this become unpaid "text therapy" or do small talk.
Ive thought about explaining him this all so maybe if it comes up in the air with him this issue will fade away.... could it work?

I have sent emails with just...
- hi
- you there
- please just email me
- poke touch

I'm sure there have been others. I think as long as your T holds to his end of the agreement, responds once a week with the agreed upon response, it won't become unpaid "text sessions' or small talk because in short regardless of what you send, he is not engaging in an ongoing dialog.

I changed the verbiage here, because based on what you describe, I do think it has a therapeutic purpose (text therapy), so from that perspective, I think it is completely valid action.

Now then, will you become frustrated that it is only weekly when you think about it several times a day? Will you become frustrated that no mater what you send he only replies with an "alive" or whatever is agreed upon? My T does say that there's little point in stressing (suffering) for long periods if an email will help (we don't text). That I think is the key, will it or does it relieve your stress/suffering or create more? It might take a while to figure out that question. It took me a long time to get passed the pain of waiting for a response. I still obsess over it, the pain is not there.

The more i get attached the more reassurance i need...

maybe this is why i've kept new T at distance...

but i cant let go of good old T....

I used to text my Ts smileys and just little notes like "have a great day" or "hope you got home safe" or "miss you" "thanks for your kindness today" etc

OP

I get your worry about small talk, too often, coming form someone who's been doing that for many months now, it's a good worry. It has not bothered me but I've become addicted, deeply attached and it very much feels friend like.... so it's ok to text and such but be minimal with it and keep to therapy or just check in topics.