[SarahSweden]

I´m sometimes afraid my T will come to a conclusion that she isn´t the right therapist for me and now I would want to hear your experiences around this.

Has your T ever said he/she thinks he/she isn´t the right therapist for you?

If so, how did it go? Did your therapist end it with you or could you find a way to work through that and continue with therapy?

[InnerPeace111]

My T has never said anything like this to me. I don’t expect she ever will. I suppose, though, anything could happen. If she said she didn’t think she was the right therapist for me, I would want to know the reason and hear her recommendation for how I should proceed. It would certainly give me plenty to think about and I hope I would approach/meet the challenge with an open mind and heart.

[zoiecat]

Luckily my therapist specializes in everything that I need for my issues. He does however fill out the treatment plan once a year and if he feels you have not made any progress over the past year it states that he will refer you out. Is philosophy is that he is there to help you and if you're not making any progress then it's unethical for him to continue taking your money or wasting your time if you're not getting better.

[cool09]

I told my therapist I couldn't put myself back together (I feel that years of depression and detachment shattered my personality) and she said "I can't help you". So I quit and she got upset.

My first T but only when I was saying how I thought we were not a good fit. I told him about the other T, how I had a much better connection with the other T and thought he suited me better for xyz reasons. The first T was then arguing how it can be superficial and misleading to seek a fast connection and how he might be better for me exactly because I struggled with him. It was all just part of his many manipulative maneuvers and, much later in retrospect, I think he was the worst interpersonal fit for me ever. I never had a T say they thought they were not right for me or could not help me.

[CharlieStarDust]

She's never. I feel fairly confident that after 6 years and many discussions on how therapy helps me, she's not likely to.

[LabRat27]

No, but that's a concern of mine as well.

I decided to face it head on. I've been seeing my T for a few months now and was getting to the point where I was going to be talking about things I've never talked about before. I knew that if I did that and then he referred me out, it would feel like a rejection and I would be devastated.
So I pretty much told him that. I said that if he thinks there's any chance that he could come to realize that I'm "too much" for him to handle, I would rather that he refer me to another therapist now, because if he did so now I'd be able to work with another therapist in the future, but if he did that after I started talking about the most painful and shameful things then I don't think I'd be able to ever open up like that again.

It went well and I felt a lot better having gotten it out in the open and having been reassured.

[Anastasia~]

T has told me that we are a good fit, and I agree.

[fille_folle]

Yes, unfortunately I have been told this in different ways by both my T's. My previous T, whom I ended up seeing for 12 years, tried to refer me elsewhere at one point. She didn't feel equipped to deal with my diagnosis. Luckily, it didn't work out because the other T had an old client who needed to come back in. So T was stuck with me, lol. My current T hasn't exactly said she's the wrong T for me, but she has reminded me several times that she doesn't have much experience with my diagnosis. I think if there was a specialist in the area, she would have gotten rid of me. Last session, she wanted to know if I felt it was helping me to continue coming, and quizzed me on how it was helpful when I said yes.

[SarahSweden]

Thanks. Do you have doubts yourself about your current T or is it just her who talks about she perhaps can´t help you?

To me, it creates too much worry if my T tells me she perhaps thinks she isn´t the right therapist for me so after hearing that I need to talk to her about that next time. I think it´s not very proffessional of a T to suddenly say he/she isn´t the right therapist if the client has presented his/her issues from the beginning.

I then think it´s more about the T:s own issues, that he/she realises the clients issues are too similar to his or her own and then decides he/she can´t work from that.

Originally Posted by fille_folle

Yes, unfortunately I have been told this in different ways by both my T's. My previous T, whom I ended up seeing for 12 years, tried to refer me elsewhere at one point. She didn't feel equipped to deal with my diagnosis. Luckily, it didn't work out because the other T had an old client who needed to come back in. So T was stuck with me, lol. My current T hasn't exactly said she's the wrong T for me, but she has reminded me several times that she doesn't have much experience with my diagnosis. I think if there was a specialist in the area, she would have gotten rid of me. Last session, she wanted to know if I felt it was helping me to continue coming, and quizzed me on how it was helpful when I said yes.

[fille_folle]

Originally Posted by SarahSweden

Thanks. Do you have doubts yourself about your current T or is it just her who talks about she perhaps can´t help you?

To me, it creates too much worry if my T tells me she perhaps thinks she isn´t the right therapist for me so after hearing that I need to talk to her about that next time. I think it´s not very proffessional of a T to suddenly say he/she isn´t the right therapist if the client has presented his/her issues from the beginning.

I then think it´s more about the T:s own issues, that he/she realises the clients issues are too similar to his or her own and then decides he/she can´t work from that.

Well, to be fair to both my Ts, I deliberately concealed my problem as long as I could. Even when I fessed up a bit to current T, I didn't outright tell her I had previously received a diagnosis of DID. She had to outright confront me about it after a few months. So I can't really blame her, or my previous T, for questioning whether they could handle me.

As for my own opinion, with previous T, I was very attached, and I was a little bit devastated when she wanted to refer me to a specialist. However, I know she was just trying to do what was best for me. In the end, she got supervision from the person she was trying to refer me to, which was really kind of her. For current T, the fact is that I looked around in my area first to see if there was anyone who specialized in DID, and there isn't. I chose her based on her years in the field (30+) and extensive experience working with adult survivors of CSA. Although my T is the first to say she doesn't have a lot of experience with DID, the fact that I am not the first client ever that she has known with this issue is actually more than I could reasonably hope for. Additionally, she hasn't hesitated to address the problems I have related to this diagnosis. If she tried to just pretend it wasn't there, that would be a problem. However, she addresses it and has been helpful so far, so I am content to stay with her.

That's not to say I like her reminders that she isn't an expert. When she says something about that, I always become fearful that she doesn't want to be bothered with my particular issues. At the same time, her other actions have shown her to be willing to work with me, so I try to focus on that.

I think therapists have a responsibility to make clients aware of their limitations, even if the client doesn't want to hear it. For both my Ts, I know that is actually part of their code of ethics.

[MRT6211]

I’ve had T’s tell me that they didn’t know how to help me with something, but never that their not the right therapist for me. It’s a fear of mine, too, though. But one exT definitely should’ve came to that conclusion, but instead we both cling to our incredibly ineffective relationship and it damaged me. :/

[childofchaos831]

Not my current T, but I have had one that did say this. I had the initial consultation and telling of history and what I needed from therapy. It was a place that is sliding scale and she was an intern. She staffed it with the team, and the next week told me that she (and the supervising Ts) thought that office wasn't right for me, but they also gave me a referral to someone else who specialized in trauma and trauma disorders who was also sliding scale.

[ruh roh]

Kind of, yes. We had a big disagreement about what she thinks is going on with me, which requires a certain kind of therapy approach. She said if I wanted something else, then she is not the one for me. So now what happens is she does therapy her way and I do it my way. It's like we are in two different sessions, but it sort of works out.

[Wonderfalls]

It would depend so much on the circumstances. On my first visit with my current therapist I asked her what she does if she doesn't think she and a prospective client are going to click. She said she tells them she doesn't do trauma work and refers them out. The funny thing is that I don't have trauma, we hadn't talked about trauma, and it just came out of thin air. I'm still amused by it imagining her telling unsuspecting clients that, when they hadn't even brought it up.

[captgut]

He said "I'm afraid I'm not helping you" and asked me to see another T "just once" and then "we'll see". I was terryfied that he's going to abandon me.
Well, I saw that "another T" and didn't like her at all. So I keep seeing my T and he never said anything like this again.