Survivors of Unethical Therapy

HD7970GHZ · Mar 06, 2019, 10:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by missbella

Recovery from bad therapy are Hobson's choices. Either:

. My therapists weaponized their diagnoses and assessments against me and were unreliable liars...or

. I was unable to discern reality.

. I'm foregoing my one chance for a happier life because I'm leaving them....or
. They were abusing their authority in an attempt to retain me.

. Their scorn, screaming and snideness was "for my benefit" or...

. They were like anyone else employing scorn, screaming and snideness to assert dominance.

. They had my best interest at heart...or

. They were dishonestly mislabeling venom as beneficence

. They were wise, magnificent life experts...or

. I was a gullible fool to see them as authorities

I love this! You nailed it!

sophiebunny · Mar 07, 2019, 02:54 AM

I had a duel relationship with my first therapist. On one hand she was my trauma therapist and I saw her twice a week. On the other side, I was a frequent guest for dinners, family gatherings, summer vacations, holidays, and special family events for her family. I was included as part of the family. The relationship lasted 4 years. When her treatment strategy turned out to be a complete disaster for me and I was wildly symptomatic, she slowly pulled away. The invitations stopped coming and ultimately she severed ties, blaming my unwillingness to heal. Yes, it destroyed me. It was 25 years ago and recovering from that depth of abandonment has been almost as hard as recovering from my original traumas. Please, anyone who's therapist makes them a family member GET OUT of the relationship. It will crush you.

HD7970GHZ · Mar 07, 2019, 07:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sheltiemom2007

I had a duel relationship with my first therapist. On one hand she was my trauma therapist and I saw her twice a week. On the other side, I was a frequent guest for dinners, family gatherings, summer vacations, holidays, and special family events for her family. I was included as part of the family. The relationship lasted 4 years. When her treatment strategy turned out to be a complete disaster for me and I was wildly symptomatic, she slowly pulled away. The invitations stopped coming and ultimately she severed ties, blaming my unwillingness to heal. Yes, it destroyed me. It was 25 years ago and recovering from that depth of abandonment has been almost as hard as recovering from my original traumas. Please, anyone who's therapist makes them a family member GET OUT of the relationship. It will crush you.

Hi Sheltiemom,

I am so sorry to hear you went through this! Thank you for sharing. My heart goes out to you and I hope that you have found solace in your healing process.

Was the relationship sexualized? How did your therapist describe the relationship with her own family?

I am heartbroken for you. Have you ever filed complaints or shared your story with anyone else?

Thanks,
Hd7970ghz

Mar 07, 2019, 08:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HD7970GHZ

Was the relationship sexualized?

This is none of your business. I think you have a tendency to lose sight of the importance of sensitivity when you are speaking to survivors of therapy trauma. I think your enthusiasm for accountability, whistleblowing and retribution can cause you to muscle into someone else's story and attempt to extract more detail. Sometimes it is enough to allow someone to speak and leave your probing to more political discussions.

HD7970GHZ · 09:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by comrademoomoo

This is none of your business. I think you have a tendency to lose sight of the importance of sensitivity when you are speaking to survivors of therapy trauma. I think your enthusiasm for accountability, whistleblowing and retribution can cause you to muscle into someone else's story and attempt to extract more detail. Sometimes it is enough to allow someone to speak and leave your probing to more political discussions.

Thanks for your opinion Comrademoomoo,

I am sorry if this is triggering to you or anyone else. My intention is not to "probe for more information," it is to offer support. That is the purpose of this thread and this forum. Some survivors want an opportunity to speak about their experience because no one cares enough to ask. So I asked.

Perhaps you have misconstrued. I agree - it is none of my business, but the individual is not required to share that information and if they choose to do so it is a voluntary admission. I am not forcing anyone to share any information, am I? Add to the fact that this is an anonymous forum, whereby sharing such information is safer than in person. On the flip side - there are many survivors that find sharing such information therapeutic rather than being forced into silence for the rest of their lives.

Also, in order to help someone effectively, you kind of need to know what is going on. Sexualized therapeutic relationships are upwards of 10 - 13% according to internal surveys within the therapy profession. Quite a problem. Yet I have recently read (not sure if it is credible) that 9 in 10 do not report.

This is the safest place to talk about these things. Why suffer in silence?

I do appreciate you letting me know how you feel. It is hard to see compassion and empathy through words. Do you believe that I empathize? I do. Very much so. This entire thread exists because I care. How is it that a combination of 4 words somehow misconstrues everything?

4 words:

Quote:

"Was the relationship sexualized?"

The meaning is lost in writing. But imagine me leaning in, saying this in a gentle, empathic tone of voice with tears in my eyes... (Genuinely wanting to help).

See the difference?

I will not engage in ad hominem argumentation. If you have any further problems, feel free to private message me. The real issue is that abuse happens in therapy. So lets talk about that.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

here today · Mar 07, 2019, 09:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HD7970GHZ

Hi Sheltiemom,

. . .

Was the relationship sexualized? How did your therapist describe the relationship with her own family?

. . . Have you ever filed complaints or shared your story with anyone else?

Quote:

Originally Posted by comrademoomoo

This is none of your business. I think you have a tendency to lose sight of the importance of sensitivity when you are speaking to survivors of therapy trauma. I think your enthusiasm for accountability, whistleblowing and retribution can cause you to muscle into someone else's story and attempt to extract more detail. Sometimes it is enough to allow someone to speak and leave your probing to more political discussions.

I agree with HD, the poster is under no obligation to answer the questions. My view is that it is very important to get more information about therapy trauma out into the open. There is a general recognition that sexual relationships in therapy can be very harmful but it is doesn't seem as generally clear how harmful other relationships can be, too. The poster is certainly under no obligation to respond, but the simple factual answers to the questions, if they wish to answer them or provide more information of their choosing, might be helpful to others. Though that is certainly up to them and, first and foremost, if they feel sharing the information would be helpful to their own healing.

HD7970GHZ · Mar 07, 2019, 09:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by here today

I agree with HD, the poster is under no obligation to answer the questions. My view is that it is very important to get more information about therapy trauma out into the open. There is a general recognition that sexual relationships in therapy can be very harmful but it is doesn't seem as generally clear how harmful other relationships can be, too. The poster is certainly under no obligation to respond, but the simple factual answers to the questions, if they wish to answer them or provide more information of their choosing, might be helpful to others. Though that is certainly up to them and, first and foremost, if they feel sharing the information would be helpful to their own healing.

Thank you HereToday, well said.

sarahsweets · Mar 07, 2019, 01:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by comrademoomoo

This is none of your business. I think you have a tendency to lose sight of the importance of sensitivity when you are speaking to survivors of therapy trauma. I think your enthusiasm for accountability, whistleblowing and retribution can cause you to muscle into someone else's story and attempt to extract more detail. Sometimes it is enough to allow someone to speak and leave your probing to more political discussions.

I understand that the question is loaded but I do not think HD was trying to trigger you or probe you. I think Hd was just trying to give you space to share.

HD7970GHZ · Mar 07, 2019, 01:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

I understand that the question is loaded but I do not think HD was trying to trigger you or probe you. I think Hd was just trying to give you space to share.

Thank you Sarahsweets.

♥️

HD7970GHZ · Mar 11, 2019, 03:50 AM

Read this! This is amazing!!!!!

5 Signs of Narcissistic Therapists (The Ultimate Covert Wolves In Sheep's Clothing)

HD7970GHZ · Mar 11, 2019, 03:53 AM

And this!! Wow!!

How Society Gaslights Survivors of Narcissists, Sociopaths and Psychopaths

sarahsweets · Mar 11, 2019, 06:36 AM

Quote:

I want to preface this by saying that there are many excellent therapists, life coaches, writers and advocates who are well-informed about the effects of being with a highly manipulative, narcissistic individual. Unfortunately, there are also professionals and laypersons out there who inadvertently retraumatize survivors because of a lack of knowledge about how covert manipulation tactics work – as well as the effects of this type of trauma. Some survivors are even misdiagnosed by therapists when they are in fact suffering from PTSD or Complex PTSD from years of chronic abuse.

This is an excellent quote. Good article!

here today · Mar 11, 2019, 08:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HD7970GHZ

Read this! This is amazing!!!!!

5 Signs of Narcissistic Therapists (The Ultimate Covert Wolves In Sheep's Clothing)

I grew up in what I believe was a narcissistic family. There was a book about it several years ago. It's slightly different from experiencing what therapists call "narcissistic abuse" by one other person, whom they identify as the bad guy, the narcissistic.

Seems to me all that seeing narcissists "out there" (Sorry, Out There, no personal reference to you intended, for sure!) -- it's one finger pointing out, 3 fingers pointing back.

Not that identifying narcissism isn't important. Denial of it was rampant for a long time. It's just that all that accusatory blaming is not so helpful in the long run. IMO. Identify, yes -- then what?

All that to say -- I went into therapy probably drawn to narcissistic therapists because it was normal to me. They were the kind of people I went to for help, the kind of people I was used to going to for help, the people who were there for me to go for help to, even though I didn't get any acceptance of my real self in my family of origin. But, I had learned how to be what they wanted me to be, more or less, and that set me up to do the same thing with therapists. I was unconscious of, it was automatic for me, and now -- 57 years and lots of (unnecessary?) misery later I do understand it somewhat. Experience with rejecting and shaming therapists made its way into my logic system eventually. Reading posts by people here on PC who didn't think therapists were all good, all the time, helped, too.

There's an additional factor that I think is related to narcissisistic therapists and that is clique-ish therapists. Therapy is their clique -- and you better not go or say anything against it.

For the well-being of the public the therapy profession needs to try to find a way to weed the narcissists out of their profession. It's too much to expect clients to be able to do that on our own.

Out There · Mar 11, 2019, 10:43 PM

Having read the horror story of the wedding sabotaging therapist in HD's post , I doubt I could consider anything more " Out There " than that ! It did have me going OMG , WTF too. When I have spoken to my T's on these issues , they've told me they're aware when people are training that they will not be suitable to be T's , although they pass exams and make all the right noises etc. When they rightfully try to get these people off the courses , the people proceed to use every avenue to continue , human rights , tears , convincing the people who make the ultimate decision on it that it's not true.... train wrecks in progress who will probably damage people before hopefully eventually getting struck off. I wish there was an answer or solution to this. It's so concerning.

HD7970GHZ · Apr 08, 2019, 03:56 PM

You are not alone...

HD7970GHZ · Apr 09, 2019, 11:58 AM

Just saw this and was blown away by the insight provided!!! Read this!!

Inappropriate Countertransference | TELL: Therapy Exploitation Link Line

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

Mopey · Apr 09, 2019, 04:23 PM

I'll feel better if I say something, if only to wave my hand and say, "Ok, Hello, I'm here, MeToo", because this definitely happened to me.

I've had many therapists, all stripes, all degrees, some truly awful, some reputable, one truly outstanding. The two worst were an M.D. and a PsyD.

I did attempt to speak up to the institution involved, was discounted and gaslighted. As one poster said above, bad therapy leads to more therapy, so it's kind of self-perpetuating for the therapists in general.

Won't go into detail except to give many hugs and thanks to the generous and brave persons who have posted their experiences above. It is amazing many of you survived at all.

When I think of my experience today, and I struggle mightily not to, I feel furious, sad, and desperately ashamed all at once.

Live and learn, as they say. Blessings to you all.

HD7970GHZ · Apr 09, 2019, 04:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mopey

I'll feel better if I say something, if only to wave my hand and say, "Ok, Hello, I'm here, MeToo", because this definitely happened to me.

I've had many therapists, all stripes, all degrees, some truly awful, some reputable, one truly outstanding. The two worst were an M.D. and a PsyD.

I did attempt to speak up to the institution involved, was discounted and gaslighted. As one poster said above, bad therapy leads to more therapy, so it's kind of self-perpetuating for the therapists in general.

Won't go into detail except to give many hugs and thanks to the generous and brave persons who have posted their experiences above. It is amazing many of you survived at all.

When I think of my experience today, and I struggle mightily not to, I feel furious, sad, and desperately ashamed all at once.

Live and learn, as they say. Blessings to you all.

Thank you for sharing fellow survivor. My heart goes out to you and I am so sorry that you have had to experience this! Have you heard of Institutional Betrayal? It sounds like that is what you went through.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

HD7970GHZ · Apr 09, 2019, 07:53 PM

I just found this on therapyabuse.org

It BRILLIANTLY explains the inner workings of therapy abuse and litigation. It is also written by a therapist who was abused in therapy!

Here it is. It can be found here:
https://www.therapyabuse.org/t2-unde...rapy-abuse.htm

Quote:

Advice for Subsequent Therapists—from a Colleague who Learned the Hard Way

Dear Fellow Victims of Therapy Abuse—with Recommendations for my Psychotherapy and Psychoanalytic Colleagues:

I am sad to say that as a therapist who has been abused by my therapist, my “training-psychoanalyst,” I know more than I wish to about how many well-meaning professionals just Do Not Get It.

For the record, I was held captive by the infamous multiple perpetrator Edward M. Daniels MD, a training and supervising psychoanalyst at the Boston Psychoanalytic Society and Institute and a Clinical Professor at Harvard University. Ten years elapsed before I could get myself to leave him to take the horrifically long and painful path to regain my life. If some of his other victims had not come forward, I have no idea how much longer it would have taken me to leave.

I will always remember when I learned, one day while I worked toward understanding what had happened to me, that my abuser's psychoanalytic colleagues had known he was an abuser for about two years before I stepped foot into his dangerous office. Later, in shock, I asked his colleagues, who are also my colleagues, "Why didn't you do anything to stop him?" The answer was, "He threatened to sue us if we took action against him. What would you have had us do?" I could not say a word. I could not really register that my colleagues knew and did nothing because no one, individually or as a group, had the decency or the courage to stop him.

About 12 years after his colleagues learned of his first victim, other victims came forward—at their own risk. By then, he had long held me and many others captive.

I have seen many decent psychoanalytic colleagues and other therapists struggle to Get It. I also have seen too many missteps by those who were unable to face the truly horrifying nature of this abuse.

A lot of my colleagues are active in their professional organizations, organizations that have more than adequate ethics regulations. Some of their missteps have taken the form of colleagues, individually and organizationally, expressing sympathy for the abuser while failing to reach out with true concern for and help to the victim.

I remember my horror at a meeting when a prominent psychoanalytic colleague announced proudly that he had facilitated mediation between an abuser and his victim so that the abuser could listen to and understand the victim. He was pleased that the abuser had offered to refund the victim’s fees. He went on to say, "Perhaps some of you will say that he should not have given back the fees,” suggesting that doing so was a major feat of "truth and reconciliation" on the part of the abuser. He added that the abuser was doing well in his subsequent analytic treatment and practice. He said nothing about the victim's outcome.

I remember my belated appreciation of the only psychoanalyst, out of the many who knew that I had been in a training analysis with my abuser but did not know that he had abused me, who called to see how I was doing when the institute’s ethics committee found my abuser guilty of abusing patients and was about expel him. And I remember my later shock at her reaction when I told her that this multiple perpetrator had abused me for years. Stunned, she said, "I never dreamed he would do this to one of us." This woman almost Got It, but even she could not take in the full horror. I could not respond to her comment at that time, because I could not believe my ears. Sad to say, I am no longer shocked by such compartmentalization.

I remember when I told my helpful former psychoanalyst, who I had seen for therapy before I was abused, about what had happened: His first response was "I am so sorry: You must be angry at me for sending you to him." Actually, having known that my former psychoanalyst therapist had also known my abuser, I did not hold him at all responsible for that referral because I knew by then that he, too, had been conned. I was only sad that he immediately spoke about his own guilt, wondering how I felt about him instead of more simply saying, "I wish I had known not to send you to him." I was, however, upset with this former therapist when he said, during my malpractice suit, that I had difficulty with my father, as if to imply that had something to do with my having been abused.

I remember when a prominent psychoanalytic colleague told me he was pleased to hear that I was not angry when I asked him for help in arranging a mediation between me and my first subsequent treating psychoanalyst who had not disclosed his serious conflict of interest when he took me on as a patient—as if I should not be angry at any of my colleagues, even at one who had hurt me a great deal, second only to my abuser. I was able to smile to myself by then because I knew, of course, that I was very angry, but I also knew that to achieve my goal, I must and could contain that anger when talking to this well-meaning person. If my bad subsequent analyst had not agreed to the mediation, I would have gone to the ethics committee: He would have been in danger of an adverse judgment and of being reported to the licensing board. I rose above my anger and thus was purposeful in dealing with my well-meaning colleague.

I must tell you that I could not have made this journey to regain my life and build a new one without the help of my loving family and friends, The Therapy Exploitation Link Line, those brave victims of my abuser who came forward, my excellent lawyers, some excellent investigators at the Massachusetts Board of Medicine, my excellent subsequent psychoanalytic supervisor, some of my good psychoanalytic colleagues, and last, but far from least, my excellent subsequent psychoanalyst, all of whom really did GET IT.

Courage to all of you victim/survivors in your long and arduous travel to take back your lives.

And to my therapist colleagues and to my psychoanalytic colleagues, I say:

Please be humble.

Please do not call this an affair or imply in any way that this abuse was about love.

Please do not in any way hold us responsible for our abuse.

Please do not tell us that our past histories have made us vulnerable to this abuse.

Please let us take the lead in exploring questions of vulnerability.

When we explore questions of vulnerability, please be certain that we absolutely understand that it was always solely the responsibility of the professional to set and to maintain safe and therapeutic boundaries.

Please put away all of your theories and books, and listen to us.

Please listen very carefully to those of us who come to tell you how we have been abused.

Please validate our experiences.

Please help us name our feelings and bring light to what has happened to us.

Please work hard to understand that each of us has been absolutely helpless to prevent this from occurring.

Please know that if you listen openly to us, you will also feel our agony.

Please do not attempt to foreclose our agony or forestall our halting words in any way.

Please be prepared to be available to us for emergency contact between appointments.

Please suppress your desire to take action, and let us take the lead in choosing what we want to do.

Please be prepared to support our actions when we choose to hold our abusers accountable, including, but not limited to, writing concise and clear letters about the harm perpetrated upon us by him or her and being deposed in the course of a malpractice suit we may choose to file.

Please do not assume that you know what has happened to us until you have really listened and really taken in the soul murder that results from this abuse.

You cannot help us until you truly and deeply understand.

Sincerely,

Wanda S. Needleman, M.D.

Mopey · Apr 09, 2019, 10:22 PM

Thank you so much, H. And thank you for your request of friendship. I will look forward to reading the materials recommended above.

HD7970GHZ · Apr 09, 2019, 10:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mopey

Thank you so much, H. And thank you for your request of friendship. I will look forward to reading the materials recommended above.

You are most welcome Mopey - there are some amazing things posted throughout this thread from fellow survivors too. If you ever have time, peruse some of the older messages and you may find a gem that helps you in some way.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

ShouldHaveWalked · Apr 10, 2019, 09:40 AM

Thank you, HD for bringing up this thread, really do appreciate it. I am just curious to know how long it took for their therapist to start acting...well, different. I'm just trying to figure things out.

HD7970GHZ · Apr 10, 2019, 12:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ShouldHaveWalked

Thank you, HD for bringing up this thread, really do appreciate it. I am just curious to know how long it took for their therapist to start acting...well, different. I'm just trying to figure things out.

Hi ShouldHaveWalked,

Welcome to Psych Central.

Do you mean to ask, how long did it take for the therapists to start acting unethically?

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

ShouldHaveWalked · Apr 10, 2019, 12:24 PM

Yeah. I'm sorry, I hope that's not a stupid question. I just keep questioning myself.

Mopey · Apr 10, 2019, 12:36 PM

[There are some amazing things posted throughout this thread from fellow survivors too. If you ever have time, peruse some of the older messages and you may find a gem that helps you in some way. ]

Thank you H... This is a long thread of yours, and as a matter of fact I had already started to read the entries from start to finish before I ever decided to post, myself. The entries are so intensely felt that I can't take in too many of them at once, so last night I made myself a note that I had just finished #20. Today I'll plan to start with #21.

It's sad, sad, sad, isn't it. These professional people don't know what kind of lasting effects they can have on us vulnerable sorts.

Best....

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