[Lrad123]

Has anyone ever asked their T for a reassurance email in between sessions?

My story is that I have this intense push/pull dynamic in therapy. In my real life I am very responsible, but in therapy I’ve had multiple instances of cancelling and then uncancelling. Since my session last week I’ve been feeling a strong urge to no show next week (I’d have to pay as he has a 2-week cancellation policy, so I’d have less guilt, I suppose). The thought of no showing or even ghosting brings me some sort of weird satisfaction and immense sadness at the same time. Logically, I know I should go and work this out, but my feelings are telling me to run for the hills.

Immediately after our session last week I emailed him to tell him if these feelings and he wrote back a very empathetic email saying he’d understand based on our session and my history why I’d feel vulnerable. That was nice and all but I’m stil feeling consumed by these thoughts. He does not respond on weekends so I’m left to suffer through this on my own for now.

Here’s my question: would it make sense to ask for a reassurance email on Monday in the hopes that it would hold me over till my next session on Wednesday? All I’d need is a sentence or two of him saying something nice, I think. Not sure if that’s pathetic or if it would be helpful. I’m also not great at asking for help so I’m not really sure how to ask.

Has anyone sent such an email request?? Does it seem like a good idea?

I understand this push pull very well as I experience it with every t. T knew my process very well and when I would send her n email/ text wanting to quit. She would wAit a few hours, sometimes a day before responding because sometimes my texts would be quite hurtful to her. She would always respond by saying she could see I was struggling and wondered if I was trying to ask for something from her, what did I need? She would always insist that if I was finishing that we have a finishing session and when she said that it would hit me that I actually did not want to finish at all. It really helped and we made this into a rule that when this happened she would respond with that. I wonder could you negotiate with your t what it is you really need when you feel these feelings emerging.

[MoxieDoxie]

I am very grateful my T has a client portal that you can journal him. He has always sent a comment back and even called me if he felt I needed help. I never had to ask and even with two kids and a wife he has responded on weekends.

[Lrad123]

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

I am very grateful my T has a client portal that you can journal him. He has always sent a comment back and even called me if he felt I needed help. I never had to ask and even with two kids and a wife he has responded on weekends.

You are lucky! I’m envious that you didn’t need to ask. I’m not even sure what I’d be asking for.

[Lrad123]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

I understand this push pull very well as I experience it with every t. T knew my process very well and when I would send her n email/ text wanting to quit. She would wAit a few hours, sometimes a day before responding because sometimes my texts would be quite hurtful to her. She would always respond by saying she could see I was struggling and wondered if I was trying to ask for something from her, what did I need? She would always insist that if I was finishing that we have a finishing session and when she said that it would hit me that I actually did not want to finish at all. It really helped and we made this into a rule that when this happened she would respond with that. I wonder could you negotiate with your t what it is you really need when you feel these feelings emerging.

My email was not hurtful, but more desperate and I really did appreciate his response. But now I still have a bunch of days until my next session and I can’t be sure that I’ll show up even though I normally do. This is agonizing. I’m not even sure what I need from him, but I think I do need (want?) something.

Originally Posted by Lrad123

My email was not hurtful, but more desperate and I really did appreciate his response. But now I still have a bunch of days until my next session and I can’t be sure that I’ll show up even though I normally do. This is agonizing. I’m not even sure what I need from him, but I think I do need (want?) something.

I needed to know my t cared but sometimes I didn’t get that and I wanted connection when I text/ emailed her. I wonder if in some way you needed a connection or some reassurance?

[LonesomeTonight]

I've sent something before that was basically like, "Just making sure you're still there" with my former marriage counselor (he responded saying he was). And with current T, I recently checked in to make sure he was still OK with something I'd told him in session the day before. And he sent a couple sentences of reassurance.

I've found it helps to be very specific about what you're looking for. Like actually come out and say "I just need a little reassurance to get me through till Wednesday," something like that. Maybe say all you're asking for is a sentence or two.

[healinginprogress]

I've sent emails asking for reassurance. I generally have to ask for a reponse and I'm as open as possible about what I need or am looking for.

[Lrad123]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

I needed to know my t cared but sometimes I didn’t get that and I wanted connection when I text/ emailed her. I wonder if in some way you needed a connection or some reassurance?

Yes, I think connection is probably what I’m looking for because it sometimes seems to fade between sessions. Trying to figure out what to ask from him in order to feel some connection. He’s already sent one email, so I don’t want to ask for too much more if that’s not appropriate.

[Lrad123]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

I've sent something before that was basically like, "Just making sure you're still there" with my former marriage counselor (he responded saying he was). And with current T, I recently checked in to make sure he was still OK with something I'd told him in session the day before. And he sent a couple sentences of reassurance.

I've found it helps to be very specific about what you're looking for. Like actually come out and say "I just need a little reassurance to get me through till Wednesday," something like that. Maybe say all you're asking for is a sentence or two.

If I do end up emailing him, I’m going to steal your exact wording.

[MoxieDoxie]

I moved out of state and had to leave my adoring T that I feel saved my life. That was devastating. That was 3 years ago. I am always emailing him asking him if he is still alive. I need to do this almost every 3 weeks or so. He use to respond fast but now sometimes he no longer responds. I'm so sad.

[MoxieDoxie]

This is what I feel is my problem. Object consistency. Might be what most of us here have an issue with.

Lack of Object Constancy ? Out of the FOG