[AllHeart]

I don't expect my therapist to be perfect. I certainly don't expect her to remember everything I tell her or recall every conversation we've had. But, I don't think she remembers enough and it bothers me.

We have had at least 3 lengthy discussions over the last year about how my house is a mess because of my lack of functioning. I've also made comments here and there about how I need to do 'xyz' around the house but can't ever seem to get it done. It's a huge problem for me. Yesterday in session, my t asked me if my house was messy. It was not asked as a follow-up question, it was asked because she didn't know. I tried to jog her memory (not a lot though) but she didn't seem to remember anything around this. This has happened a couple times before, too.

Not sure how I'm supposed to open up to her when I'm afraid she's going to forget what I tell her anyway. She does not forget everything, mind you. But, the possibility of her forgetting exists and it's unsettling. Am I being too sensitive or expecting too much from t?

[DP_2017]

My T has a horrible memory, horrible. I'm shocked that he remembers much of anything, it sucks but I'm used to it. I realize why, he's been going through alot and having sleep issues so its effecting his memory and it's not just me because he has forgotten things his boss has asked him to do etc.

I can understand the frustration of it, maybe discuss it with her, that's what I did. I felt somewhat better knowing it wasn't just me and there was a real reason why.

[stopdog]

The woman had a memory like a sieve. It only mattered to me when she would guess wrong. I did not mind if she just asked me, but her track record was so absolutely horrible that her guessing at anything just reminded me she was an idiot who was so self impressed that she would not admit she was horrible at remembering.

[atisketatasket]

This is one of my issues with Info. Three times each now I've had to tell her

Possible trigger:

-that the scar on my left upper arm is a self-harm scar, and no, it didn't happen while I was seeing her; and
-that on one occasion my husband threatened to throw a 20-lb. dumbbell at me three times

These are not minor things to forget. So I don't think you're being too sensitive.

I dumped a therapist once (CW) over her not remembering something even more important to me than those two things and then trying to claim she did remember (when it was obvious she didn't, because who says "Ohhhhh, right" when they've been reminded of something, unless they've forgotten it?). Others I've seen sometimes need a pause to remember something, but I can see them jogging their memories and then they're on board. I don't know why Info can't do that.

I understand how you feel. I've had occasion where T has done something similar. In the moment I feel let down, engaged.
But if I let that go. Talk about it as if for the first time, we do actually get some good work around nd it in the moment happen.
As much as rembering feels good. Approaching it as if a new, can still work.

[healinginprogress]

I can absolutely understand why that would be frustrating. I wonder if your T is more focused in the lack of functioning vs what is not being done?

My T forgets her share of things. And sometimes I get annoyed. I try to remind myself that she's pretty awesome in other ways and I'm not actually her only client.

[awkwardlyyours]

The fact that she can't remember even after three lengthy discussions would bother me a lot.

If it was mentioned in passing, I'd be inclined to give them a pass but even then not so much, if it was clear that it's a highly sensitive topic.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

My T forgets things too, but usually not things we talked about multiple times for a good time of the session. I'd be bothered by it too, it already bothers me when he doesn't remember things that I just said once. I don't think you're being too sensitive, your Ts job is in part to remember issues you have or had in your life. I think it's always good to talk about these things, even if it doesn't help your T to remember things. I brought it up with my T, and now he tries to make sure to remember some smaller things, and in return I kind of know why he sometimes forgets stuff and I feel less bad when he does forget something.

[maybeblue]

That would bug me too. My therapist tends to use the same stories and analogies over and over, which is annoying because I don't know if he's going senile or thinks he needs to repeat himself because I didn't get it the first 14 times. It hasn't bugged me enough to mention it yet, but eventually I'm sure it will.

If I were you I would say something like "Wow it really hurts my feelings that you didn't remember that because it's been a big topic of therapy several times." I bet she would remember next time.

That would bug me a lot. Ninja t usually has an uncanny memory when it comes to stuff I say, she remembers stuff I told her years ago that I'd forgotten sharing even. What annoys me though is that she rarely has any recollection of things that SHE says. And this has caused problems at times.

[satsuma]

I agree that is upsetting. It's one thing for a T to forget details, but this seems like something that is an issue for you and that you hope would improve. How can the T help you work on this issue if she doesn't remember it?
I'm sorry, that would be upsetting for me too.

[Teddy Bear]

If my T forgets something she will say refresh my memory

[SalingerEsme]

Originally Posted by AllHeart

I don't expect my therapist to be perfect. I certainly don't expect her to remember everything I tell her or recall every conversation we've had. But, I don't think she remembers enough and it bothers me.

We have had at least 3 lengthy discussions over the last year about how my house is a mess because of my lack of functioning. I've also made comments here and there about how I need to do 'xyz' around the house but can't ever seem to get it done. It's a huge problem for me. Yesterday in session, my t asked me if my house was messy. It was not asked as a follow-up question, it was asked because she didn't know. I tried to jog her memory (not a lot though) but she didn't seem to remember anything around this. This has happened a couple times before, too.

Not sure how I'm supposed to open up to her when I'm afraid she's going to forget what I tell her anyway. She does not forget everything, mind you. But, the possibility of her forgetting exists and it's unsettling. Am I being too sensitive or expecting too much from t?

I agree this is unsettling, especially if ordering your house is one of your goals. It is also hurtful bc it opens up that unwelcome perspective that we are a job . I've worked with my therapist for a long time on draconian family trauma , and he forgot my mother's name even though it is distinctive. He tried to cover it up, then admitted it. It shook up my sense that the relationship was special to him. Once too he told me to write and email about something, and later said he "scanned it". To me, totally dismissive and even punishing; to him, my guess is he saw that as getting his job done. Your therapist forgetting that so many times makes it come off like she has too many clients or isn't attending/attuning enough(?).

[mcl6136]

I would wonder...am I getting my money's worth? I mean I am a fundraiser and I have to remember details about all of my donors. It's just a requirement. So it is not too much to expect.

[unaluna]

Something like a messy house - you can probably find another thread on this site where a person complains that their t attributes everything to their diagnosis - "thats because youre borderline" or whatever. So do we really want our ts to be thinking, "here comes the hoarder!" Is being messy something we DO, or something we ARE, and how - and how often - does it manifest in session?

So, i wouldnt fault you for being sensitive. Obviously something is bothering you. Like, you think your t forgot a significant fact about you, so you feel... neglected? Angry? In t, it isnt usually about who is right or wrong like Name That Tune in three notes, but more about what you are feeling, then it kinda goes into a jazzy riff from there.

[lucozader]

I don't think you're being too sensitive or expecting too much. My previous T often didn't seem to remember important things (or indeed, anything) and I found it very upsetting. Current T has a great memory, and I really appreciate that.

[bobcat21]

My T forgets things too like all the time like she’ll say oh I didn’t know that even though we just talked about it at the last session and it is in her notes!! My T will tell me to do homework and then tell me to bring it next session and she forgets all about it even though she was the one that told me to do it in the first place!! I am forgetful at times but seriously she is the worst and I think sheesh why can’t you remember little things I don’t want it to bother me but there are those days where I’m having a rough day and it does.

[AllHeart]

Thank you, everyone. You've all been very helpful. My t does do a lot of things right, that's for sure. So, I have to find the courage to talk to my t about this, and a couple other things bothering me, too. I do feel neglected. Or, maybe unimportant. Not that I necessarily want to be important, but, I don't want to sometimes feel like a number just the same. Shoot, the only thing I know for certain is that therapy has become too exhausting!

[MonaT]

I agree that having a therapist that forgets important points is very unsettling and no, you are not being too sensitive.

I had a therapist on Talkspace who would forget about half of what told her all the time. She was a kind person, but I sensed that Talkspace was her side gig and she wasn’t giving it her full attention. I repeatedly brought up the issue and she kept dodging it or saying that she would pay more attention and then do it again. It was one of the reasons I discontinued my use of Talkspace.

I never had this problem with any in person therapists I saw long term. They took copious notes and were pretty sharp about remembering stuff. I only had this occur with online therapy.

Bring it up to the therapist and insist that they address it. If they don’t, maybe it’s time for a change.