[lilypeppermint]

Just wondering if anyone can relate.

I saw my T once and occasionally twice weekly for about four years, paying privately (I’m in the UK) on a very reduced rate. About 18 months ago I paused weekly therapy for various logistical reasons (long story, but suffice to say it was not because of therapy or my T). If you’d told me I was going to do that I would have panicked but my T somehow made it feel ok for me.

Since then I’ve been once or twice every 3-6 months, as I’ve been able to ask for a session any time I want - I just don’t have a regular weekly time that is mine any more. And actually it has done wonders for our therapeutic relationship, to my great surprise. I think this is partly because going intermittently has allowed me to have a consistent experience of my T for long periods of time. When I go weekly I have a lot of experiences of splitting, projection etc. Going less often seems to have allowed me to hold onto my T more. I felt ok with it, until I didn’t.

Recently I’ve had what feels to me like a minor breakdown and am off sick from my job. I’ve got access to six sessions of CBT for free, which is... okay, but not my idea of what therapy is. I quite like the CBT therapist, but I don’t feel like we are working in relationship. She’s more like a dentist for my mind, someone helping me do some useful exercises. It’s like we are just talking about what’s in the shark infested water whereas my T actually jumps in there with me.

So I found myself wishing I could go back to weekly therapy with my actual real therapist. (Seeing another T instead is out of the question. This is my T. Leaving him to start again with someone else would not be helpful.) Now I’m waiting for him to let me know if he has a weekly slot for me on the days we can both do (he doesn’t work Mondays and there’s a day I can’t make) and he says it’s not currently clear if he does. Which means I may need to wait. Which is ok now while I’m having this CBT. After that I guess I could arrange ad hoc sessions as T usually has a few spaces here and there but I feel weird about that, I don’t want random spaces that are left over, I want my very own session and would almost rather wait until he can offer me a time that is mine.

Has anyone else been in this kind of situation? How was it going back?

[LostOnTheTrail]

I have no personal experience of this type of situation, but I wanted to say that I appreciate your CBT analogies...this is part of the reason why I resisted when the first organisation I was involved with tried to recommend it to me. Ended up working with somebody who didn't understand my problem, and didn't really want to, at the end of the day. (Thanks to current T for helping me figure that out this week....the want has to be there to do the work.)

[lilypeppermint]

Originally Posted by LostOnTheTrail

I have no personal experience of this type of situation, but I wanted to say that I appreciate your CBT analogies...this is part of the reason why I resisted when the first organisation I was involved with tried to recommend it to me. Ended up working with somebody who didn't understand my problem, and didn't really want to, at the end of the day. (Thanks to current T for helping me figure that out this week....the want has to be there to do the work.)

I’m so sorry you had that experience.

My CBT has not been terrible, but I think that’s partly luck - this therapist has a decent amount of experience and is also interested in DBT. And right now I figure it’s better to have some therapeutic support than none (I hope that’s the case and it doesn’t just make it worse) and I sort of believe that just going to therapy can be helpful regardless of what you do/talk about so long as the therapist is ‘good enough’ eg starts on time, doesn’t judge, seems empathetic, etc. I don’t know if that’s true though.

My other issue with CBT is that, okay, it’s about changing unhelpful thought patterns that were perhaps useful once and aren’t now. But you have to be so careful with that stuff, as it’s a defence mechanism that might be protecting you.

That, and I can’t just sit in silence in these sessions, or sit on the floor playing with toys (there aren’t any toys).

[annielovesbacon]

I'm about to have a similar experience on Tuesday. It hasn't been 18 months, only 5, since I last saw my T but it feels like a lifetime. I'm very nervous going back because I don't know what it will be like after not seeing her for so long. If you'd like I can come back after my session and let you know.

[lilypeppermint]

Originally Posted by annielovesbacon

I'm about to have a similar experience on Tuesday. It hasn't been 18 months, only 5, since I last saw my T but it feels like a lifetime. I'm very nervous going back because I don't know what it will be like after not seeing her for so long. If you'd like I can come back after my session and let you know.

Only if you feel ok about posting. I hope it goes well.

I have actually seen my T intermittently as mentioned but it’s just not the same as going weekly.

[Fuzzybear]

I’m in the uk and I tried to work with a therapist who didn’t understand my problem, and I eventually realised, didn’t want to

I wouldn’t go back



It’s refreshing to hear about a therapist in the uk who “allows playing with toys”!

The former T I had (I have seen a few others too) said “you can play in here.”

But there were no toys, and I was told that my “anxiety is destructive to the therapy”

I guess I was a “bad patient” ..

[lilypeppermint]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I’m in the uk and I tried to work with a therapist who didn’t understand my problem, and I eventually realised, didn’t want to

I wouldn’t go back



It’s refreshing to hear about a therapist in the uk who “allows playing with toys”!

The former T I had (I have seen a few others too) said “you can play in here.”

But there were no toys, and I was told that my “anxiety is destructive to the therapy”

I guess I was a “bad patient” ..

Well that just sounds like a bad therapist

My private T has two shelves of toys. I borrowed one when I went on hiatus - it’s just a little Happy Meal toy but it reminds me of my T.

[fille_folle]

When I moved away from longtime T, we were on every two weeks. Three months passed before I became so depressed that I found another T. I had regressed quite a bit, so I am now on twice a week.

[lilypeppermint]

My T has found me a space starting next week, so I need to end the CBT early. I think that’s the right choice even though the CBT is free as it frankly seems to be making things worse (I have felt suicidal most of the past week).

Now I have to tell the CBT therapist. It would be too short notice to cancel tomorrow’s session and I would like to have the closure but I don’t know whether to tell her in person or try to email her. Or to not tell her at the session and take the cowards way out and terminate by email afterwards.

All I need to say is I have realised I would be better off going back to my old therapist but it’s hard! I’m worried she will be annoyed with me!

[annielovesbacon]

Originally Posted by lilypeppermint

Only if you feel ok about posting. I hope it goes well.

I have actually seen my T intermittently as mentioned but it’s just not the same as going weekly.

The session went really well! I was sooo anxious about going, I almost cancelled the appointment. But I'm glad I went. I was so worried she would have forgotten me, or that we would have to backtrack and rehash things we'd already talked about so she could remember, but we jumped right back in like nothing had changed. It was so comforting being in her office again.

[lilypeppermint]

Originally Posted by annielovesbacon

The session went really well! I was sooo anxious about going, I almost cancelled the appointment. But I'm glad I went. I was so worried she would have forgotten me, or that we would have to backtrack and rehash things we'd already talked about so she could remember, but we jumped right back in like nothing had changed. It was so comforting being in her office again.

I’m so pleased for you!