T suggesting I meet other clients of his

I am in weekly therapy with a therapist for just a few months. I'm a trauma Survivor and I'm struggling to trust my therapist I think it's because of things he's doing and not just my issues but I think that my therapist thinks it's just because I have issues. So he suggested I meet his other clients that have similar issues that I do so they can tell me that he's been a great therapist with them and that he's safe and I can trust him etc. Something about this feels really off to me but I'm just not sure.

Has anyone else met therapists other clients for any reason? Did it go alright?

Hm-m-m-m... well... I haven't exactly had this experience. I don't see a therapist anymore. But while I was seeing my last one, I did have an opportunity to meet some of her other clients who had concerns similar to mine. The reason wasn't so that I could feel more comfortable with her as a therapist. It was just because I have always been very much isolated in my mental health concerns & wanted to have the opportunity to meet some other folks with similar issues. In retrospect, I can't say as it really amounted to much though.

Certainly if you have reservations about doing what your T is suggesting, you shouldn't do it. But assuming you can reach a point where you're comfortable with it, & your T's other clients are comfortable with it (presumably they wouldn't do it if they weren't), I guess I don't really see anything wrong with the idea myself. Perhaps other members will have different perspectives... I wish you well...

Unless it's group therapy that would be a violation of privacy. No, no,no! He needs to earn trust or not treat you if he can't. I think that is totally off the wall suggestion.

That is really off. I would not be ok with this. So what if other people feel differently, this is how you feel. I’m sorry I think you may need to change therapist. This is just invalidating and unhelpful.

I agree, something doesn’t sound quite right. How many times has this come up? Have you been able to ask, “ How is this supposed to benefit me, again?”

He wants you to meet his other clients so they can tell you he’s been a great therapist?? Is that correct? Hmmm.

Are the meetings more about discussing your T’s ‘wonderfulness’ vs. meeting clients who are going through similar trauma issues as you?

My (good) PrevT arranged for me to meet another client of hers who had also been exploited by a therapist.. ( I had been exploited by a T, too )..so that meeting was for ME...but the aim of the meeting was *not* to extol
the virtues of PrevT.

Does your T seem narcissistic or needing ego strokes?
Believe I would ask T a few more questions.

How are you feeling about the suggestion now?

I agree with others that this seems really off. I really question how this person approaches trauma survivors. I have read a lot about treatment with trauma survivors and have never seen this cited as a method to build trust.

Often, for people who are dealing with interpersonal trauma, boundary issues are huge, and preserving confidentiality is SO important. Meeting other patients seems seriously problematic. There is no way I want to meet my therapist's other patients. (A group therapy group would be a very different situation.)

The fact that *other people* may trust him is completely irrelevant. Many people have been betrayed by people that others see as trustworthy. And other people's feelings do not matter--yours do!

My therapist, faced with my distrust, told me that I would have to decide for myself after interacting with him; that he saw himself as trustworthy but that this would be for me to decide based on his actions. He didn't say, "Hey, let me introduce you to some other people who will vouch for me!" He didn't pressure me to trust him! He just let me come to my own conclusions through experience over time. That is the only way a person can prove to be trustworthy and it cannot be rushed. You can also cycle through periods of trust and distrust--it's not a one-off kind of thing.

You may well have "issues" but that doesn't mean that everything you perceive is flawed. If his suggestion sounds messed up to you, it's because it sounds like it is messed up. How did you find this therapist? Did you interview more than one? Maybe this is not the right person for you. I would not do ANYTHING that makes you uncomfortable.

Btw, what other kinds of things is he doing that spark some distrust?

Just want to add, trust is earned through trust-building experiences...not necessarily earned just because a group of people tell you the T is ‘great.’

As a trauma survivor, your T should be extra careful, imo.

How is this meeting supposed to happen?

No way. I think this is unethical. I think it's unethical for him to suggest you meet other clients to "help" you trust him. But it's just as unethical if not more for him to suggest that his other clients talk to you. The reason I think this might be even more unethical is because imagine that you have a therapist that you do trust and he wants you to meet another client to "help" them, and say you don't really want to do it. But I can easily imagine that a person in this situation might feel pressure to do it anyway...otherwise will their therapist stop liking them as much?

Therapists are not supposed to solicit reviews from current clients, for this very reason. This seems very much the same kind of thing.

Yes, "maybeblue" is so right. Therapists are not supposed to be soliciting favors from their clients. Saying something like, "Hey, I've got this patient with problems similar to yours, are you willing to talk to her and vouch for me" is soliciting a favor and is inappropriate. I just find this whole suggestion bizarre on so many different levels and to me it seems like a real red flag.

That sounds weird af. Trust your gut instincts. He should be showing you through his actionshow to trust him. Not having you meet his other clients so they can tell you how great he is. That's just unprofessional, unethical, and bizarre.

Thinking about this some more it worries me that he is telling you your feelings are wrong instead of teaching you how to trust your own feelings.

I am so sorry but I just really don’t think this is a good idea.

On its face, this is all kinds of wrong.

It sounds weird, though, I attend a day hospital and that is not uncommon. You are not ask to explicity do so, but they ask you to be nice and make the new patient confortable, which usually ends up with the new person asking if the team is trustable.

"This person has many thing in common with you, would you like to meet him/her?" (This is not uncommon either)

I have found it helpful to talk with other patients about how trustable the psych team is.

Anyway, since it is a day hospital, it is different from a T office...

I've met quite a few of my therapists other clients because he runs a community house for us. he encourages social activity there. he does this because he knows some of us struggle with isolation and social anxiety. I find it beneficial but I'm aware some people struggle with jealousy around other clients and privacy issues. but i personally don't find this unethical or wrong

Yeah, I agree that this seems off. It would be different if, say, it was a landscaper or home remodeler and you wanted to see examples of their past work to see if they're good at their job. Or to get references. But therapy is such a personal, individual thing, that I don't think having other clients vouch for him would help you. Plus, I mean, obviously he's going to pick the clients who think he's great. But a therapist who is great for one person might be a bad fit for another. I think in terms of trust with a therapist, it's something that needs to be built over time.

I'm also curious as to what else he's doing/not doing that makes you not trust him.

Thank you so much for each and every reply. They have given me lots to think through. Lonesonetonight there have been several things. One is that he gave me a book to read that he gives all his PTSD/DD/Trauma clients to read I guess. I'm C-PTSD and DID. It triggered me terribly, probably the worst trigger I've had in months. He suggested I read it on the 2nd session with him. Once I got things calmed down (about 10 days later), I went to a session and kinda mention it triggered me. I was feeling ashamed a book could do this. Anyway, he went on to tell me how ALL the other dissociative/PTSD clients loved it and found it helpful. They would highlight passages and bring it in and discuss it with him. I felt so pathetic, humiliated. I wish he hadn't told me ALL the others liked it just fine. That is one of the things. I just came off an abusive therapist about 2 years before. He blames everything I bring up on how others have surely made a immensely difficult task for him in his trying to get me to trust him. He told me on the 3rd session it would take 3-6 months for me to fully trust him. That feels strange to me too. Have a found another bad therapist OR is it me that is just way too sensitive and seeing things that aren't there. He also pressures me to forgive him when I bring up stuff, yet he never clearly articulates if he gets what happened for me or not. Maybe it's not pressure, and I take it that way. He says if I don't forgive then I'll never trust. I have several close friends and have been married for over 20 years, so I can do the trust/close relationship thing. There is more, but I'm sure I've gone on enough. Thank you all for your input.

That seems wrong to me too.

yeah, but that is a different situation with your T, then OP's T who is asking him/her to meet their clients. A community house makes sense, and I am sure it is something he has established and thinks very closely about how to run that and approach clients with the prospect.

This just seems shady af. Especially the reasoning the OP's T is giving: to see that he is trust-worthy just because other client's think so?! Oh He11 no!

It just strikes me that there's a basic faulty assumption at the heart of this T's thinking that reflects incompetence, at best. OP's "issues" are the stuff of therapy--not a distraction to be stigmatized and foisted off on her and others to somehow "fix" before therapy can begin. What exactly does this T think his job is?

This seems very wrong and unethical to me. It sounds like this therapist is not happy that you just didnt automatically trust him. Trust is earned. It seems like he’s trying to get himself an ego boost. If it feels off to you, you don’t have to do it. Its your therapy and you call the shots. Also, if he can’t treat you effectively then its his job to tell you so that you can look for a therapist that can help you.

Nailed it.