[MissCharlotte]

Today I told T I was po'd at him last night and he said you don't need a reason to be pissed off at your therapist! He was letting me know it was ok. I told him I was mad at the world too. Then we talked around a number of things including his favorite topic--my confusion....and I can't remember what he said about it.

The whole time I was holding onto the toss pillow he keeps on the couch (my new seat). I hugged it, leaned on it, and rested my head on it in front of me. As I was leaving T said, "It looks like you've got a friend there."

Okay, I love him again.

Sister,
I'm so happy for you! It feels so calming when your relationship with T is going well!

Great!!!

We love him!

So far, you and Soliaree today-- that's 2 for 2. Hopefully it will be 3 for 3 come Saturday.

I do the same thing with the pillow! Well actually the pillow is on the analytic couch and I'm on the chair so if I start going into little kid mode, T says, "stuffed animal?" and tosses me the pillow.

Why can't he say, "Stuffed T?" and sit in my lap?

OK ENOUGH. lol. I'm going into bed. jajaja

[sunrise]

That sounds like a really nice session. I like how he lets you be angry with him and says you don't need a reason. That is an interesting concept, and not one I am sure I believe (for myself)!

I love how you used the pillow. When I first went to my T, I would often clutch a pillow in front of me right against my stomach, and sometimes I would kind of hide behind it, like if I cried. Pillows can have so many uses. They should be required equipment for every therapist.

[MissCharlotte]

PInk, stuffed T? LOL

Sunny, required equipment? YES

I have this fantasy of walking into therapy with a really huge shopping bag. I sit down and pull out a really huge teddy bear from the bag, and then I hug it, lay on it, and otherwise use it to my heart's content. Maybe the teddy bear should be a T? We could design it at that build-a-bear shop in the mall. Hmmmm I smell a shopping trip coming up this weekend. Fun!

((((((sister)))))

I'm so happy for you!!!!!!!

[RACEKA]

The stuffed T is funny. I LOL at work.

My T doesn't have any small pillows, they are all couch size. I should suggest small ones to hug.

While you are joking about the shopping bag I'll tell what I do.

I take my teddy bear which is real soft and about 24" long. I stuff it inside a soft pink velour shoulder bag so nobody knows I have it. When I get to T's office I take it out and hold it right next to my stomach. Last week I was really in bad shape so I hugged the bag and all while I waited in the waiting room. I knew my comfort was in that bag. Nobody else knew what was in there.

Maybe tomorrow I can hold the stuffed penguin.

He offered two weeks ago and I declined.

I was too embarrassed.

Then I told him last week that I wish I held it. Ok, well, I didn't tell him... I wrote it to him. But it read it in front of me. My therapy has been reduced to writing to him because I'm embarrassed of everything lately.

[MissCharlotte]

jajajajaj

Love that fan! What would you do with it?

I think you should use the penguin and do not be embarrassed. When T made the comment about me finding a friend, it made me feel really cozy and good. I'm still basking in it. Earlier in the conversation we had talked about comfort objects. I never really had one as a kid, just sucked my fingers for comfort. Now I have a pillow and I love it.

go ahead, give it a whirl. I think you will like it!



Raceka,

Yeah, great idea, bringing the teddy with you.

[RACEKA]

I'm working on abuse treatment and "The Mother" took my teddy bear away. I can now have whatever I want.

I also have 64 crayola crayons at home because I was never allowed to have them. You know the ones with the sharpener! I color to try to keep control of my thoughts without dissociation.

[mel4]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
pinksoil said:
But it read it in front of me.

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hey pink, freudian typo slip? is it possible that *** of late you've been viewing T as more of an object, if that makes sense? (replacing "he" with "it") hahha or maybe im just pulling this out of my ***, as typing can get rather finicky lol....

melissa

[MissCharlotte]

OMG Raceka

I always thought it was the rich kids who had those boxes of crayons. I LOVE that you bought it for yourself. I might go buy myself some this weekend. Funny, I've been raising a family for 25 years, and bought my own kids all the expensive crayons but never for me.

I also think you should just take one of the big couch pillows and hug it! LOL Imagine what T would say if you just started taking the couch apart?

Peace

Sister,
I have to say that I LOVE your Subject Title. I thought that my "In the Throes of the Therapeutic Relationship" was a gem. However, yours blew mine out of the water!!! I love your posts
jajajajajajajaja

[sunrise]

In our couples session earlier this week, my T revealed that he has a basket of dolls in his office. They are way up high on a shelf over his desk. They are for kids who come to therapy. Do I ever want to see those dolls! And touch them. I kind of want to sit on the floor, and take them all out of the basket and arrange them (somehow I absolutely cannot bring myself to type that I want to play with them). Oy. Do you think T would freak if I asked him to get the dolls down for me? In 2 weeks, we are having a family therapy session with both parents and our 2 kids. Maybe he will get the dolls down for that.

[ECHOES]

RACEKA,

I'm jealous! I color too but I only have a box of 16

I never had the nerve to have some just for me after my son got older, but when I was out sick for a couple of month, my co-workers made a gift bag for me and the person who delivered it put them in. She remembered that I had "joked" at work that I was a secret colorer. She was so sweet to do that!

-your fellow (former) Akronite,

[ECHOES]

Sunny, my T has lots of toys on shelves that line part of one wall. I hate them and love them and yes sometimes I want to get down on the floor and play with them!

That's interesting about the pillows in therapy. Why are they there? Are they stand-ins for T? I won't go near my T's pillow and we both think I'm holding back and not letting her in...

[MissCharlotte]

OK now I'm getting jealous. This all started with a little toss pillow that has now become my friend. But I have NOT seen crayons, toys, or dolls in my T's office!

I did see a bunch of sticks on a chair once, like pick up sticks but I think it was something like those I Ching sticks or something. Who knows what they were? I was in the beginning of therapy and I remember wondering whether I would ever be the kind of client who got to play games with T. So......(yeah, I know I play games but not the fun kind)!

[sunrise]

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That's interesting about the pillows in therapy. Why are they there?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">ECHOES, my T has a lot of pillows to make his couch comfy, like large throw pillows. They are also good to hug or hide behind.

ECHOES, do you think it would be OK if you played with the toys in your T's office? What would your T say? Has she ever offered you the toys before? I now have this terrible urge to interact with the dolls (see, I still can't say "play"). I just kind of want to "unpack" them from their basket and lay them out on the floor and look at them, and maybe put them in groups or something. Would my T freak if I requested the dolls? Should I do this? I remember once T told me he had taken a play therapy class before, where he and the other students "played" with toys while the play therapist demonstrated how to do play therapy, using them as the child stand-ins. T told me it was really therapeutic having the play therapist do play therapy on him. He made it sound really great.

Sister, I think your thread has triggered a doll urge in me.

[ECHOES]

Well I did tell her that the toys bug me. For one, that's mostly what I see from my view on the couch. One wall is toys/shelves, one is her desk and a toy house that sits on a file cabinet beside her desk, then the other 2 walls are chairs and couch, a round table with a skirted tablecloth that has a lamp, another table in the corner, and a couple fo nice pictures on the wall. But the way was sit, I see the 2 walls with toys/desk/file cabinet (with magnets on it of faces that show different emotions) and she from where she sits, she sees the other 2 walls and the nice soft lamp, pictures, etc. I see toys and try to act like an adult. lol

But they bug me because it means kids play with her.

But that's a current issue since seeing her bring the little boy patient out to return him to his waiting dad. So, the desire to play with them/play with them with her... may come up yet. I have only told her I was jealous of the little boy (glad as I am that his parents are good to be making sure he gest whatever help he needs) because he gets to be a little boy.. with her. Sheesh I feel like a jealous sibling or something. Weird.

Wonder what your T would say if you told him you've been thinking about the dolls and about his telling you about his play therapy-as-training experience... What do you think?

[sunrise]

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ECHOES said:
Well I did tell her that the toys bug me.

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I think I might be distracted with all the toys on the wall to look at, ECHOES. Unless they were "harmonious" toys. See, I am kind of interested to see what kind of dolls T has in his basket. I picture them being hand-stitched with yarn hair, and calico clothes in earth tones, kind of like this:



</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Wonder what your T would say if you told him you've been thinking about the dolls and about his telling you about his play therapy-as-training experience... What do you think?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Well, he would probably think I am highly strange. I think he already thinks that anyway. I wish I had time to indulge in stuff like the dolls in therapy but right now we're so caught up in the divorce, that it's impossible to devote time to dolls, dreams, etc. I wonder if my desire to play with dolls is a desire to go back to a more "innocent" time with T in therapy, when we didn't have to deal with the mechanics (and pain) of divorce? A simpler time. He could play with his truck. I could play with the dolls. Side by side. (As a child, I never played with dolls.)

Sister, I am sorry to divert your thread!

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sister said:
OK now I'm getting jealous. This all started with a little toss pillow that has now become my friend. But I have NOT seen crayons, toys, or dolls in my T's office!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

DUH, Sister.... that's cause you are his only client. What would he be doing with extra materials if he wasn't sure you were gonna play with them? Just give him a list of what you want; I'm sure he'll get them

[MissCharlotte]

Hey Sunny,

No diversion. The thread has evolved like a real conversation and I'm enjoying this. I love you guys.

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He could play with his truck. I could play with the dolls. Side by side. (As a child, I never played with dolls.)

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I love this, love this, love this. Now I'm stealing your fantasy! The idea of T playing with his trucks is way too cute.

Sunny, I'm sorry you have to share your T right now. But, before long you will be back together just the two of you and you can play with the dolls and even if he doesn't play with trucks, you can pretend he is!

Peace

[ECHOES]

sunny's T...

[sunrise]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
sister said:
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
He could play with his truck. I could play with the dolls. Side by side. (As a child, I never played with dolls.)

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
I love this, love this, love this. Now I'm stealing your fantasy! The idea of T playing with his trucks is way too cute.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">When T told me about his experience with play therapy, he told me he was down on his hands and knees, pushing a truck and making truck noises. And he ran his truck into the doll of a girl named "Susie" (another of the therapist-students taking the play therapy course). And they had this little spat due to that "accident." And the play therapist was there to help them. I have held that conversation in my mind a long time, I guess. Now I want to be on the ground playing with T. Him with the truck and me with the doll. Maybe I want his truck to run into my doll and us to repair our collision.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Sunny, I'm sorry you have to share your T right now. But, before long you will be back together just the two of you

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Thanks, sister. It's not actually just that I'm sharing now, because I am still having weekly individual sessions, but they are focused on dealing with hugely important emotional issues related to the divorce.

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ECHOES said:
sunny's T...

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
Ahhhh, I love that, ECHOES!