[growlycat]

I am wondering what your t’s policy is on friendship or friendly contact after therapy has ended. This could mean anything from keeping in touch by email once in awhile to becoming friends. From right away to a waiting period. I don’t know if there is an acceptable standard.

My t is open to it but believes it is two years after therapy ends. I always thought that two year thing was for romantic relationships not friendships. So would love to hear your t’s policy or if you know the rule on this that’s great too.

[feralkittymom]

As far as APA, there is no waiting period mandated for contact, excluding romantic contact. There is a 2 yr ethical mandate for romantic contact, but such contact is discouraged, regardless of time passed. It also depends upon whether or not the T is retired, at least in terms of logistics, because once a license is surrendered, there's no sanction to pursue. Basically, the APA urges members to give serious thought and reflection to any contact and cautions against the T initiating contact.

I don't think my T had a specific policy across the board. I'm sure he considered a former client's vulnerabilities, progress, and termination status individually. I'm pretty sure that in most cases, contact was somewhat limited, if only because of the nature of his client base: transient Univ students, so not usually long-term.

We haven't discussed it in detail.

I read some limited contact is accepted after therapy ends in the schema therapy clinician books. It actually wrote that some patients "never fully terminate" and may email to update the therapist etc. That gave me hope because eventually I'm leaving my home country to immigrate away. In a phone call, I...was crying hard and told T how I don't want to lose her permanently...

The next session she said I could email after therapy ends and though she might not reply swiftly, she would "always reply". I said it can't be email therapy but I want her to be part of my life in this limited way because I don't want to lose her forever.

[ScarletPimpernel]

My T says that I can meet her for coffee maybe once a year after we terminate. She said she could never be friends with me

[captgut]

He said it's possible that he'll friend me in a social network after we terminate (I never asked and I'm not sure if I want to add him)
He also said something like "I'll always be here for you"

I doubt I'll ever terminate, but if I did, there would be no contact between us, I'm sure

[Echos Myron redux]

I very much doubt he would be open to it and my boundary on it would be the same. I love the guy but the boundaries are mutual and I know friendship could change the relationship and undo the hard-earned progress I have made thanks to my relationship with him.
I imagine we will have occasional contact but it will always have professional boundaries and that's the only way either of us would have it.

[autonoe]

I voted that I don't know. I would like a friendship, or at least some friendly contact, after I terminate therapy. That time is likely in the distant future, so I haven't mentioned it, but I'm also afraid to discuss it. My T seems like the type who will suggest that I e-mail from time to time, and I don't think I would do that. It would almost feel insulting.

[annielovesbacon]

We've never discussed it. I wouldn't want to be friends with my T, but I don't want her to completely be gone from my life either. I see her at my university clinic, so I stop seeing her when I graduate. I'd love if there were some way she could keep up with me, just in terms of seeing what I'm up to and (hopefully) seeing me succeed after she's spent so much time helping me. Maybe Facebook friends? Of course, that would have to mean she would be comfortable with *me* knowing about *her* life. She's pretty blank slate so that probably won't happen. I guess maybe we'll talk about it when we get closer to termination (three more semesters).

[winterblues17]

It's not something I've ever considered or really talked about. Although we did talk about the end once and she said I would always be welcome to come back like if I needed to, so it doesn't have to be final when we do end.

I'm pretty sure even if I wanted friendship afterwards it wouldn't be possible, I think she would be a great person to be friends with however and I wish I had a friend like her in my life, although I'm not sure I would be a person she would even want as a friend cos I'm not very good at that lol!

[feileacan]

Damn, I lost my reply.

Long story short - my answer is 'other'. I don't expect us to become friends (regardless of his policy) because our relationship does not contain any friend vibes. However, I do expect to keep in contact via occasional emails.

[Myrto]

Why would a therapist want to be friends with former clients is beyond me. Huge red flag. Don't they have friends of their own? It's fine with emailing once in a while but that's not friendship, it's more like an acquaintance. As for whether it's legal or not, I would think the ethical part would be more important than the legal one. But apparently not (at least in the US). In my country friendships with former clients (and of course romantic relationships) are just a big no. Of course nobody is going to check but ethically therapists are not supposed to befriend their former clients. I've read several accounts of people befriending their therapist and in most cases it ends up being extremely disappointing for the client. And yet the topic keeps popping up on this forum.

[junkDNA]

we've never discussed it... we've never even discussed ending therapy

[lucozader]

I would not want to be friends with my T and I would not respect him if he wanted that, at any time during or after my therapy. We've never discussed it but I hope he wouldn't allow it.

I suppose I might want some sort of minimal continuing contact... I don't know. I'm not planning on stopping seeing him anytime soon.

[toomanycats]

Verbatim: "We will never be friends."

Which is a relief to me. That doesn't mean that, if I were to stop therapy, I couldn't come back. But any contact will always be him=therapist, me=client.

[inmydreams]

Nope,never happening with new T .She would never allow it and actually I am not sure I would want it .It would be nice to be able to email an update once in a while though when I finish.I just wonder how you can be friends with someone that you do not really know?

I said other. I never discussed this explicitly with my therapists as I never had an interest in really becoming friends, beyond some passing fantasies. One of them grossly misinterpreted my behavior once (when I emailed him a lot) and told me that he would not engage in any relationship with a client outside our T-client but his own behavior openly contradicted it: he offered me to attend some of his classes and developed a friendship with his own ex-T that he spoke a lot about on his online media. My other T was much wiser in general in the area of boundaries, not making statements that he would never do something. He is one I have maintained a lose email contact with, which involved me writing to him much more than vice versa. But it is not friendship by any means, not even a source of support, more just a one-sided reporting, updating and dumping ground.

I easily understand the desire to become friends with therapists, especially if a client does not have much social/support network or even just source of quality interaction in their lives. Easy to feel that the T is special and one of a kind, it would not be easy to find a similar person in regular life. It is a valid feeling but not really true IMO, especially given that a client rarely gets to know a T well and in a realistic way - probably why the many disappointments when such friendships do develop. I personally would rather use the feelings as realizations of what I like and need in another person and try to find it elsewhere, in genuine, mutual relationships.

[stopdog]

I was friends with the first therapist I ever tried and it was just normal. Nothing horrible happened and it was not a magical experience. It was just normal. It lasted several years until she moved across the country to be near one of her children.

I would not have any reason or desire to become friends with the two I recently saw. I don't particularly like either of them. I am not all that interested in them as people and have no reason to think we would have enough in common for a friendship.

Nah, I wouldn't want friendship. I think that'd be too awkward with my current therapist anyway. Of course we get along well and I like her a lot, but she's got her own life and I've got mine. We're two totally different people anyways. A friendship with her would feel forced and unnatural.

[ElectricManatee]

I don't know if we have ever really talked about this, but I'm sure my therapist would not be open to a friendship after therapy. For her and for me, protecting the work we've done together is paramount, and I could see where normal friendship ups and downs could really undermine the things we have worked through together.

As much as I like my therapist, I am not terribly interested in a friendship either, because I don't want to lose my ability to go back to her as a client when/if other things come up in my life after we've ended regular sessions. (Maybe if she retired I would feel differently, but I can't see her ever going further than semi-retirement unless circumstances dictate it.) There are plenty of people in the world who have the potential to be good friends but far fewer who have the potential to be good therapists for me.

That said, I think my T would be open to something like occasional email updates indefinitely. She knows I stayed in touch with my former T from the end of therapy until her eventual death ten years later. I don't know that my current T would become more chatty and casual like my former T did, but I think on some level she would appreciate maintaining the connection.

[awkwardlyyours]

I don’t think Blondie and I would ever be friends — even leaving aside the issue of therapist ethics and whatnot.

I feel like I just don’t fit in her world in any way — if I wasn’t her client, I doubt she’d have any interest / inclination in noticing me even, let alone becoming friends with me. As it is, even as a therapist, I can sometimes really feel her stretching herself to try to understand me — it would be impossible and take up way too much energy with little reward for her (since I’m pretty sure whatever I could offer her in return isn’t necessarily something she feels is lacking in other relationships in her life).

I think a friendship between any two people — client and therapist included — would make sense if it felt like something that would’ve naturally happened / made sense even if they’d met outside of therapy.

Else, as in my case, it’s so obviously clear that that sort of natural fit just isn’t there and it’s only a therapy context that makes any interaction possible, that trying to force fit a friendship later just wouldn’t work.

[maybeblue]

There would be no way I would be friends with either of my therapists after therapy. With my long term therapist I think I could have been friends with her if we had met under different circumstances, but now she knows too much about me. I think the relationship would always feel unequal. I don't think that I would have enough in common with my ED therapist to make a friendship work, and he knows too much about me too.

I would be open to occasional email contact with my long term therapist after termination, but I would see that more of an extension of the therapeutic relationship than a friendship. I would see it similarly to how I might contact a previous professor to give him/her an update on my career. For me it would be more of a way of letting her know that she made a difference in my life than an actual relationship.

[precaryous]

My T is open to contact after she retires. I don’t know if we will call it friendship or not.

PrevT and I remain in contact but it’s always me initiating the contact. I know a little bit about her life, but she is not much more revealing now than before.

In my mind to call a relationship ‘friendship’ infers the two of us support each other and help each other. It’s more of a two way street. Neither PrevT or Current T has asked me for support or help in any matter. I expect any contact after therapy will continue to be supportive for me but not for them on my part.

[JaneTennison1]

My T knows too much. It's only good because I know she will go away one day and keep all my secrets with her. No I wouldn't want friendship but she's told me before it's always nice when she gets an update down the line.

[salus]

I'm pretty close to my therapist

[healinginprogress]

My T has stated that we can never be friends after therapy. And while the fantasy of a friendship is awesome, I am able to pull myself back in to reality and realize that I probably wouldn't like it because it wouldn't be the same as in the therapy room. However I would like to stay in contact post termination, but that doesn't seem to be in the cards any time soon, so we'll see how that develops.