[jona_free]

Hi all,

I found out recently that my therapist will be retiring in less than 6 months. I've been seeing her for many years and although I knew it was on the cards, it still came as quite a shock.

I've been working through some horrible trauma with her and don't have any friends IRL who I can talk to about it (and it's not for a lack of trying to make friends), so I'm devastated and don't know what I'm supposed to be doing when I can't see her anymore. I've made huge progress over the years and am fairly stable, but I'm not sure how I'll do without being able to speak to her anymore.

She said she won't be allowed to have any contact with me at all after our last session, and I just feel sick in my stomach knowing I'll be sitting here with no one to talk to anymore and alone with my issues, and especially no one who 'gets it'. She did recommend a colleague I could see if I want to, but it wouldn't be the same and I feel I have zero energy to explain my story all over again and start from scratch with someone else. So I feel like in a few months I'll be sitting here in pain with no one to talk to or give me advice, and it's a devastating thought. I also feel like a failure and like I haven't made as much progress as I could have if I'd listened to more of her advice while I had the opportunity to, and now this great opportunity to work through my trauma is coming to and end before I've been able to resolve everything.

I know what I'd recommend to others in this situation: talk to her about it, see another therapist, try to make more friends IRL, look after myself, take a up a new hobby, etc. but everything just seems hopeless right now. I haven't been able to sleep and have just been feeling sick, and I'm not usually someone who becomes rattled easily, but I just don't know what to do.

So I'm not really sure what I'm asking for here, maybe I'm just hoping someone can empathize. Thank you.

[Skeezyks]

This is not an experience I have had. I've only seen a few therapists for brief periods throughout the years. However I just thought I would leave a brief reply letting you know I read your post. I send my best wishes hoping you will be able to find a pathway to deep peace within...

I think this is really rough and I can really relate to your position. My therapist is past retiring age and maintains a very small private practice, but she has made clear to me that she does not keep practicing for financial reasons. I developed an anxiety and unease very early on in the relationship that she will close her practice. I have not yet spoken to her about it.

Something that struck me about your post is that you sound like you are grieving. The prospect of seeing a new therapist at this point no doubt seems overwhelming because you have not grieved for the current relationship - indeed the current relationship is still ongoing. It will hurt. You will also be able to work with something else at a future point and they will hopefully help you attend to your needs as well as your current therapist has done. Take much care

[ruh roh]

Oh man, this is really hard stuff to take. Did she say why she is not allowed to have contact after she retires? Is that her own policy or someone she works for?

[Fuzzybear]

I haven’t had this experience, but I can relate to a long term therapist “leaving” me. I can relate to the hopeless feeling, I’m sorry. I’m not offering any “advice” ... I do empathise though

[starryprince]

Originally Posted by jona_free

Hi all,

I found out recently that my therapist will be retiring in less than 6 months. I've been seeing her for many years and although I knew it was on the cards, it still came as quite a shock.

I've been working through some horrible trauma with her and don't have any friends IRL who I can talk to about it (and it's not for a lack of trying to make friends), so I'm devastated and don't know what I'm supposed to be doing when I can't see her anymore. I've made huge progress over the years and am fairly stable, but I'm not sure how I'll do without being able to speak to her anymore.

She said she won't be allowed to have any contact with me at all after our last session, and I just feel sick in my stomach knowing I'll be sitting here with no one to talk to anymore and alone with my issues, and especially no one who 'gets it'. She did recommend a colleague I could see if I want to, but it wouldn't be the same and I feel I have zero energy to explain my story all over again and start from scratch with someone else. So I feel like in a few months I'll be sitting here in pain with no one to talk to or give me advice, and it's a devastating thought. I also feel like a failure and like I haven't made as much progress as I could have if I'd listened to more of her advice while I had the opportunity to, and now this great opportunity to work through my trauma is coming to and end before I've been able to resolve everything.

I know what I'd recommend to others in this situation: talk to her about it, see another therapist, try to make more friends IRL, look after myself, take a up a new hobby, etc. but everything just seems hopeless right now. I haven't been able to sleep and have just been feeling sick, and I'm not usually someone who becomes rattled easily, but I just don't know what to do.

So I'm not really sure what I'm asking for here, maybe I'm just hoping someone can empathize. Thank you.

Hi there, I'm sorry to hear that you are in this situation! I can relate to this. I was seeing my old therapist for 3 years. She left the center to focus on her own private practice, and she was actually stalling a bit on telling me because she was very sad to end our therapeutic relationship. She even asked what insurance I had to see if her practice accepted it. I grew so much with her, and she was very empathetic. She recommended another therapist who worked in the center to me, but I didn't go see that new therapist because I was also reluctant to tell my whole story over again. I have a therapist now who I thought I'd have a good fit with, since we have similar identities, but it's just not the same.

You said that your therapist gave you advice. Maybe you can put that advice to practice now? It's something to consider. =O

Anyways, I can definitely empathize with you.

[satsuma]

This sounds really tough.

It sounds like therapy has been very helpful for you though. So I do think it would be worth searching for another T. Maybe you can ask her about what kind of therapy you have been doing and what kind of therapist she would recommend, and ask her to support you in searching for a new T, and maybe even you could have some sessions jointly with her and the new T, or start seeing the new T while you are still seeing her so you can talk about how it is going with the new T?

I'm just thinking of making the most of these six months to make sure that when she retires you will have support in place.

[feralkittymom]

Some of the deepest and most affecting work I did with my former T was in the last several weeks before his retirement, which was not planned, but somewhat sudden due to ill health. I think especially in a long term therapy (it was @ 10 yrs) there is the tendency to believe on an emotional level that it will never end. But, of course, that's not realistic. Having an endpoint lent intensity to the work, and that was very beneficial. Making the best use of the months you have remaining will very much help to sustain you going forward. Don't ignore the ending.


After a period of settling, you may decide you want a new experience. I don't think it's necessary at all to start from scratch: you start from where you are, and whatever is important will rise to the surface again. It will be a different experience because it will be a different relationship; that doesn't mean it can't be productive and rewarding.

[jona_free]

Originally Posted by ruh roh

Oh man, this is really hard stuff to take. Did she say why she is not allowed to have contact after she retires? Is that her own policy or someone she works for?

Something to do with her registration status and her professional association's requirements. She said she wasn't exactly happy about it, but the rules are the rules.

[jona_free]

Thanks for all your replies, that helps a little and I appreciate it. I cried so much earlier today, I almost threw up. (Sorry, TMI!) I always thought if she ever retires, I'd be perfectly ok, so I have no idea what's come over me. I'm not usually like that at all. Sigh.

Having said that, I guess I feel like I'll revert back to how I'd been for most of my life, all alone with no one to talk to or relate to, and quite frankly it sucks. It was so helpful to have someone to relate to and be able to talk about past trauma with someone who gets it, which has been so helpful, so it's just so sad that it'll have to stop soon.

[ElectricManatee]

I found my new T several years after I had to end things prematurely with my beloved former T. Even though new T was skilled and helpful, I was 100% sure that I could never bond with her the way I had with former T. Several years later, I would say that the relationship with new T is indeed different but in many ways it is actually stronger and closer than my relationship with old T. So you never know...

I do hope you use the time you have left to have the best ending possible. I know this is very hard and the best thing you can do is take care of yourself and be gentle toward whatever you're feeling.

[jona_free]

Thank you for your input. Yes, finding a new therapist sounds like the logical thing to do. It just sounds so hard at this point. Good to hear that it can work though.

Originally Posted by ElectricManatee

I found my new T several years after I had to end things prematurely with my beloved former T. Even though new T was skilled and helpful, I was 100% sure that I could never bond with her the way I had with former T. Several years later, I would say that the relationship with new T is indeed different but in many ways it is actually stronger and closer than my relationship with old T. So you never know...

I do hope you use the time you have left to have the best ending possible. I know this is very hard and the best thing you can do is take care of yourself and be gentle toward whatever you're feeling.

[downandlonely]

I'm sorry you're losing your T, but I hope you can find another one who you can form a good relationship with.

Eeeek.
I've been worn my T a long time. She's in private practice. We've galeff about retirement. She said that she doesn't think "we" will end even whrn the therapy does. She's aware of therapist that have clients they've known a long time still in contact.
That was reassuring for me. I'd hate it if she was so tied to "rules"