When therapists cry

Out There · Jun 01, 2018 at 12:23 AM

Has your T ever cried and how did you feel about it ? Would you like your T to cry ? Do you think the therapist crying might be transformative or would it make you want to leave therapy ? All thoughts welcome.

stopdog · Jun 01, 2018 at 12:30 AM

as far as I know no therapist ever cried while I was there at an appointment. I have no idea why they would cry - I never cried. I wouldn't like it if they did. I expect the therapist to be able to suck it up for the 50 minute time I was sitting there. Also nothing about me was cry worthy.

captgut · Jun 01, 2018 at 12:54 AM

He never cried. I think I wish he would tear up one day. But I'm not sure. He's very sad while I'm talking, and it's painful to see him like that. I'm sure seeing him crying would be even more painful. But also touching, for sure.

Ididitmyway · Jun 01, 2018 at 01:25 AM

My last therapist teared up often while listening to me, even when I was not emotional about my own story. I guess, I was impressed to see him feeling so strongly for me and a part of me appreciated it. The other part, however, felt that his tears had more to do with his own emotional material that got triggered by my story as opposed to his empathizing with my experiences. So, I felt ambivalent about his tears.

Another time it happened when my husband and I saw a marriage counselor. Something we said touched her so much that she cried full force in front of us. Again, I appreciated her sensitivity but I also felt uncomfortable. I just didn't know what to do with that outburst of emotions. I didn't like to see a therapist in front of me who was clearly not capable of attending to my and my husband's experience because she was immersed in her own.

So, no, I am not a fan of therapists crying in session.

Jun 01, 2018 at 01:31 AM

It's happened once.
I felt many things when it did.
It's, not something I strongly desire to happen again.
I'm a "let's, just get on with it" type of person.
Same with people offering hugs and huns. And lots of "I felt Sooooooo bad" don't do long sooooos either.
Just talk.

Amyjay · Jun 01, 2018 at 03:26 AM

My ex T got watery eyes two times that I knew of. Both times we were talking about childhood sa. T was just quiet and said "I'm sorry that happened to you." The moments passed, no harm done.

Current T got tears in her eyes one time. I can't remember what it was about but she looked really sad.

All of the times it happened we were talking about very sad abuse things but with no affect and in all three times I think the Ts were reacting to that more than anything.

I would really not like for any T of mine to properly cry. I don't mind if thy get tears in their eyes for a brief moment. I can cope with that. But anything more than that would feel grossly inappropriate to me.

junkDNA · Jun 01, 2018 at 05:25 AM

I've never seen my t full on cry

I've seen him wipe his eyes sometimes and look on the verge of tears

but usually in those moments I try NOT to look at him and focus my gaze into the floor. or just close my eyes

nottrustin · Jun 01, 2018 at 07:17 AM

T has never actually cried but I suspected, at times, she felt emotional and on the verge of tears. Her voice would change but she held it together. A few months ago when discussing crying she asked if I ever thought she cried when in appointment with me. I told her my suspicion. She said that yes at time she has started to cry and held it back.

coolibrarian · Jun 01, 2018 at 08:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Out There

Has your T ever cried and how did you feel about it ? Would you like your T to cry ? Do you think the therapist crying might be transformative or would it make you want to leave therapy ? All thoughts welcome.

My therapist cried when I read her a poem I wrote for her. I found it very meaningful, and not at all a reason to leave therapy.

Chummy2 · Jun 01, 2018 at 08:55 AM

I've never seen a T cry. Would I want that? It would be nice to see some emotion from her. Just some kind of prove that she cares. But they have so many clients. It's work for them. They have to do a certain amount of clients every day. They don't have time to really care. And they also learn to distance themselves. Of course there are exeptions.
I wish T2 would offer me a hug after a difficult session in which I cried my eyes out. I've said that. But I guess she doesn't want to give hugs. I wonder if she has done it with other clients.

Jun 01, 2018 at 10:38 AM

My therapists never cried or visibly teared up in my sessions. I would not like it and would have found it odd as I never cried myself. But even if I did, I would not like a T (or anyone I am seeing for professional services) cry during an appointment. My first T says on his social media that he sometimes cries with clients and he believes it to be natural. I would not feel natural for me.

healinginprogress · Jun 01, 2018 at 10:40 AM

Teary eyed, yes, she's been there. No full on crying. I don't think that would sit well with me. It would put me in a carer mode which is what I'm trying to stop doing as a goal in therapy!

circlesincircles · Jun 01, 2018 at 10:56 AM

Mine has teared up on maybe half a dozen occasions. She did say once that she gets teary when overtired, so I didn't think too much about that time. The first time I remember feeling a little more unfrozen in my own feelings. Seeing hers let me access mine.

noneedtoknow · Jun 01, 2018 at 12:27 PM

T cried once but was very responsible telling me about how it happens for him sometimes although he tries to not cry because he doesn't want to take the focus off of me or make me feel like I was suppose to take care of him. Talked about how it is part of the humanistic approach. He then brought it up the next time we met to check in with me. He was very responsible. I had told him I was sorry about his dad (who was a high functioning alcoholic) and it just hit him in the feels apparently. Clearly his issue. Initially I was fine. Later I got weirded out by it though. And told him so. Maybe that's why he's scaled back on his level of sharing. Kinda sad, It always seemed silly to me-therapy is not done in a vacuum. There is two people in there, and it effects BOTH people. How can it not???/ It's kinda ******** that we pretend it doesn't or it's "not therapeutic" Sorry-I digress-my issue.

weaverbeaver · Jun 01, 2018 at 01:15 PM

Two of my ts cried. First one cried because I was so upset. I was having to leave her and find a new therapist, I was crying so hard and then t started. It was the little girl in me crying and the mother in her wanting to soothe those tears but nothing she did could stop them!
My current t does cry occasionally when she is talking about her own sadness. It really upsets me when t cried because I know I can’t be there for her outside of session and I am supposed to just go away after session and not think about her till the following week!

musinglizzy · Jun 01, 2018 at 01:24 PM

I've been seeing my T for four years. She has never cried. But this past week, I felt some emotion from her, saw it actually. She was gone for like 20 days, on vacation on the other side of the world. I ended up in the intensive care unit at a local hospital a couple of weeks ago, while she was gone, and they told my husband I was lucky to be alive. My husband actually called my T, twice, leaving her frantic messages that I was in the hospital. She got pretty worked up knowing this, and was a bit emotional upon seeing me last week for the first time since this all happened.

I would like it if a T cried. To me, it would show they are human, and actually CARE, more than just being an authority figure sitting there listening to us because that's what they're paid to do.

nottrustin · Jun 01, 2018 at 01:52 PM

I am very torn as to whether I want T to cry or not. On the one hand it feels good to know that she cares. I have mentioned in the past that I don't feel like just another client or that I am just her job. When she mentioned that she has at times cried in our session the reason she holds it back is one time years ago told her about her terminally ill child and she couldn't hold back the tears. The client never went to another session because she felt she had to protect T. T was devastated. She will never forget that. I hate when people cry because I know they are hurt and try to fix it. If T were to really cry I suspect I would have the same reaction.

SarahSweden · Jun 02, 2018 at 08:52 AM

Interesting topic. My T has never cried in session, once I could see in her face that she was moved by what I told her and that made me feel a warmth towards her.

In a way I want my T to cry in session, I now mean on rare occasions, not often. If something has happened in her life and she´s sad about it and she can´t help crying, I wouldn´t mind. I wouldn´t want her to "spill it all out" about what had happened but if she had someone relative passing or something I would just find it natural that she fell into tears.

If she began to cry over something I told her, I would just find it very authentic and genuine and I would feel it as an intense and transformative moment in therapy.

As long as the therapist can handle the crying I don´t mind it at all. By handling it I mean the crying doesn´t occur often nor that the T begins to tell a lot about herself or what happened. That she just said for example "yes, something sad has happened in my family and I got reminded of that".

Quote:

Originally Posted by Out There

Has your T ever cried and how did you feel about it ? Would you like your T to cry ? Do you think the therapist crying might be transformative or would it make you want to leave therapy ? All thoughts welcome.

ruh roh · Jun 02, 2018 at 09:07 AM

No. Mine doesn't cry or show very much emotion at all. It's a very disconnected experience at times.

Tbhimscared · Jun 02, 2018 at 09:52 AM

My T has never cried but she has sighed heavily or avoided my eye contact when she was asking questions about SUI, or I would say something and she would pause for a couple of minutes and start talking again. I think she may have cried in those moments but was able to hold it in, or maybe she was just thinking

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Out There Legendary Member Since Oct 2015 Location: England Posts: 11,355 (SuperPoster!) 8 14.6k hugs given	Jun 01, 2018 at 12:23 AM #1 Has your T ever cried and how did you feel about it ? Would you like your T to cry ? Do you think the therapist crying might be transformative or would it make you want to leave therapy ? All thoughts welcome. __________________ "Trauma happens - so does healing "
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captgut Grand Poohbah Member Since Jan 2017 Location: Here Posts: 1,731 7 1,505 hugs given	Jun 01, 2018 at 12:54 AM #3 He never cried. I think I wish he would tear up one day. But I'm not sure. He's very sad while I'm talking, and it's painful to see him like that. I'm sure seeing him crying would be even more painful. But also touching, for sure.
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Anonymous59090 Guest Posts: n/a	Jun 01, 2018 at 01:31 AM #5 It's happened once. I felt many things when it did. It's, not something I strongly desire to happen again. I'm a "let's, just get on with it" type of person. Same with people offering hugs and huns. And lots of "I felt Sooooooo bad" don't do long sooooos either. Just talk.
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junkDNA Comfy Sedation Member Since Sep 2012 Location: the woods Posts: 19,303 (SuperPoster!) 11 8,151 hugs given	Jun 01, 2018 at 05:25 AM #7 I've never seen my t full on cry I've seen him wipe his eyes sometimes and look on the verge of tears but usually in those moments I try NOT to look at him and focus my gaze into the floor. or just close my eyes __________________
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nottrustin Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2014 Location: n/a Posts: 4,819 10 375 hugs given	Jun 01, 2018 at 07:17 AM #8 T has never actually cried but I suspected, at times, she felt emotional and on the verge of tears. Her voice would change but she held it together. A few months ago when discussing crying she asked if I ever thought she cried when in appointment with me. I told her my suspicion. She said that yes at time she has started to cry and held it back. __________________
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healinginprogress Member Member Since Jul 2017 Location: USA Posts: 394 6 69 hugs given	Jun 01, 2018 at 10:40 AM #12 Teary eyed, yes, she's been there. No full on crying. I don't think that would sit well with me. It would put me in a carer mode which is what I'm trying to stop doing as a goal in therapy! __________________ Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
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circlesincircles Member Member Since May 2018 Location: United States Posts: 303 6	Jun 01, 2018 at 10:56 AM #13 Mine has teared up on maybe half a dozen occasions. She did say once that she gets teary when overtired, so I didn't think too much about that time. The first time I remember feeling a little more unfrozen in my own feelings. Seeing hers let me access mine.
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ruh roh Run of the Mill Snowflake Member Since May 2015 Location: here and there Posts: 4,468 9 5,077 hugs given	Jun 02, 2018 at 09:07 AM #19 No. Mine doesn't cry or show very much emotion at all. It's a very disconnected experience at times.
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Tbhimscared Member Member Since Mar 2017 Location: USA Posts: 273 7 60 hugs given	Jun 02, 2018 at 09:52 AM #20 My T has never cried but she has sighed heavily or avoided my eye contact when she was asking questions about SUI, or I would say something and she would pause for a couple of minutes and start talking again. I think she may have cried in those moments but was able to hold it in, or maybe she was just thinking
	Reply With Quote