[Fuzzybear]

I don’t care what you think of me. I wish I had said this to a certain T and felt this about that T. If I’d gone into therapy using the therapy as a business arrangement, and nothing else, the outcome would likely have been more positive for me.

If this therapist at any point attempted to take on any sort of reparenting role, he was exactly the wrong person to attempt that job.

There was no unconditional positive regard. As, of course, in the family of origin.

Thanks a bunch, T

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I don’t care what you think of me. I wish I had said this to a certain T and felt this about that T. If I’d gone into therapy using the therapy as a business arrangement, and nothing else, the outcome would likely have been more positive for me.

If this therapist at any point attempted to take on any sort of reparenting role, he was exactly the wrong person to attempt that job.

There was no unconditional positive regard. As, of course, in the family of origin.

Thanks a bunch, T

I do agree that having more business-like expectations for therapy in general can be kind of helpful. I wish I had done this more in the past. I have made the same kind of mistake...and I feel that this is a pattern for me as well. I sort of "throw myself" into situations, at people, past-times and everything. For me it's one of the hallmarks of my family background.

Managing expectations of the therapy process is so critical, and so difficult for me to do.

Hugs to you Fuzzy!

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by mcl6136

I do agree that having more business-like expectations for therapy in general can be kind of helpful. I wish I had done this more in the past. I have made the same kind of mistake...and I feel that this is a pattern for me as well. I sort of "throw myself" into situations, at people, past-times and everything. For me it's one of the hallmarks of my family background.

Managing expectations of the therapy process is so critical, and so difficult for me to do.

Hugs to you Fuzzy!

Thank you, I’m sending hugs back to you

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Yeah, thanks a lot, Fuzzy's T

I'm sorry he made things worse instead of better

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue

Yeah, thanks a lot, Fuzzy's T

I'm sorry he made things worse instead of better

Purple

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

If I’d gone into therapy using the therapy as a business arrangement, and nothing else, the outcome would likely have been more positive for me.

This is an important observation. The patient is the customer; the therapist (or doctor) is a service provider.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Rohag

This is an important observation. The patient is the customer; the therapist (or doctor) is a service provider.

[BudFox]

I'm not clear what people mean when they refer to therapy as a business relationship.

I found that it wasn't business-like at all. There was no professional service being dispensed. I was paying for a bizarre form of intimacy. It was no more business-like than seeing a prostitute or confessing to a priest.

[Fuzzybear]

I’m not completely clear on what people mean when they refer to therapy as a business relationship either.

There is a form of intimacy in long term therapy.. it was described to me as

- when we .....

It doesn’t matter, I don’t think I’ll share that.

Originally Posted by BudFox

I'm not clear what people mean when they refer to therapy as a business relationship.

I found that it wasn't business-like at all. There was no professional service being dispensed. I was paying for a bizarre form of intimacy. It was no more business-like than seeing a prostitute or confessing to a priest.

I completely agree with those that say it's best to view therapy as a business transaction in which the client pays for professional services. It is not incompatible with having respectful, even friendly interactions at all, IMO. I don't see intimacy in therapy, to me intimacy is not merely talking about my personal things and not possible unless mutual and balanced - for me, therapy does not involve that.

I've just recently worked with a lawyer that I hired for a specific purpose and he has been very knowledgeable, polite, highly competent and responsive throughout the process, and we reached the goal in the end. He was also a nice person to talk to, did not present himself as an authority at all, just answered my questions and provided guidance based on his expertise. Our interactions were about the area of why I hired him and while I did have thoughts and even urges to expand it at times as I liked him a lot, I never attempted it. Would have been a pity to contaminate such a good professional collaboration.

I kept thinking that I would have liked a therapist to be similar and have a similar work style and ethic to that lawyer, then my therapy would have been so much more effective and worth the money and energy.If for nothing else, because I would have maintained respect for their responsible, competent, goal-oriented attitude. It was also a more effective interpersonal combo than with any of my therapists.

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by Xynesthesia

I completely agree with those that say it's best to view therapy as a business transaction in which the client pays for professional services. It is not incompatible with having respectful, even friendly interactions at all, IMO. I don't see intimacy in therapy, to me intimacy is not merely talking about my personal things and not possible unless mutual and balanced - for me, therapy does not involve that.

What exactly is the professional service?

I found therapy intimate in the extreme -- the sharing of deeply personal things, the seclusion, the focus on feelings. Totally unbalanced and unhealthy but was intimate nonetheless.

To me things get really weird when this kind of intimacy is put in context of a business relationship. It's this sort of mixed messaging that seems to really really mess with people's heads. Therapists say... you can trust me with your deepest secrets... but don't forget it's all business.

[koru_kiwi]

Originally Posted by Xynesthesia

I've just recently worked with a lawyer that I hired for a specific purpose and he has been very knowledgeable, polite, highly competent and responsive throughout the process, and we reached the goal in the end.

I kept thinking that I would have liked a therapist to be similar and have a similar work style and ethic to that lawyer, then my therapy would have been so much more effective and worth the money and energy.If for nothing else, because I would have maintained respect for their responsible, competent, goal-oriented attitude. It was also a more effective interpersonal combo than with any of my therapists.

being clueless and ignorant when i first started therapy, your description of the working relationship with your lawyer is exactly what i was expecting therapy to be like, since, after all it is a business and i am hiring the therapist's expertise to help me reach my goals.

gee...do i ever feel boondoggled!

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by koru_kiwi

being clueless and ignorant when i first started therapy, your description of the working relationship with your lawyer is exactly what i was expecting therapy to be like, since, after all it is a business and i am hiring the therapist's expertise to help me reach my goals.

gee...do i ever feel boondoggled!

[SalingerEsme]

Originally Posted by mcl6136

I do agree that having more business-like expectations for therapy in general can be kind of helpful. I wish I had done this more in the past.

Managing expectations of the therapy process is so critical, and so difficult for me to do.

This strike me as wise and useful. Will you say more about managing expectations of therapy- like what is fair and reasonable to expect from a therapist?