[CantExplain]

Is it really necessary to break a patient's heart?

I'm not sure if I understand the context of the question. Could you explain further?

6months ago I would have said that sounds a bit dramatic.... how things change

[Fernwehxx]

I am not sure what you are really asking, but the philosopher in my chose seldom... because sometimes we feel like our heart is breaking, but it's what we may need to realize how to move on.

I do not think this means my T intends to hurt be, but that she knows I will be hurt by something that cannot be changed (thinking transference and intense attachment here)....

this is the only reason why I did not choose never.

[atisketatasket]

Never. But they seem to do it anyway.

(And I’m not talking about broken hearts caused solely by transference or attachment. I’m talking about broken hearts caused by therapist screw-ups.)

[stopdog]

I never let the therapist near my heart. I never thought a therapist would be trustworthy.

I would love to hear the answers to this. I am still caught in the 'i will always be there for you' trap, still after 7 years. Its like throwing someone a lifeline and just when they really need it, snatching it back and saying 'uh uh Boundaries!'

[toomanycats]

I need a plain old "Sometimes" option.

[unaluna]

Its already been broken, otherwise we wouldnt seek out a t. To heal requires a witness. No man is an island.

Idk the context. But as someone that hasn’t had heartbreak and would rather never experience i’m gonna say no. Also weird, that I told my therapist I didn’t want my heart to get broken and love wasn’t worth the risk. Then she said something like maybe it has to be someone who’s worth the heartbreak... I think I just responded with something snarky and changed the subject though

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Its already been broken, otherwise we wouldnt seek out a t. To heal requires a witness. No man is an island.

That's not why I sought out a therapist. I never went to therapy to deal with the therapist. The therapist was useless in most things except to sit there while I vented about my sick person. Heart never entered into it. And I don't know how, for me, it ever would have. Therapy was I paid a stranger to sit there.

I think the therapists have no idea of the ease with which they can break a client's heart. If they did, surely they would have more of a moral struggle with the risk they undertake in doing their job.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by scaredandconfused

I'm not sure if I understand the context of the question. Could you explain further?

Has a therapist ever broken your heart?

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Has a therapist ever broken your heart?

Nope! But I've never struggled with attachment to professionals either, it's something that is hard for me to understand.

[TishaBuv]

Sometimes, I think, the T enjoys breaking your heart. “You never would have been happy with anyone.” Was what this recent last one said to me. So I’ve been ruminating on that...hello...I have OCD! I didn’t see her again. Did she do me a favor breaking my heart like that? Maybe she told me the simple truth. I am condemned.

[here today]

Interesting question. The therapist breaking my dream that therapy could "fix" me allowed me to see eventually that I had been broken and kicked to the side years ago.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Its already been broken, otherwise we wouldnt seek out a t. To heal requires a witness. No man is an island.

As far as I know there is no limitation on the number of times a heart can broken. Someone shows up with a broken heart, it can still be broken again, by anyone...and if they saw the therapist because of the broken heart, and then the therapist breaks it themselves, that’s even worse.

[pepper_mint]

I would say that sometimes it has to be broken to be fixed properly.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by pepper_mint

I would say that sometimes it has to be broken to be fixed properly.

This is the best excuse, certainly. You arrive with a bent heart, have it broken and repaired, and leave with a straight one.

But if that is the case, therapists should warn you upfront that's what they are going to do.

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by pepper_mint

I would say that sometimes it has to be broken to be fixed properly.

So much for first do no harm.

To me most of the emotional manipulations of therapy are pure sadism, disguised as healing.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

This is the best excuse, certainly. You arrive with a bent heart, have it broken and repaired, and leave with a straight one.

But if that is the case, therapists should warn you upfront that's what they are going to do.

It hasn't been part of my experience to have my heart broken. I would have not listened to some general speech by any of my therapists about what has or could happen to some people in therapy, I would say I'm not paying to listen to you give warnings. I believe I can decide for myself when therapy is so harmful that I have to leave, I don't need or want warnings.

[pepper_mint]

Originally Posted by BudFox

So much for first do no harm.
To me most of the emotional manipulations of therapy are pure sadism, disguised as healing.

Ok, but when you break your arm and it's not immobilized then it might not be fixed properly and after some time doctors have to break it again to repair everything - it's painful for a while but has to be done (unless you want to live in pain for the rest of your life ).

Generally, the psychodynamic approach assumes that for people who had a bad childhood (for example, didn't get what they should from parents) it's important to feel all emotions again and then to understand this. It's also common that relationship with a therapist may evoke some difficult emotions and thoughts. But it's always caused by something (past experience) and that's what therapy is for - to work through these things.

There is no doubt that it's painful and can even knock out someone for some time. But well... for me it's still worth doing.

I've been told at the beginning that therapy is not a candy store. It's hard work, it can be worse sometimes but at the end, it leads to a (good) change.

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by pepper_mint

Generally, the psychodynamic approach assumes that for people who had a bad childhood (for example, didn't get what they should from parents) it's important to feel all emotions again and then to understand this. It's also common that relationship with a therapist may evoke some difficult emotions and thoughts. But it's always caused by something (past experience) and that's what therapy is for - to work through these things.

The difficulties I experienced in therapy were brought about by therapy. Sure past experiences were coloring everything, but only in a distinctly secondary way. Therapy itself is clearly a powerful generator of misery and even trauma. Therapists aggressively push the transference concept as a blanket means for evading accountability for the client's increasing distress.

Originally Posted by pepper_mint

I've been told at the beginning that therapy is not a candy store. It's hard work, it can be worse sometimes but at the end, it leads to a (good) change.

I found it to be a complete fraud and full of dysfunction, hyper-idealized notions, wishful thinking, vague promises, pseudoscience, and culty rituals. It was not work. If this experience also results in heartbreak, and the therapist pushes the client to view this as a benefit, then we're into emotional abuse and gaslighting territory.

[pepper_mint]

BudFox, ok.
If you feel that something wrong going on, it might mean that you have really bad T, or this method is just not for you.

People can choose if they prefer analytic, psychodynamic or maybe more cognitive approach. They can also choose pharmacotherapy.
I can say for myself that I know that therapy hurts, but I also know that then things can get better. And I want to take a risk because I trust my T and I know that everything she does is for a good reason. I know mechanisms for some issues and I know that it's not always easy to resolve this.

My T is super caring, she's the "good person", she likes to help, she has really strong boundaries and generally I'm really happy that I have her (It's really important relationship in my life). For a year a realized a lot of things, I could change a bit, move on with my life etc. But still, it's only beginning of my journey.
Nevertheless, sometimes I feel really bad (physically and emotionally) and the whole process hurts.

But there are many different therapists with different approaches, there are many different clients with many different problems.
So maybe it's difficult to answer the main question, because as always "it depends".

Originally Posted by BudFox

hinking, vague promises, pseudoscience, and culty rituals. It was not work. If this experience also results in heartbreak, and the therapist pushes the client to view this as a benefit, then we're into emotional abuse and gaslighting territory.

Ok, but what if I repressed emotion a long time ago, can't feel even this "heartbreak", can't be sad or angry - and instead, I feel weakness all the time, anxiety and have headaches. For me, it's really healing to finally feel this (even it's painful), process and discuss. And to see that life is not easy, there will be heartbreaks but I don't have to run form this, I can feel it and it doesn't kill me. What's more, when I feel this - my other symptoms disappear.

I don't see how it could ever be necessary to break someone's heart. Isn't a broken heart the reason why most people seek counseling to begin with?