[starfishing]

Trying to figure out what to do with a somewhat odd situation. The backstory is that I saw a therapist last year for a couple of sessions who was completely awful--pushed way too hard in an aggressive and entitled way for irrelevant information I didn't want to give, said some inappropriately nasty/insulting things to me about how I came across, and tried to commit an ethical/legal breach in recordkeeping.

A friend of mine is a musician who's playing an exciting new gig this week, and invited me to come hear her play. Great! Except I just realized that one of the other musicians on the bill is none other than the wife of the horrible therapist I saw last year. It's extremely unlikely that Horrible Therapist won't be there to see her wife play. And the venue is very small/intimate and relatively well-lit, so we will definitely see one another if Horrible Therapist and I are both in the audience.

Really not sure what I'm going to do. My friend won't mind at all if I can't make it, but I really want to go to this performance and I hate the idea of letting Horrible Therapist keep me from supporting my friend and hearing her play at this venue. At the same time, just thinking about seeing Horrible Therapist makes me furious and seeing her there might make it hard to enjoy myself. And given her history of bad boundaries and unethical/illegal behavior I wouldn't be shocked if she did something messed up like trying to talk to me. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh.

[Ididitmyway]

You said your friend wouldn't mind at all if you can't make it, so it doesn't sound like your friend needs your support that much. So, let's just keep it honest. It's not about your desire to support your friend as it's about your desire to hear her performance, which is totally understandable and valid.

So, this essentially comes down to deciding if hearing her performance is worth taking a risk of having an unpleasant encounter with your former Horrible Therapist. Now, the question is are you really going to be enjoying your friend's performance if you know your former therapist is going to be there, which means you won't be able to relax at all? Because, you know, if you are worried about something and you are unable to relax, there is no chance you can enjoy anything.

[HowDoYouFeelMeow?]

I'm in a grumpy mood right now, so my current thought would be to go and say "Oh! I didn't know they allowed incompetent jerk bast**ds in the building" when encountering the incompetent b.

i saw go if you think you will enjoy it, amd to hell with someone who is not worth your time or emergy. dont give him the power to take away things you want to do.

[SalingerEsme]

I say go, and try to act like T isn't even there, secure in the knowledge that is your perfect, appropriate right as a patient. Maybe T will reflect on her inability to make it work with you.

[elisewin]

Go and be amazing and enjoy and let the horrible T be horrible.

[Out There]

I'd say go and not let horrible therapist spoil your enjoyment - sometimes we imagine things will be worse than they are , you won't need to interact with this T.

[starfishing]

Originally Posted by Ididitmyway

You said your friend wouldn't mind at all if you can't make it, so it doesn't sound like your friend needs your support that much. So, let's just keep it honest. It's not about your desire to support your friend as it's about your desire to hear her performance, which is totally understandable and valid.

So, this essentially comes down to deciding if hearing her performance is worth taking a risk of having an unpleasant encounter with your former Horrible Therapist. Now, the question is are you really going to be enjoying your friend's performance if you know your former therapist is going to be there, which means you won't be able to relax at all? Because, you know, if you are worried about something and you are unable to relax, there is no chance you can enjoy anything.

Well, it's not dishonest to say that it's about both my legitimate desire to hear and enjoy the performance and my legitimate desire to support my friend. My friend who's performing is a reasonable person who has multiple sources of support, so if I tell her I can't make it she will be disappointed but completely understanding. But if I'm there she will notice and appreciate and value my presence, and it will likely be significant to her.

The friendship and support piece does feel very relevant even though my presence obviously isn't a complete necessity, since if this were just some random concert I didn't feel personally tied to or a performance by a distant acquaintance I'd likely never bother going, given that it means definitely seeing this complete nightmare of a person.

[starfishing]

Originally Posted by HowDoYouFeelMeow?

I'm in a grumpy mood right now, so my current thought would be to go and say "Oh! I didn't know they allowed incompetent jerk bast**ds in the building" when encountering the incompetent b.

Oh, THAT would be amazing! If only.

[88Butterfly88]

Legally at least in the US therapists usually don't approach clients in public unless the client approaches them first due to confidentiality. Given the record-keeping breach I'm not sure how much she values confidentiality but she technically should. Also, depending on how things ended with you two, she may not want to talk to you anyway, to no fault of your own.

[LonesomeTonight]

Do you know when each act will perform? Maybe you could try to get there just for your friend's act, then leave? Also, could you take a friend with you to help distract you from the ex-T?

[starfishing]

Originally Posted by 88Butterfly88

Legally at least in the US therapists usually don't approach clients in public unless the client approaches them first due to confidentiality. Given the record-keeping breach I'm not sure how much she values confidentiality but she technically should. Also, depending on how things ended with you two, she may not want to talk to you anyway, to no fault of your own.

It's true, and I don't think I'd be worried about it at all if she hadn't demonstrated such a disregard for ethics and legalities in the past.

But given that she both tried to illegally release confidential records without my consent to someone I work with, and tried to refuse to release records that I was legally entitled to, I'm not all that confident about it.

She also had bad enough boundaries to randomly contact me after I made it very clear we were finished, and in voicemail and email called me "mean," said I had been "combative," and that she'd disliked working with me, so...

[starfishing]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Do you know when each act will perform? Maybe you could try to get there just for your friend's act, then leave? Also, could you take a friend with you to help distract you from the ex-T?

If only! Unfortunately it's not that type of situation, and would be seen as spectacularly rude to leave midway even if that were possible. Plus Dr. Nightmare will be there the whole time for sure. But I'm definitely not going alone no matter what, so that is at least taken care of.

[Ididitmyway]

Originally Posted by starfishing

Well, it's not dishonest to say that it's about both my legitimate desire to hear and enjoy the performance and my legitimate desire to support my friend. My friend who's performing is a reasonable person who has multiple sources of support, so if I tell her I can't make it she will be disappointed but completely understanding. But if I'm there she will notice and appreciate and value my presence, and it will likely be significant to her.

The friendship and support piece does feel very relevant even though my presence obviously isn't a complete necessity, since if this were just some random concert I didn't feel personally tied to or a performance by a distant acquaintance I'd likely never bother going, given that it means definitely seeing this complete nightmare of a person.

Got it. Sorry if I misunderstood the support piece. The way it was written it sounded to me like it wasn't very important to your friend. I guess, I misread it. It still doesn't change my point about being able to enjoy the performance if the former T is there.

[mcl6136]

Getting through this infuriating and awkward situation is going to be empowering. Cowering at home will not be. Do not let this idiotic person's existence on planet earth dictate any move you make.

That's my emphatic $.02 --sorry if I sound strident but I live in a tiny town and I constantly run into people that I'd put on a spectrum, going from "delighted to see you" to "I'd rather not stop and chat" to "I wish you would sink into the depths of a volcano."

I make it my policy not to let their possible presence dictate my path. It's a simple policy ..and not easy to implement.

[Flinders40]

What are the chances of that? You must live in a small city. Lol.

[maybeblue]

Originally Posted by starfishing

It's true, and I don't think I'd be worried about it at all if she hadn't demonstrated such a disregard for ethics and legalities in the past.

But given that she both tried to illegally release confidential records without my consent to someone I work with, and tried to refuse to release records that I was legally entitled to, I'm not all that confident about it.

She also had bad enough boundaries to randomly contact me after I made it very clear we were finished, and in voicemail and email called me "mean," said I had been "combative," and that she'd disliked working with me, so...

I say go, ignore her, and if she actually does do something stupid like approach you, then make a complaint to the ethics board. Breach of confidentiality is something they tend to take seriously. Just make sure that you let her approach you, otherwise she might try to accuse you of stalking her or something.

If you would love to go if that old therapist was not there, then I'd suggest consider going even if she is. Maybe you won't even spot her. Or if you do, do your best to move to a spot where you can't see her that easily, and then do your best to focus on what you want to focus on. The music.

I doubt that therapist will come up to you. If she does, just tell her you are not interested in talking to her anymore. She should get the message.

I once went to a therapist that eventually "fired" me as a patient. Long story. She believed I was an alcoholic, but it turns out that I'm not. One day I was in a local pub having lunch with a beer. One beer. She walked past unexpectedly and gave me a nasty look. It was a bit uncomfortable at first, and I considered quickly paying and leaving asap. Then I said to myself, "Self, enjoy that beer. She can't do anything. She doesn't know me or my situation. She's nothing to me anymore."

[TishaBuv]

Have a laugh imagining doing this:

Then go and hold your head high.

[SalingerEsme]

Originally Posted by starfishing

She also had bad enough boundaries to randomly contact me after I made it very clear we were finished, and in voicemail and email called me "mean," said I had been "combative," and that she'd disliked working with me, so...

You should complain to the board, even for the sake of others. That is crazy behavior for a T