[seeker33]

I'm overweight and I'm working on this in therapy. I don't binge and I've never suffered from anorexia or bulimia. However I've been dieting and "eating healthy" since age 6 (at that age I was forced by parents).
My primary reason for therapy is trauma but I tried to talk about my issues with emotional eating and struggles with nutrition from the psychological perspective.

I was and still am so triggered and feel so ashamed when she wants only to talk about specific food and begins giving me tips and tricks about losing weight! We had a serious rupture about this. It seems she's absolutely not experienced with this kind of problem.

Does anyone have similar experience? How can I begin to talk about the real issues?

[Salmon77]

I'm sorry to hear your T is trying to give you diet tips, that sounds really obnoxious to me. I think you'd be right to just shut her down, tell her that she's not being helpful when she does this and it's not what you want to talk about. You say you had a rupture about it. Have you explained to her why what she's doing isn't helpful? If so how did she respond?

[downandlonely]

Have you tried finding a support group for people who overeat? I know you say you don't binge or have anorexia or bulimia, but emotional eating is a type of eating disorder. Maybe you need a therapist who knows more about that kind of thing.

[junkDNA]

when my t encourages me to exercise I get triggered and twist it in my mind to him saying that I'm fat. I avoid talking about food and my eating disorder with him cuz he gets frustrated with me.

[ElectricManatee]

I don't have an eating disorder, but I have needed to talk about eating and body issues because of a medical condition. My T specializes in treating both eating disorders and trauma, and I find it refreshing that she focuses on the feelings and the meaning rather than on eating per se. Body stuff is so difficult and often treated so callously and unkindly in the world that it's helpful to have a T who isn't quick to make value judgments or shift to talking about what to eat or how to change your life.

[Anne2.0]

I have found therapy can be a great place to learn how to communicate wants and needs clearly. Sometimes it has been surprising to me how much you have to spell out something in real life and in therapy. Ts can't read your mind or know what works for you unless you tell them. It may or may not be experience but the point is, you have to communicate what you want or need. Just because you've had a conversation about it before and it led to a rupture, doesn't mean she understands the best way to help you.

You don't have to be all confrontational about it. You can open up the conversation by saying that you've been thinking about how best to work on the "real issues" and you want to discuss how to discuss them. You can say "it doesn't help me when you give me dieting tips", but sometimes it helps to just say you want to talk about talking about it and that has been helpful for me in the past.

[seeker33]

Thank you everyone.
I don't want to be confrontational, I always prefer a calm conversation as any confrontation makes me anxious.

The thing is I'm not sure what my needs are. I mean, what should I ask for? I know I have issues but I don't really know what kind of therapy works for this?
I told my T about the causes and history but I don't think she was helpful in helping me process. It was evident she had no experience either from her own life or from working with the clients.
I know i need to discuss and process this but I'm not sure what others find helpful? What do you do in your sessions? Are there any resources you recommend?
I am the one who leads the sessions but in this case I don't know what to do. I can't afford and don't even want to search for another T.

[weaverbeaver]

My ex t was not experienced in eating disorders. I lost a lot of weight over the ears I seen her and she never once mentioned it!
I decided to bring it up one day. Big mistake- she had no clue what to say or do and tried to change the subject to something else. She basically told me to just eat more food. Not helpful-at all.

I think a lot of ts are not properly trained with eating disorders and a it’d then at all costs. It can be dangerous to treat someone with anorexia if you are not experienced. I would ask yourself what you need from a therapists around this and if your t is not providing it I would move on!
Giving advice on dieting tips is not helpful at all and it sounds like you really would like her to just listen to how hard it is for you and the emotions and feelings that go along with this x

[TeaVicar?]

I'm afraid not many Therapists are experienced in dealing with emotional eating and body image issues. Eating disorders are wide and varied, and aren't just about anorexia or bulimia. I think you need to be assertive with her and say that diet tips are not ok.

Have you read 'fat is a feminist issue' or 'health at every size'? Those books are great for explaining emotional eating and gentle ways to help us through. I've heard really bad things about over-eaters anonymous.

[seeker33]

Thank you so much for book recommendations! I'll certainly have a look at them
My T is really a nice person and I like her a lot. I'm sure if I can talk better about the issue and explain what I need she'll be supportive and helpful.

[Anne2.0]

I don't think that therapist "specialists" are really necessary much of the time. And one's assessment of how experienced someone is with something that is really common like overeating issues may not be accurate. Very little therapy is the product of academic knowledge and probably not even training, but more experience and skill.

You don't have to magically figure out how to "talk better" or explain what you need. You can ask your T to help you figure these things out and have a conversation (or 100) about what you are finding difficult about your therapy and what you need. This is a big issue in and of itself that most of us cannot just produce on our own. I'm glad you trust your T to help you work through it. Good luck.

[Favorite Jeans]

I really like this person's perspective:

The Fat Nutritionist

I don't struggle with weight or eating much personally. But unhealthy attitudes toward food and body size are pretty ubiquitous where I live and I find it helpful to have a saner, kinder, more rational approach. I hope you'll find her helpful. I suspect reading about this a bit will help you figure out your goals for yourself with respect to eating and feeling good in your body.

[Mountaindewed]

I never do anymore. I mentioned one time about a grilled cheese cheeseburger I had. It was a burger between 2 grilled cheese sandwiches. Bad mistake mentioning it to her. She didn’t let it go for years. She constantly brought it up. It was almost like she was using it against me. It was a sandwich. Move on.

[RaineD]

Originally Posted by Bozdickens

I never do anymore. I mentioned one time about a grilled cheese cheeseburger I had. It was a burger between 2 grilled cheese sandwiches. Bad mistake mentioning it to her. She didn’t let it go for years. She constantly brought it up. It was almost like she was using it against me. It was a sandwich. Move on.

Sounds delicious!

[LittleAfrica]

I've battled an eating disorder since 12. I absolutely needed a specialist because they were all clueless idiots when it came to this aspect.

PM me and I'll see if any resources I suggest may be of any help/use to you. Hopefully they'll also assist in you in how your therapist can better help you in this aspect.

Otherwise the suggestion to maybe find a group is a good one if social situations like that aren't difficult for you.

[seeker33]

Thank you everyone for your understanding and support! I'll check out all your suggestions :-)

[WishfulThinker66]

My T or P mentions food or activity and I immediately feel like a fat piece of crap. I am honestly trying and they give me the message they think I am being lazy when I am not. I probably eat better nutritious meals than the average person and walk at least 4km daily.

[seeker33]

Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66

My T or P mentions food or activity and I immediately feel like a fat piece of crap. I am honestly trying and they give me the message they think I am being lazy when I am not. I probably eat better nutritious meals than the average person and walk at least 4km daily.

Exactly! I haven't seen you so this is not about you personally, just a general thought: many people assume that overweight people eat crap all the time, but this doesn't have to be true. Yes, of course we have sinned sometime in our lives and overeaten. But few slim people know that with each diet your metabolism gets slower and you lose muscle mass, not just fat. And with loss of muscle your metablism slows down again. If I tell you that I eat 1600-1800 calories a day on average (on some weekend days it may be about 2100, I admit, but not more) and I am 20kg overweight no one believes me and says I lie or that I don't count occasional snacks or assumes I surely drink sweet sodas which is not true at all. When I try to explain I get this "yeah, sure" kind of look which stabs me in the heart.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by RaineD

Sounds delicious!

It was the first time. I had it again a few months ago and it was pretty burned. 🙁

I had anorexia for well over 25 years. mostly recovered now. the only time T and I talk about food is when we are trying to decide where to go eat. (we usually go for Chinese food.) We eat together a lot.

[stormyisland]

I think the fact that you say you really like your therapist and think she'd be supportive and try her best to accommodate if you addressed this sounds really good. When there's something I find really difficult to talk about I tell my t there's something I really really want to talk about because it's been bothering me for a while but that it's really difficult for me to tell her because of shame/fear of rejection or conflict or whatever it is that time. She then gently guides me through it and it's always been such a lovely experience of being able to talk and something I've felt has been really shameful or like a dark secret and then once it's out in the opening with her she gives me so much lovely reassurance that it all of a sudden isn't a shameful horrible secret anymore.

Why don't you try something like this.. I'd really like to talk about something that's bothering me but I'm scared of bringing it up because I don't want you to feel criticised/upset/I don't want to come across as confrontational... And they say the eating issue is a really sensitive and complicated topic that you feel you need help and support with.. but that recieving any practical tips about healthy eating etc really triggers shame or whatever exactly the feeling is for you and it feels really unhelpful for you. And that you wonder if there could be another way for you to work around it together that would be more helpful. If it's too difficult to say you could write it and email or give the paper to her. I often do that if it feels too tricky to say.

I've had an eating disorder for twenty years now. It's been more on the background while I've been pregnant/breastfeeding (last almost ten years) but now that my body is mine again it is a properly full-blown bulimia/restricting/binge-eating with the horrible weighing and checking in the mirrors multiples times a day. It's taken over my life again. My t has been really helpful though. Her main focus has been to understand the pattern behind this.. I thinks I'm not enough or am too much for people and overcome by guilt. I don't think I deserve nice things so I deprive myself of food until I can't take it anymore - binge-eating need to get rid of it.. etc. She tries to work with my self-esteem and how I view myself and talk to myself as a priority. She never comments on it when I binge. Apart from saying all bodies need food and it's sometimes normal to comfort eat and that if I do binge I shouldn't beat myself up about it. It's only the restricting that gets her really animated and bossy. But in a nice way. She gets really annoyed and lectures how I won't be able to survive with food and how I'm setting myself an impossible task and need to be kinder to myself.

I've found my ts approved to eating problems really helpfulness and definitely feel like my thoughts are slowly beginning to shift. PM me if you want to talk about this anymore. Google overcoming disordered eating module. That's an amazing resource for any trouble with eating. Im using it and loving it!!

Hope you manage to get it sorted.

[TeaVicar?]

Originally Posted by seeker33

Exactly! I haven't seen you so this is not about you personally, just a general thought: many people assume that overweight people eat crap all the time, but this doesn't have to be true. Yes, of course we have sinned sometime in our lives and overeaten. But few slim people know that with each diet your metabolism gets slower and you lose muscle mass, not just fat. And with loss of muscle your metablism slows down again. If I tell you that I eat 1600-1800 calories a day on average (on some weekend days it may be about 2100, I admit, but not more) and I am 20kg overweight no one believes me and says I lie or that I don't count occasional snacks or assumes I surely drink sweet sodas which is not true at all. When I try to explain I get this "yeah, sure" kind of look which stabs me in the heart.

There are scientific studies behind this. It's been shown that our bodies have a 'set' weight, so when we diet and lose a lot of weight quickly, our bodies try to get us back up to our 'set' weight, plus a bit more in case there is another famine. The best thing we can do is to a) go easy on ourselves and accept ourselves for who we are, body & soul and b)try to eat intuitively - try to tune into what our bodies want to eat... whether that be a donut or a jacket potato.

Unfortunately society is still very fatphobic and people generally don't want to know the reasons behind why some bodies are fatter than others. The food industry, governments & diet industry are invested in putting the blame solely on the individual, and they perpetuate this lie through the media and various national campaigns. Many people assume fat people are greedy and lazy, which is very far from the truth.

[seeker33]

Originally Posted by Starry_Night

I had anorexia for well over 25 years. mostly recovered now. the only time T and I talk about food is when we are trying to decide where to go eat. (we usually go for Chinese food.) We eat together a lot.

Wow you eat with your T? I envy you!

[seeker33]

Originally Posted by stormyisland

I think the fact that you say you really like your therapist and think she'd be supportive and try her best to accommodate if you addressed this sounds really good. When there's something I find really difficult to talk about I tell my t there's something I really really want to talk about because it's been bothering me for a while but that it's really difficult for me to tell her because of shame/fear of rejection or conflict or whatever it is that time. She then gently guides me through it and it's always been such a lovely experience of being able to talk and something I've felt has been really shameful or like a dark secret and then once it's out in the opening with her she gives me so much lovely reassurance that it all of a sudden isn't a shameful horrible secret anymore.

Why don't you try something like this.. I'd really like to talk about something that's bothering me but I'm scared of bringing it up because I don't want you to feel criticised/upset/I don't want to come across as confrontational... And they say the eating issue is a really sensitive and complicated topic that you feel you need help and support with.. but that recieving any practical tips about healthy eating etc really triggers shame or whatever exactly the feeling is for you and it feels really unhelpful for you. And that you wonder if there could be another way for you to work around it together that would be more helpful. If it's too difficult to say you could write it and email or give the paper to her. I often do that if it feels too tricky to say.

I've had an eating disorder for twenty years now. It's been more on the background while I've been pregnant/breastfeeding (last almost ten years) but now that my body is mine again it is a properly full-blown bulimia/restricting/binge-eating with the horrible weighing and checking in the mirrors multiples times a day. It's taken over my life again. My t has been really helpful though. Her main focus has been to understand the pattern behind this.. I thinks I'm not enough or am too much for people and overcome by guilt. I don't think I deserve nice things so I deprive myself of food until I can't take it anymore - binge-eating need to get rid of it.. etc. She tries to work with my self-esteem and how I view myself and talk to myself as a priority. She never comments on it when I binge. Apart from saying all bodies need food and it's sometimes normal to comfort eat and that if I do binge I shouldn't beat myself up about it. It's only the restricting that gets her really animated and bossy. But in a nice way. She gets really annoyed and lectures how I won't be able to survive with food and how I'm setting myself an impossible task and need to be kinder to myself.

I've found my ts approved to eating problems really helpfulness and definitely feel like my thoughts are slowly beginning to shift. PM me if you want to talk about this anymore. Google overcoming disordered eating module. That's an amazing resource for any trouble with eating. Im using it and loving it!!

Hope you manage to get it sorted.

Stormisland, thank you for your kind and supportive reply! I truly appreciate your helpfulness and also openness about your problems.
I hope that you'll overcome your issues and learn to accept yourself while remaining strong and healthy for your baby it seems you're on a right way with having such a good T.

I'll definitely talk to her and I will write because my therapy is online :-) that is the only form I could have, I'd never go to therapy in person. So yes, I will think about it and form a proper explanation. I'll also look at the resource you've suggested!