[Fuzzybear]

One definition to me of abandonment is of being shut down. If I share and open up .. even somewhat...and a therapist or other gives a reductive reply, this is a form of abandonment of my feelings. JMO.

[Rohag]

((((((( Fuzzybear )))))))

I think I know what you mean. To avoid confusion, could you offer or point to an example of this? (Please don't if it is triggering.)

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Rohag

((((((( Fuzzybear )))))))

I think I know what you mean. To avoid confusion, could you offer or point to an example of this? (Please don't if it is triggering.)

It’s perhaps a bit like a baby learning to speak? Or walk? If the maternal unit tells the baby “I’ve replied to this before” ...

Or ...”I don’t know” (with no effort to find any sort of answer..)

Or... “you need to run faster. You aren’t worth the time of learning how to walk first...”

[Rohag]

To me, these sound like one of the forms of maternal alienation, the kind where the mother herself fails to bond with or detaches from the child. (I think another form is where another - often a father - actively works to damage or destroy the mother-child bond.)

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Rohag

To me, these sound like one of the forms of maternal alienation, the kind where the mother herself fails to bond with or detaches from the child. (I think another form is where another - often a father - actively works to damage or destroy the mother-child bond.)

Thank you for your thoughtful reply

[here today]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

One definition to me of abandonment is of being shut down. If I share and open up .. even somewhat...and a therapist or other gives a reductive reply, this is a form of abandonment of my feelings. JMO.

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

It’s perhaps a bit like a baby learning to speak? Or walk? If the maternal unit tells the baby “I’ve replied to this before” ...

Or ...”I don’t know” (with no effort to find any sort of answer..)

Or... “you need to run faster. You aren’t worth the time of learning how to walk first...”

It sounds as if when this happens the other person "isn't there for you". Is that accurate?

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by here today

It sounds as if when this happens the other person "isn't there for you". Is that accurate?

I think so, and in some cases maybe they are pretending to be supportive, or to have my best interests at heart, but actually aren’t

Another example is a maternal unit saying to a 10 year old ? “It’s your decision” ..trite, useless, and actually quite hurtful

Or “you would have sunk or swum” - from a maternal unit. How boring.

They wanted me to go to boarding school (maybe I would have “got on” better there.. but she wanted to get rid of me.

And they could only “afford” ... “mixed jam” how ridiculous

Oh .. and “dried milk” ............

[sugarbeeMe]

I agree that this seems like a lack of bonding. And definitely a form of abandonment. Were there other children?

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by sugarbeeMe

I agree that this seems like a lack of bonding. And definitely a form of abandonment. Were there other children?

No.. I was the only cub

(In that “family” anyway... the PU did have other children, boys

I didn’t meet them for... rather a long time...

I agree this can be a form of abandonment. With a person who you have an equal and understanding relationship with, there can be room for healthy discussion or debate re: a difference of opinion. It can still sting and get out of hand, of course, but there isn’t as much of a power imbalance (theoretically). But when it’s someone like a therapist or an “unequal/one-sided” figure, and they just shut you down without explanation or context, it can definitely bring on a kind of emotional isolation that makes it harder to open up the next time around.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by RiverLight

I agree this can be a form of abandonment. With a person who you have an equal and understanding relationship with, there can be room for healthy discussion or debate re: a difference of opinion. It can still sting and get out of hand, of course, but there isn’t as much of a power imbalance (theoretically). But when it’s someone like a therapist or an “unequal/one-sided” figure, and they just shut you down without explanation or context, it can definitely bring on a kind of emotional isolation that makes it harder to open up the next time around.

Thank you RiverLight for your thoughtful reply

Being shut down without explanation or context.. extremely sub optimal