Therapist gaslighted me?

I'm not sure it this belongs over in the PTSD forum or not. Let me know.

Have any of you had success talking to your therapist about something she's not seeing? I have a generally good relationship with her. She successfully got me through OCD exposure therapy and I trust her quite a bit. About a while ago I felt comfortable bringing up things related to my PTSD diagnosis and we've discussed my past but haven't made much movement toward treating it (becaise OCD and some other in the moment things were the focus). She does have experience with trauma though that's why I'm thrown off here...

I think she unknowingly gaslighted me recently. I didn't understand what happened until recently but I think she gaslighted me (or didn't get what I was saying or simply didn't like what I was saying) and the incident threw me right into this semi transference where I started doing what I used to do as a kid (try to please her, blame myself for everything etc)

She knows something is off and has asked but she cant guess it and I didn't really understand it until now.

What I mean to ask is: is there a chance for a positive outcome of I tell her that she triggered this? Or is she going to gaslight me again and if so is it worthwhile to even try bringing it up? I can share more if needed but I think that's the meat n cheese of it

Trust her; tell her. It seems like this is a rupture that can be repaired with effort on both sides?

I think it depends upon your tolerance for frustration. I finally hired a second one who was much better at understanding what I was saying than the first one. The first one was better at sitting there while I talked about my sick/dying/dead person. I think sometimes one just has to accept those guys can be crap at some things and move on to areas they can handle

Gaslighting is a conscious and deliberate act which is abusive and used to knowingly harm another person. If your therapist has gaslighted you, continuing to attend therapy will be harmful to you. If your therapist has misunderstood you, missed the significance of something or had imperfect recall then that is a different matter. These would be circumstances of a rupture which can potentially be useful material with which to work.

I've struggled so hard to decide if she did it on purpose or not. Is it not possible to gaslight by accident? I doubt she meant to hurt me. But she did all the same and I guess didn't notice my reaction or the significance of it

My frustration tolerance ranges from 0 to 100. Depending on the day and situation. If someone confronts me or I feel triggered it's 0 and I'll do anything to end the conflict. When I have some space I can tolerate a lot.

I didnt think about hiring a 2nd. I could use another agency and possibly get some input

That would be ideal. I think this situation has crushed my trust though. I learned to trust that she's going to be steady and with me. And suddenly she wasn't. Suddenly it was like she didn't respect my opinions feelings or ideas. I don't know if I can trust her to react in a way I need anymore

I think it is possible to unintentionally gaslight. My first therapist denied my reality, I believe simply because he believed it to be false. To me that was still gaslighting.

I would try to tell her how she made you feel. If she doesn't seem to get it, then maybe it's time to look for another therapist.

I am so sorry your trust is so crushed. Do you think you triggered some countertransference or something personal, and she reacted unprofessionally? Was she dismissive or degrading? This sounds serious, and I am really sorry.

I have struggled with therapy so intensely, especially with trust in my T . I still do. There have been times the feeling of betrayal, and sudden hurtful comments on his part wrecked my view of him and our relationship. Some of these things I still turn over in my mind, and measure the harm. I am a CSA patient, and my T commented about the #me too movement that whatever happened to anyone else, he is so very thankful it will be a better world for his daughter. It might sound silly, but I still have times I question him, if he only pretends to be with me, and if that revealed his true view- kind of a tough luck, but you're not my family and I don't really care mentality. And yet, and yet, I have improved so much, and many other times, my T joins with me in bleak places or has touch on words that illuminate the world, and make me still want to live in it.

I don't know what you should do.

Gaslighting is very sinister. My T never tried to make me worse. There are times though I have had to choose his version of reality over my own to get along, and that has felt like being manipulated when it was more me selling myself out.

I hope you get some peace and peace of mind, and find this wasn't deliberately malicious or a huge failure of character on her part.

Right now , I have a vantage point on my T that he is doing his best for me, within some very strict limits and he is giving me a chance to find my way through a very scary woods. I also know I might not have that perspective in two weeks- part of my DX is pure terror of relationships involving one person with a lot of power, and so therapy itself is triggering beyond my capacity to reason with myself at times. My T weathers this, and while he is weathering it I am thinking he is hurting me, he is scary, he is untrustworthy, he is indifferent. In better times, I think. . . my T is invested in me and wants me to flourish eventually, bc that is the job he chose, the work that called to him, to be with people .

So maybe your T gaslighted you and deliberated tried to make you think that you are crazy for her own personal power over you and gain. But oh man I hope not- therapy is scary enough when everyone is trying hard.

You don't describe what exactly happened, so I don't know how it's possible for anyone to see if she gaslighted you or not. All you said in regards to possible gaslighting is "I think she unknowingly gaslighted me recently". What did she do exactly?

She said my perception of a particular event was false due to having ptsd. Yes its possible but instead of getting me there and helping me see she basically used our relationship to say she knows better and it's a ptsd problem if I can't trust her to tell me how I should feel.

I'm not sure I even disagree with her point but the way she said it hurt. I tried to show that (or thought I did because I cried and I've never cried in front of her) and her response wasn't to consider my reaction it was more quilting me over not trusting her, saying I'm closed off to any alternatives. Basically saying my reality is wrong

It hurt like heck because I thought she saw me as relatively open to reality testing and alt viewpoints.

I see. Yes, I would, actually, consider it gaslighting, even though I don't believe she had a conscious intention to gaslight you. IMO, gaslighting, like any other wrongful or problematic behavior is unconscious. That is to say that whenever someone does something wrong, they do not consider their behavior wrongful, otherwise they wouldn't do it because we all have the need to feel like we are conducting ourselves the "right" way at all times because we have an innate need to feel that we are "good" people.

In any case, if she believed that your perception about something was inaccurate, a healthy way of dealing with it would be to explain to you what makes her think it was inaccurate instead of blaming your ptsd for your perceptions. I am not saying that our past traumas don't color our perceptions because they certainly do. I am saying that one cannot dismiss and invalidate someone else's perceptions just because that person has ptsd. Disagreeing with their perception and presenting your own is perfectly fine, but to say outright that that person's perception is essentially a symptom of their ptsd is arrogant and disrespectful because it implies that the therapist "knows" for sure what that particular event in question was about but there is no way for them or anyone else to know that. Even if the therapist strongly believes that they know what's going on, it is disrespectful to say to the client "you are seeing this wrongly because you have ptsd" because it essentially means "you are crazy that's why you are seeing stuff that isn't there" or, at least, that's how it feels to the client. It only re-enforces the idea that something is wrong with them, which is one of the main causes of their suffering in the first place.

A much better way for the therapist to address the event in question, as I said, would've been to give her own opinion about it and to explain what it is based on instead of making it about you.

I get what you're saying. It sucks that sometimes you cant trust your own instinct! Therapists who can sit with people through that and be supportive without being pushy or frustrated are A++++.

I think in my case I still have this hope that she didn't hurt me on purpose or that sages trying to help...just that she didn't do it sensitively or something. It still might mean I can't go to her for therapy but it would matter to know if it was intentional

Yes this exactly. I want to quote that for her. I felt like she was saying you're too broken to understand this so I'm just going to tell you how it is