[weaverbeaver]

So I quit therapy today over text-again.

My t said some pretty inappropriate things last week and left me to stew while she went away.

I had no feelings of regret until everytime time I wanted to tell her something but I know I can’t.

T never responded to my text which hurt a lot.
I am feeling so alone right now and lost!

[Deejay14]

WB you quit therapy over a text Why are you disappointed T did not rwspond? You ended the relationship by doing that. Was that some testing in action? Many therapists believe if you quit for whatever reason they will side by your decision. T may have been doing just that. Is quitting really what you want to do?

If you are having second thiughts or feeling alone perhaps rethink your decision.

[weaverbeaver]

Originally Posted by Deejay14

WB you quit therapy over a text Why are you disappointed T did not rwspond? You ended the relationship by doing that. Was that some testing in action? Many therapists believe if you quit for whatever reason they will side by your decision. T may have been doing just that. Is quitting really what you want to do?

She usually would respond but this time she is fed up with me. It’s been a hard few months and we have had so many ruptures.
I guess on some level it was testing because when I quit a few weeks ago she wouldn’t let me quit without coming to see her first!
She knows that I push her away but this time she didn’t try stop me!

I think I need a break- she asked me something really terrible and I don’t know how to forgive her!
I guess I am a little list and unsure what to do because usually I talk to t but I can’t do that anymore.

[here today]

So, even though my last T was the one to terminate the therapy because she said she "lacked the emotional resources" to continue, after 2 years I'm finally feeling stronger, and better off without her. There was some "toxicity" in the relationship, on both sides. I couldn't see hers well, or mine.

So sorry you're feeling alone and lost. PC has been a big help to me with the alone feelings. And a help in trying to make my way out of the lostness, too, maybe. Is lostness related to abandonment, I wonder? Whatever it is, it sucks.

Hope things will be better for you soon.

[weaverbeaver]

Originally Posted by here today

So, even though my last T was the one to terminate the therapy because she said she "lacked the emotional resources" to continue, after 2 years I'm finally feeling stronger, and better off without her. There was some "toxicity" in the relationship, on both sides. I couldn't see hers well, or mine.


So sorry you're feeling alone and lost. PC has been a big help to me with the alone feelings. And a help in trying to make my way out of the lostness, too, maybe. Is lostness related to abandonment, I wonder? Whatever it is, it sucks.


Hope things will be better for you soon.

Thank you
I am sorry things were so bad with your t but I am glad to hear that it’s better now!
Yeah I think you are correct about the feelings of being lost relating to abandonment.
I am super sensitive to abandonment so I don’t get into relationships or form bonds very much because I know they will always leave and I will end up alone.
I always try push t away but she never let me and now I think that it’s too much to stay and go back because I need to break away from her.

[Fuzzybear]

I’m sorry about your T saying inappropriate things, that’s never ok. I agree that posting here can help with feelings of lostness connected to sub optimal therapy.

Hoping you feel better soon and feel free to post away here

So sorry, wb. I terminated in person, but it was very abrupt and out of left field and may as well have been a text or e-mail, too. She didn't expect it at all, and she did not contact me at all after.

One of the things that brought me to therapy was a rocky relationship that ended shortly after I began seeing my T. My ex and I "went on a break" but she eventually e-mailed me saying she didn't want to try repairing things "post-break," and she never wanted to see me again.

I remember clearly my T coaching me during that time because I went through months and months of convincing myself I was still in love with her and wanted to reach out and tell her how I felt. But my T said, (unless you're 100% sure you're supposed to be with this person), "Reaching out to someone like that who has cut ties with you is not respecting their boundaries."

I think of that often because in a self-sabotaging way, I really want my therapist to reach out to me and try to convince me to go back. But I know she's not going to (at least not any time soon) because I established the boundaries that told her I'm done with her.

I think in your case, it seems extreme that your T wouldn't at least send a text acknowledging your choice and saying something along the lines of "the door is always open." Maybe she's waiting to find the right words. But... maybe it's also a boundary thing. Or maybe someone who says inappropriate things reacts to unexpected situations in inappropriate ways.

Originally Posted by weaverbeaver

... Yeah I think you are correct about the feelings of being lost relating to abandonment.
I am super sensitive to abandonment so I don’t get into relationships or form bonds very much because I know they will always leave and I will end up alone.
I always try push t away but she never let me and now I think that it’s too much to stay and go back because I need to break away from her.

I understand this. I do the opposite: form strong (one-sided) bonds very quickly thinking, "This time, maybe they won't leave me." I hope things work out. Maybe a short break will be good. I'm wishing you peace.

[weaverbeaver]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I’m sorry about your T saying inappropriate things, that’s never ok. I agree that posting here can help with feelings of lostness connected to sub optimal therapy.


Hoping you feel better soon and feel free to post away here

Thank youFuzzy
If really does help to talk about it here!
I think what she said was highly inappropriate and crossed so many of my boundaries. Perhaps she had a good reason but it felt out of place and intrusive.

[weaverbeaver]

Originally Posted by RiverLight

So sorry, wb. I terminated in person, but it was very abrupt and out of left field and may as well have been a text or e-mail, too. She didn't expect it at all, and she did not contact me at all after.


One of the things that brought me to therapy was a rocky relationship that ended shortly after I began seeing my T. My ex and I "went on a break" but she eventually e-mailed me saying she didn't want to try repairing things "post-break," and she never wanted to see me again.


I remember clearly my T coaching me during that time because I went through months and months of convincing myself I was still in love with her and wanted to reach out and tell her how I felt. But my T said, (unless you're 100% sure you're supposed to be with this person), "Reaching out to someone like that who has cut ties with you is not respecting their boundaries."


I think of that often because in a self-sabotaging way, I really want my therapist to reach out to me and try to convince me to go back. But I know she's not going to (at least not any time soon) because I established the boundaries that told her I'm done with her.


I think in your case, it seems extreme that your T wouldn't at least send a text acknowledging your choice and saying something along the lines of "the door is always open." Maybe she's waiting to find the right words. But... maybe it's also a boundary thing. Or maybe someone who says inappropriate things reacts to unexpected situations in inappropriate ways.

Thank you so much for your response, it really helps to read about other peoples experiences.

My t is not as boundaried as some ts.
She is very flexible usually.
I do think she has an abandonment wound that gets opened when I say that I am leaving- she once says it feels like a personal attack on her.
I didn’t say anything personal about her just why I was leaving and how I was feeling.

If t is waiting to find the right words, it’s too late. I needed a response today, not tomorrow or Monday!

That must have been very hard with your ex, I hate it when we are given no explanation just don’t contact me again.
My ex said something similar and it still hurts after all these years.

My t takes a lot of risks with me and these can be very upsetting at times and inappropriate. She isn’t concerned about the impact they have on me and I have told her before how upsetting they are. Asking someone if they were raped and then wondering why I have gone into shock.
She really does not understand trauma at all and it really hurts me at times and feels clumsy and intrusive.

[Favorite Jeans]

Originally Posted by Deejay14

WB you quit therapy over a text Why are you disappointed T did not rwspond? You ended the relationship by doing that. Was that some testing in action? Many therapists believe if you quit for whatever reason they will side by your decision. T may have been doing just that. Is quitting really what you want to do?

If you are having second thiughts or feeling alone perhaps rethink your decision.

I think it's pretty common to have more than one feeling about ending an important relationship. It would be very unusual not to have second thoughts or to feel alone even when the decision is clearly the right one. We do not generally abruptly stop loving people or caring about them the very moment that we realize that our relationship with them has become unhealthy or has otherwise run its course.

[weaverbeaver]

Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans

I think it's pretty common to have more than one feeling about ending an important relationship. It would be very unusual not to have second thoughts or to feel alone even when the decision is clearly the right one. We do not generally abruptly stop loving people or caring about them the very moment that we realize that our relationship with them has become unhealthy or has otherwise run its course.

This is so true and I can really relate this to my ex, there was so many conflicting emotions when they relationship ended!

It was very healthy but I still loved her very much. The relationship was toxic but I was addicted to it and her.

I still love her even though she hurt me and had so many unresolved issues but it doesn’t mean you stop loving them.

On some level t evokes very strong feelings in me similar to my relationship so any kind of rejection or abandonment will really hurt.

Therapy is a clumsy business and some therapies are clumsier than others, Gestalt in my experience. Is she clumsy and insensitive or are you raw and lost? I often don't know how to tell.

[weaverbeaver]

Originally Posted by SorryNorma

Therapy is a clumsy business and some therapies are clumsier than others, Gestalt in my experience. Is she clumsy and insensitive or are you raw and lost? I often don't know how to tell.

Thanks for your reply. I have been really thinking about the answer and to be honest I think it’s a combination of both. She is clumsy and insensitive and I am raw and lost and together it’s explosive.
See I am trying to figure out what’s mine and what’s hers and it’s really hard to separate because we have become so enmeshed and entangled. It’s gotten really ugly, really quickly

Does your therapist think you are enmeshed and entangled?

[Myrto]

I think quitting therapy can be the right decision.
If you don’t want to see it as a definite decision, maybe consider it a break?
A break can help you take some distance, find out what you really want and then decide whether you want to go back to therapy or not.

I really relate to what you are saying about your ex: it’s painful to let go even if you know that the relationship is toxic.

[weaverbeaver]

Originally Posted by SorryNorma

Does your therapist think you are enmeshed and entangled?

No she thinks it’s all part of therapy!

Originally Posted by weaverbeaver

No she thinks it’s all part of therapy!

Ha! Of course she does!

[weaverbeaver]

Originally Posted by Myrto

I think quitting therapy can be the right decision.

If you don’t want to see it as a definite decision, maybe consider it a break?

A break can help you take some distance, find out what you really want and then decide whether you want to go back to therapy or not.


I really relate to what you are saying about your ex: it’s painful to let go even if you know that the relationship is toxic.

Thank you for your response. I think in this instance a break would be best, I have a had two weeks therapy free and the break has been nice!

I will wait and see if twill ever get back to me, maybe she is angry upset but it’s not my fault and she shouldn’t punish me like this.