[SlumberKitty]

I got to talk to my old T on the phone yesterday. She is helping me "transition" to a new T since she got sick and can't be my regular T anymore. It was so good to talk to her. It felt good. It made me miss her more, of course, but just hearing her voice was so calming and I realized I really miss that! She agreed that the T that I "tried out" for three sessions isn't working well for me and validated that it's okay if I move on and try someone else. That made me feel good that I have given new T a good shot, but we just aren't connecting and she feels too negative, and is going way too fast for me. Plus new T wants me to do inpatient like a residential treatment program that is long term and I don't want to. One I don't feel that unstable, and two, I don't know how I would do that and pay my bills and what I would do about work. Old T doesn't think inpatient/residential (not really sure what the difference is) is necessary. So old T was okay with my decision to terminate with new T. I have an appointment coming up on Monday with a different T to give her a try. I'm nervous about it and sort of just wanting to give up on the whole process but it feels like everyone around me all my friends and family are telling me that I still need a T. So I'll try the one on Monday and see what happens and then terminate with the other T on Thursday. I decided I'm going to terminate in person because it will give me a chance to work on my assertiveness, but I'm concerned what the T is going to say about me. She already has said she doesn't think I'm going to get better. She has already said she doesn't think I want to get better. She already thinks I have spent too long in therapy and am not better yet. So I am anticipating that she will have more negative things to say about me. And I will have to suck it up and take it. It doesn't mean I have to take it in, but I figure I will struggle not to take it in. So I'm still in the process of trying to find a T to work with and trying to get over missing my old T so much and trying to figure out how to move on and it feels like a big old sloppy mess. I really wanted to share and not feel alone in this process so that's why I'm posting it here at PC. Just really didn't want to be alone while figuring out this T stuff.

[kecanoe]

I know a lot of people, Ts especially, think that ending in person is a good thing. But I am not sure that it necessarily is. It sounds like this T is mean-why would she say that she doesn't think you are going to get better and that you don't want to get better after only 3 sessions? I think that is rather presumptuous on her part.


I might consider waiting a week or two before going back in to terminate. See how things go with the newest T, see how I was feeling.

[tomatenoir]

It sounds like you've thought through your decision, that you've given this T a good shot, and that you're making plans to try with someone who better suits your needs. All good things. I'm glad your current T is helping you navigate this.

Have you considered that you don't need to stay the whole session? You could plan to stand the minute you're done talking, or you could even stay standing when you enter the room. If there's somewhere else in the office to talk, you could do it there. If you've made your mind up, and are worrying about getting sucked in, doing things that say, "This is a client telling you they're quitting, this is not a session," might be worth considering.

Any T who outright says you're not going to get better is probably someone you don't want to listen to anyways (and unethical - - she's taking money while believing therapy won't work).

Good luck.

[SlumberKitty]

Originally Posted by kecanoe

I know a lot of people, Ts especially, think that ending in person is a good thing. But I am not sure that it necessarily is. It sounds like this T is mean-why would she say that she doesn't think you are going to get better and that you don't want to get better after only 3 sessions? I think that is rather presumptuous on her part.


I might consider waiting a week or two before going back in to terminate. See how things go with the newest T, see how I was feeling.

That might be a good idea. I don't really think my feelings are going to change about wanting to terminate with her but my mode of wanting to terminate might. I can definitely wait to see how things are with the newest T and see if that changes my mind. Thanks for the input.

[SlumberKitty]

Originally Posted by tomatenoir

It sounds like you've thought through your decision, that you've given this T a good shot, and that you're making plans to try with someone who better suits your needs. All good things. I'm glad your current T is helping you navigate this.

Have you considered that you don't need to stay the whole session? You could plan to stand the minute you're done talking, or you could even stay standing when you enter the room. If there's somewhere else in the office to talk, you could do it there. If you've made your mind up, and are worrying about getting sucked in, doing things that say, "This is a client telling you they're quitting, this is not a session," might be worth considering.

Any T who outright says you're not going to get better is probably someone you don't want to listen to anyways (and unethical - - she's taking money while believing therapy won't work).

Good luck.

I hadn't really considered not staying for the whole session--I figured I'm paying for it, I may as well stay for it, but just like there's nothing wrong with walking out of a bad movie, there's nothing that says I have to stay for the whole session. Especially if it turns really negative. Thanks for that!

[ElectricManatee]

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

So I am anticipating that she will have more negative things to say about me. And I will have to suck it up and take it. It doesn't mean I have to take it in, but I figure I will struggle not to take it in.

This part really stood out to me. I can see wanting to work on assertiveness by going back to quit in person. But I also think there is tremendous value in learning that you do not, in fact, have to take it. Not from anybody, and certainly not from some mean therapist who sounds like she doesn't understand you in the first place. When I finally realized that I didn't have to just stand there and take insults and negativity from other people in order to "be the bigger person," I felt so incredibly free. I don't think you need to hear another word of this lady's misguided, demoralizing nonsense, and I think there is strength in working up the courage to say NO and not go back.

BTW, if you're still in touch with your old T, can she give you referrals to somebody who might suit you and the type of therapy work you're doing?

[maybeblue]

Just a suggestion if you want it: You could end it on the phone. That way you wouldn't have to pay for a session, but you would still get an opportunity to practice your assertiveness. And you can hang up whenever you want. But do whatever is best for you.

I think you are doing the right thing by leaving this therapist. It's hard for me to see that a mean therapist would be that helpful for anyone. I hope the next one is a better fit.