[justbreathe1994]

I am struggling because my T said that when we terminate it didn’t have to be so black and white. We didn’t have to stop all contact, but since I crossed her boundary, she has probably decided that she has to sever the cord completely. This is so painful. We had so many conversations about how scared I was of that happening. And now it has happened. I know I crossed her boundary so everything is different now. I’m just still in so much pain and shock and I don’t know how to process this.

[here today]

I know you have said that you respect her, and that you got a lot of good things from your time with her.

But this rigid enforcement of a "boundary" seems to lack compassion, to me. Yes, it seems to be common in therapy practice these days, for what purpose, or supposed purpose, I'm not sure. Perhaps it's in their literature, I don't care enough to look it up.

SHE made things rigid and black and white about the termination --doesn't mean you have to, though. She's good AND bad, black and white. Betrayal sucks. AND you can survive and eventually move on. Processing, for me, sometimes means just sitting/being with the feelings for a while. Sometimes a painfully long while. Plus, venting to "friends", people here who accept what I have to vent about, has helped a lot, too.

[SlumberKitty]

((((justbreathe1994)))) I know this has been difficult for you. I think if I were in your shoes it would be difficult for me too. I don't really have any advice on how to make it better. Like here today said, you can survive and eventually move on. It takes time, perspective, distance, and more time. (((hugs)))

[jtopinka]

Worry so often likes to make itself seem useful and important. Worry many times helps us to be proactive but in this instance, you can't control how your T acts, so worry will only compound your suffering. Worrying can be hard to stop doing but just notice that if you find yourself worrying, take ownership of it. "Oh, I see that I am worrying about a situation that is out of my control. Okay." Tell yourself you are choosing to worry and many times that will lighten your emotions surrounding it. Trust me, I used to be an obsessive worrier...

The other thing about worry is that when we have a persistent worry in mind, like fear that we will cross a boundary, for some reason we end up making it happen... For example, growing up when I would ride bike, I would always hit trees; I would concentrate on them and tell myself, "don't hit it, don't hit it, you're going to hit the tree..." and I hit it every time. Then I made it mean that I was such a bad bike rider because I always hit the trees, but really I was putting too much concentration on it; it had nothing to do with my ability to ride bike.

One way I like to process shock is by thinking in "third person," like from a watcher perspective. "She thinks she doesn't know how to process this." "She thinks x, y, z." This will help you not take your thoughts so personally and help you to analyze what you are thinking and remove any of the thoughts that don't make sense that will only hold up your "processing" process. We think so many thoughts every day and sometimes we allow thoughts that have no baring to create blockades in our life, when those thoughts hold no truth whatsoever.

Sending you calm and clear thoughts and vibes. However you choose to handle this will be what's best!!

[Taylor27]

Lots of hugs i have no advice. It's so hard when you see them and then you never will again. I hate that ending part and there no easy way out of the emotional pain. Hugs

[fille_folle]

Yes, I think it's safe to assume that since you were terminated, rather than leaving on your own, that you can't expect to remain in contact with your ex-T. I seem to recall that your dietician told you that your ex-T would not be listening to your messages anymore, so that also points towards the termination of the relationship as a whole. I think that given the intensity of your feelings towards your ex-T, continued contact wouldn't be in your best interests, anyway. Is your new T at the same practice? If not, perhaps you should consider getting a new dietician so you can start completely fresh. I imagine going to the practice and possibly seeing your ex-T will not help you move on.

[BudFox]

How would anyone, including the therapist, know what's in best interests of OP without asking OP?

[here today]

Originally Posted by BudFox

How would anyone, including the therapist, know what's in best interests of OP without asking OP?

I agree with this. Just for the sake of argument -- even if the OP doesn't have a clear idea of what's in her best interests, for anyone, including a therapist, to assume that they do -- perhaps therapists do that all the times, and I'm not so sure that's a good idea AT ALL. It invalidates the client, on its face.

Seems to me that the OP has intense feelings of connection, which she has said that she does, if I understand that correctly. I had intense feelings of anger -- negative transference, whatever.

Being rejected by therapists because those feelings expressed themselves in primitive form was not in my interest. I worked very hard to try to get in touch with them in the first place, and moderated them as best I could, learning from earlier experiences. Still. . .very definitely not perfect.

There needs to be a better way, and I don't see how therapists can come up with one without consulting and discussing it with their clients. Which the client's T, and mine, apparently could not do because of their own issues.

Learning to deal with therapists, and others, who betray and disappoint MAY be in a client's interests, and that may be true of me, but in order to do that I have found that I need the support of some others. Not necessarily a therapist, just some others who don't invalidate me.