T ghosting you!

My t has disappeared and won’t answer my texts.
She has ghosted me and I am feeling so confused and conflicted. This drives me crazy and so I sent her a few texts today asking if we could talk about things! Usually she would answer back but lately she just ignores my texts.
I didn’t go to my session this week because if our rupture and because it’s too difficult to work through this particular issue right now!

I am asking for some support and please try not to judge me or t!

I am so sorry, because it feels horrible to reach out and hear no response.

I’m so sorry. That must feel awful. Is this typical of her??? Could she have misplaced her phone?

I'm so sorry. That's tough. I hope your T answers your text soon. Hugs if you want them.

I don’t think she has misplaced her phone, I think when I have hurt her in the past or said I was finishing up she disappears and leaves me to struggle alone. It’s really painful to reach out and not get anything back! It’s like a painful rejection again and again!

Thank you all for your support

maybe she changed boundaries

it is hard to respond without knowing their side of this. You have said you have hurt her in the past which points to their being boundary problems. Have you fully considered this? Have there been communication issues previously? What has your T said about this sort of thing in the past? I really think that one needs to stand back and look at the entire picture here including one's responsibility. Honestly I am not ready to jump on the bandwagon here and trash the therapist.

I thought you sent her a message that you quit?

She has said she prefers to talk rather than text. So I asked if we could talk! But I still heard nothing.

I did and she eventually text back and said she isn’t going to allow it, we made an appointment and I cancelled. Between holidays for her and me cancelling I have seen her twice since all of this happened in June and I am going around in circles and up and down!

We have both hurt each other! She really needs to stop talking things personally when I quit and to try and see that I am hurting and may need support not to be ignored.

This has been an issue in the past, ruptures and repairs. I quit but then I am always the one to repair. It would be nice if t would sometimes try and reach out or apologise for her part in ruptures. She usually blames me.
Thank you for trying to understand and for not thrashing t. I know that there are two of us in this relationship and it’s not all ya fault.

I can hear that you are hurting.

Maybe your T is just trying to respect your words and actions. I am personally not one for testing my T, as I believe that as hard as it is to honest with her, that it’s easier to be direct and honest as much as possible then have misunderstandings where you say one thing but mean another. I say this with much care, as I get how it can be hard. Sometimes all I can say is that I’m hurting, or tell her I don’t feel safe to come, or I don’t think I should come, or whatever.

Your T may have gone along with you by telling you she wasn’t going to allow you to quit, but for some people, that would be violating a boundary. That said, she knows you and engaged with you in your pattern. Ok. But then when you made an appt and then cancelled it- what were you trying to say? What were you looking for? Are you upset that she didn’t beg you to come back? Her silence may not be in retaliation, but rather that she realizes that her role as a therapist is to respect your words and actions and not engage in this way with you. It isn’t healthy for her to get into a cycle of begging you to stay her client.

I’m sorry if she is hurting you by changing her style of response. Hopefully you can work through this situation to learn a healthier way of communicating with each other.

It sounds like you're calculating your behavior to try to make her be the one to reach out - by quitting, then going back and cancelling. I can understand wanting to do this. However, T's aren't really supposed to "reach out" and convince clients who told them they quit to come back. That would go against client autonomy. Have you told your T that you feel like she never owns her part of ruptures? Because what it sounds like happens is that there is a rupture, which you both contribute to, and then that leads to a series of escalating episodes of you acting out, which is your own responsibility.

Are you still trying to text her, or did you leave her a voicemail?

Thank you for your response, it is very helpful!
I think that all of the above is true.
See I told her it didn’t feel safe to come and I felt in danger with her because of her initial reaction that caused the rupture! She said my anger didn’t belong with her and I was projecting onto her- maybe this was true but a lot of the anger does belong with her! She had no right to do what she did and still does!
My t has violated all of my boundaries at one stage or another. When I text her and told her I was t going bAck she text straight back and said sorry, I don’t understand. I understood we were working through this issue so I text her back saying it’s too difficult right now, got no response! Sent another text nothing, rang nothing!
I understand that I am playing games but I am also very distressed about all of this and hurting so much you can’t even imagine.
I just want t to care about me for once and not the rules and the law and put me first. Is that too much to ask

I know that this behaviour is my responsibility but she has a duty of care to her clients. She has broke her own code of ethics so many times when we had this rupture and took away all of my autonomy and then she abandoned me when I become dependant on her. This sucks

How can she not allow you to quit? Are you on disability or something that means you need her permission? If so, can't you still insist on getting some other T?

She kept ringing me and texting saying I need to come in and talk about it with her. She said that if I left now it didn’t reflect well on me and that she would be very disappointed in me.
If I didn’t she would take this matter further.
No, I am not on disability!

So, she did actually what you wanted. As you said, she has a duty of care and she kept ringing and texting and asking you to come to session. But still are you not happy. So, can you describe what exactly would you like her to do?

That was a month ago this is lately! Her boundaries have changed since then if you care to read the thread before judging and making assumptions!

I was not judging, I was just making an observation. I don't consider your behaviour good or bad, it just seems to cause you pain. A month ago the T came after you and it did not make you happy. Now she doesn't and you don't like that either. So what is it that you want?

Sorry, I misinterpreted what you were saying... apologies!
I just want her to be consistent and to at least try and respect what this is like for me without pushing forward with her agenda!

It makes perfect sense to want her to be consistent and listen to what is it like for you and respect it. But what is this her agenda that she is pushing?

It’s something she wants to do not me! She wants me to report my abuser.
She is emotionally blackmailing me into doing it and that’s why we had a rupture.

Oh, right. Now I remember that I read this thread of yours. Yes, that sounds really bad and a cause of many potential ruptures. I'm really sorry that she insists that on you.

Do you hope/believe that you can eventually solve it with her? Do you believe she would be able to finally accept your view and stop pushing?