[Soccer mom]

Do any of you struggle to talk about your feelings? Part of my therapy is talking about the relationship between me and my therapist. However, I can't. I can talk about anything else but when she asks me what I'm feeling in the moment, I clam up. We've discussed transference at length and I know a ton about it. We are very close . I know the feelings I can't talk about are from a very young me like what a child would want. What I can't describe is my inability to talk. I don't really tell myself not to - it just won't come out. Do any of you have the same experience and how would you describe it?

[DP_2017]

Yes. I shut down constantly because I don't wanna deal with emotions. I feel bad cuz it must be frustrating.

Have you tried writing things down to read there? I do that. It can be helpful

[winterblues17]

Yes I do.. I know what I feel, I know what I want to say and I know the words I need to use to say it, however they just won't come out cause, and I end up just getting frustrated and angry at myself,

I also find it easier to write things downike DP said, but sometimes I feel like I need to learn to just say what I feel in the moment.

[wheeler]

Yup, all the time. Writing for me helps too.
I also analyze my thoughts over and over again before saying them out loud. With that I end up getting stuck and unable to speak. Lately I’ve been trying to catch myself, tell myself the only way for me to move forward is to talk. So much like ripping off a bandaid I just blurt it out.

Yes, I've had this experience, and I'd describe it (for me) as the inability to look past "what if it goes wrong?" What if I say something, and my T shuts me down (which she's done), scoffs and dismisses it (which she's done), makes a flippant remark (which she's done), or ignores it completely (which she's done). In a lifetime, we get those reactions for a variety of reasons from different people for different things... after a while, it feels like I'm just pouring gas into a fire thinking that'll make the flames go down.

I'd come in week after week thinking, "This time, I'll say (xyz)." I rarely did. In my real life, I'm a cheerful, happy-go-lucky type, so all the gunk/rage/sorrow feelings under the surface are like secrets.
It felt so terrible to give up a secret to someone I didn't know, and then just leave it there in uncaring hands when my time ran out. She didn't even look at me as I walked out of the office; she'd be on her cell phone as soon as I stood up. How could I possibly tell someone how I'm feeling when I couldn't find any evidence that it would make me feel better?

Re: what you mentioned about childhood feelings, my reaction to my therapist does have a lineage into my childhood. I grew up in a family that only allowed cheerful, happy-go-lucky emotions. I was not allowed to cry in front of my mother. So I do need practice talking about things and feeling things in front of another person. But practice in a fabricated environment like therapy didn't feel healthy for me-- and I learned that, for me, sharing a secret has a lot to do with who I'm sharing it with. I couldn't comfortably tell personal things to a therapist when--even though she may have cared "professionally"--I knew it really made no difference to her. And that's what cut me off every time I tried to open up.

[Soccer mom]

I do email her after sessions to say some things that I couldn't get out in my session. But, some is so basic and I don't know why I can't talk about it. She asked me what I felt during our session. I wanted to say connected, loved, etc. but I couldn't get it out. I clam up when talking about those types of feelings. And, I've had the same thought that I should put on my big girl pants and say it. After all, part of the healing is saying it and then seeing that nothing bad happened. I just can't describe not being able to talk.

For me, my healing will be to talk about my feelings towards her after not having a good mom. But, it all feels so wrong.

[Soccer mom]

Originally Posted by RiverLight

Yes, I've had this experience, and I'd describe it (for me) as the inability to look past "what if it goes wrong?" What if I say something, and my T shuts me down (which she's done), scoffs and dismisses it (which she's done), makes a flippant remark (which she's done), or ignores it completely (which she's done). In a lifetime, we get those reactions for a variety of reasons from different people for different things... after a while, it feels like I'm just pouring gas into a fire thinking that'll make the flames go down.

I'd come in week after week thinking, "This time, I'll say (xyz)." I rarely did. In my real life, I'm a cheerful, happy-go-lucky type, so all the gunk/rage/sorrow feelings under the surface are like secrets.
It felt so terrible to give up a secret to someone I didn't know, and then just leave it there in uncaring hands when my time ran out. She didn't even look at me as I walked out of the office; she'd be on her cell phone as soon as I stood up. How could I possibly tell someone how I'm feeling when I couldn't find any evidence that it would make me feel better?

Re: what you mentioned about childhood feelings, my reaction to my therapist does have a lineage into my childhood. I grew up in a family that only allowed cheerful, happy-go-lucky emotions. I was not allowed to cry in front of my mother. So I do need practice talking about things and feeling things in front of another person. But practice in a fabricated environment like therapy didn't feel healthy for me-- and I learned that, for me, sharing a secret has a lot to do with who I'm sharing it with. I couldn't comfortably tell personal things to a therapist when--even though she may have cared "professionally"--I knew it really made no difference to her. And that's what cut me off every time I tried to open up.

My therapist is very loving and caring but I had an experience like yours before her and it sucked. Interesting you said it's like a secret. My T. made me do an exercise where I imagined myself in a field and then a little girl appeared (little me) and she had a secret to tell me and how hard it was for her to share it.

I also grew up not allowed to cry or show negative emotions. It's amazing how much that negatively affects someone. I'm also trying to let other people in and express my feelings more.

[Lrad123]

I am the same way. I can really clam up in person, but I do much better when sending emails, so he actually encourages that. I can be much more open an free in an email. Sometimes I even have a hard time discussing what I’ve said in emails, but he said it gives him a window into what goes on for me between sessions and I guess that’s good. Could you send her an email??

[Calla lily12]

I don't always clam up, but according to my T, things I do discuss that are disturbing, come out flat without emotion.

[ElectricManatee]

I started with sharing hard things via email. Then I went to letting her read specific things in session (not out loud). Sometimes I talk about talking (e.g., "I want to tell you something important, but I'm worried because..."). I can usually tell her stuff now, although generally not while making eye contact. Sometimes I still go the written route because I like being able to say exactly what I want to say, which I can't always do when speaking. I don't think you should put a lot of pressure on yourself to feel like you have to talk about all of your feelings right now. You are where you are, and it might take a lot of baby steps to eventually get to where you want to be. That's okay.

[Borderline69]

Talking about feelings is a choice, some choose not too. I have a v easy time talking about my feelings when I choose too, for me it's about who I choose to share with. That said I often have difficulty articulating how I'm feeling, however I use pics if I have too.lol. my feelings can be quite intense and dark so trying to translate in a softer brighter way can be challenging.

If I feel overwhelmed or pressured I will instantly shut down, it has to be on my terms and pace. The more I'm pressured into opening up the bigger the gap and distance. I open up easy with ppl I love or have a lot of history with, other than that it feels awkward and totally unnecessary, makes me wonder why someone wants to see my emotional side, derpy derpy.

[SlumberKitty]

I struggle talking about feelings and just talking in general in therapy some days. More sessions than not. Like a lot of people said, I do better in writing, so my old T would let me email her and then we would talk about it--mostly she would--but it made the initial "getting it out" easier. I also started writing in a journal every day which seems to help because I can bring it with me to sessions and then read from that.

[SalingerEsme]

Originally Posted by RiverLight

It felt so terrible to give up a secret to someone I didn't know, and then just leave it there in uncaring hands when my time ran out. She didn't even look at me as I walked out of the office; she'd be on her cell phone as soon as I stood up.

This resonates so deeply with me. It puts words to my constant headache with therapy.