[CantExplain]

Hi guys!

Over the years I've noticed quite a few posts from people about issues that are too "pathetic" or "wierd" to bring up with T. Some have gone so far as to say they don't want their Ts to think they are mentally ill.

This feels odd to me. Surely T is the person you tell everything you can't tell anyone else?

Not mocking anyone: anxiety is real.
But to be anxious lest T think you're anxious... Well...

[CharlieStarDust]

Whenever I feel silly or weird about bringing something up, I always ask myself: who else am I supposed to tell these things to? Or when I think of why do I want to tell her something - it’s the same thing - that’s what she’s there for.

[DP_2017]

Emotions are hard for me, regardless of who it is.... I tend to shut down anything.... so yes I have to be "normal" in therapy. out of habit. I've had a few moments were I got deep or emotional but it's rare... and I usually feel like an idiot in those moments... again out of habit....

I think at this point, I'll either be in therapy for ages because this issue is so hard for me to deal with or I'll end up never really getting to deep and keeping things in forever... and just doing surface stuff. Who knows.

[Lrad123]

I have a hard time letting my guard down in front of my T for whatever reason. I can be much more honest in emails and he’s aware that that’s my process so he is ok with me emailing him, and then, ideally, we process it in person. I might never be able to bring things up in person, so thank God for email.

[katydid777]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

Emotions are hard for me, regardless of who it is.... I tend to shut down anything.... so yes I have to be "normal" in therapy. out of habit. I've had a few moments were I got deep or emotional but it's rare... and I usually feel like an idiot in those moments... again out of habit....

I think at this point, I'll either be in therapy for ages because this issue is so hard for me to deal with or I'll end up never really getting to deep and keeping things in forever... and just doing surface stuff. Who knows.

I am also like this, for most of the same reasons, and I have a fear that if I say too much I will be put back in a hospital, and I rely don't want that, so I always tell them things are working, and I'm not depressed, I don't think about the S word, and I don't see things that arn't there. The last one is true, I don't see things that arn't there. I know I should tell the Pdoc, and the T, but my fear keeps me from it. If things get so bad that I can't handle it, I will tell someone, I Promise!!!!!!!

Good point, CE. I was always completely myself with my therapist in terms of personality—jokes, tears, swearing, pouting, etc—but I did censor content and withhold a lot because it felt too vulnerable. It was mostly about resentment. Why tell this private, cradled detail to someone who has no interest in it anyway? She’ll take this info, toss it in some imaginary field with all the other details she doesn’t need in her life, and have a delicious dinner with her wealthy and successful children. How lovely for her.
She told me once that I’m not as easy to read as I assume I am with her (or she’s just terrible at reading people) so I’d have to spell things out for her. It took a long time for me to open up even mundane things. Ultimately, now, as much as I love bashing her, I would tell her just about anything—though I’d need some convincing and maybe two beers for the bigger stuff. But I can’t imagine ever telling her how much I stalk her on social media. For one thing, it might prompt her to change privacy settings. Who’d I stalk then??

I talk with her about anything and everything. I dont worry about what she thinks. I like that I can be myself around her. I have to keep so much of my life private. Its a relief to just be me around her.

[TrailRunner14]

We have talked about this a lot.

I don’t ever really feel like me, totally me, when I meet with him.

Very bad attachment issues growing up always has required a pretense part of me to be very forward. It’s a part that puts up a front that everything is good and I am just fine. That’s just a front.

That part of me can get very “thick” and forward, depending on what we are talking about or working through. That part is very protective of disclosing too much of me.

I’m working on trying to understand who and why it is and where it came from.

I hope that wasn’t too weird to share.

It is me.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by TrailRunner14

I hope that wasn’t too weird to share.

Not at all!

[stopdog]

I was not concerned about not being myself. I was myself - but I was concerned over the lack of information about what one was supposed to talk about that would be useful - I never understood the line between what was useful or not useful in general therapy.
I did not even concern myself with that when my person was sick because even a therapist could not have made that situation worse.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I never understood the line between what was useful or not useful in general therapy.

There is no such line. Anything you reveal about yourself, to yourself, may be important.

Aren't Ts trained to listen to asides, quips, slips, mutterings, blurts and profanity as a window into the subconscious? The less important the patient makes it, the more important it is!

(Whatever a patient says clearly and deliberately is probably a lie. )

[stopdog]

That is not true. Those guys write about clients who talk about the wrong things all the time. They clearly have some super secret idea of what should be talked about.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by stopdog

That is not true. Those guys write about clients who talk about the wrong things all the time. They clearly have some super secret idea of what should be talked about.

What I meant was there was no way the patient can tell what's right to talk about.

And frankly, I'm not impressed by Ts who blame the patient for sessions going in the wrong direction. Nor am I impressed by Ts who are so certain about what ought to be talked about that they don't listen to what the patient actually says.

Harrumph!

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by stopdog

That is not true. Those guys write about clients who talk about the wrong things all the time. They clearly have some super secret idea of what should be talked about.

Well I suppose there might exist people who go to therapy purely to troll the therapist...

[stopdog]

Trolling? What are you talking about?
No - what I am saying is that therapists indeed do have an idea of what a client should be talking about to help them with what they want helped. And that the client does not. And the therapist is very often not forthcoming. If anything the therapist would be trolling the client.

[SlumberKitty]

Originally Posted by Lrad123

I have a hard time letting my guard down in front of my T for whatever reason. I can be much more honest in emails and he’s aware that that’s my process so he is ok with me emailing him, and then, ideally, we process it in person. I might never be able to bring things up in person, so thank God for email.

Me too! My former T was really good at letting me email which I was afraid of over-doing at first until she finally convinced me that it was okay and that it was the way that I prefer to communicate and we built a lot of trust by me being able to "talk" on email. Then mostly she would talk about it in session but without email I would have never made as much progress as I did.

[koru_kiwi]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Surely T is the person you tell everything you can't tell anyone else?

logically, yes, this statement is true...that is the 'exclusive' service i am paying a large portion of my weekly wages for when i hire a T (because we all know that we are not paying them just to care or mother us ) but if a client struggles to tell all to their T, then to me, that is indicative of a lack of trust and insecurity in the relationship. and when i say 'relationship', i do mean that it can come from either the client or the T.

Originally Posted by CantExplain

And frankly, I'm not impressed by Ts who blame the patient for sessions going in the wrong direction. Nor am I impressed by Ts who are so certain about what ought to be talked about that they don't listen to what the patient actually says

agreed! my ex-T tried to derail my therapy and sessions with his own agenda and completly 'missed' me each and every time. so much more was going on for me than just 'mummy' issues.