[Lrad123]

I’m seeing a male psychodynamic therapist for issues that that at least right now are “mother issues.” In brief, I haven’t spoken to my mother for a year (my choice) because she is difficult and not emotionally available at all. We’ve had a lopsided relationship for a long time and I’ve catered to her pretty much nonstop until about a year ago when I decided I couldn’t do it any more and cut off ties. That’s also about the time that I started therapy. I expected my therapist to push me to reestablish contact with her, but instead he’s validated my decision to cut off contact and has told me that my mother is “difficult.” I’m a grown up, so I feel like at least in part I should not really need a mother, but I’m realizing that maybe there is a loss there for me. Anyway, I suppose these “mother issues” should have been obvious to me when I entered therapy, but they weren’t. Is it weird to be discussing this with a male therapist? He’s very nice and gentle and non-judgemental and even motherly, I suppose. It just feels a bit odd to confide in him about how I miss having a mom. To be fair, I’d probably have a hard time opening up to anyone about this regardless of their gender. In a way, I feel like I’m talking to him as though he’s a mother figure. Is that weird? Anyone else have this experience?

[DP_2017]

No its not weird. Male and female therapists are trained to handle all types of issues. Some clients prefer one to the other, like me....I cant open up to women so I have a Male and I'm female. I'm ok talking about periods and sex with him. Those are pretty awkward topics

If you like him, that's what matters

[toomanycats]

Nope. I've got mother (and father too) issues, and I have a male therapist. I even had maternal transference for my last therapist (also a male).

[maybeblue]

For me it's much more about personality and style than it is gender usually. It does seem to feel a little different though.

I have frequently brought up vaginas with my male therapist, which is a bit awkward. It's relevant though, so I do it anyway. He's OK about it, but it does seem that he has trouble relating maybe. He tries though. Everyone has a mother and father though (at least biologically), so I would think that it wouldn't be unusual to talk about mothers or fathers with either gender.

[LonesomeTonight]

I agree that it's not weird. I'm another person working on some mother issues (among other things) with a male therapist. I was with a female therapist, but that actually caused some issues due to some negative maternal transference (she was my mom's age, had some similar personality traits...). So I figured it was better to try a male this time to avoid that.

[Anne2.0]

I've had 2 longterm male T's and one F longterm T, and discussed my own version of mother issues with all of them, along with a bunch of other stuff. I can't say that gender of the T has had much to do with anything in the long run and I suspect it has more to do with how well each therapist fit with me. In therapy, I think that nothing is "weird" and probably everything is weird at the same time.

Your therapist sounds great. If it's working for you, motor on.

I had a male T only once for a short time when my mother died, and it was a negative experience for me for a string of reasons unrelated to this. But if I saw a male therapist now, I think it would be quite different.
The trouble with talking to a female T about mommy issues (as I have done) is it’s kind of awkward to be talking about something that may be directly related to the woman you’re talking to. I’d say things like, “I wish I could just be held by a maternal figure,” and of course that included her as she sat there with her arms crossed and no expression on her face. I couldn’t talk about maternal issues without trying to censor myself in a way that didn’t sound like I was being suggestive. I didn’t need her to hug me, but I still wanted to express that I wanted to be hugged. With a male t, I probably would have felt more free discussing the maternal transference that has bubbled up in my life for years and years. So if it’s helpful and comfortable, I say it’s not weird.

I basically could have written the OP. I was in therapy with my exT when I cut off contact with my mother a little over a year ago for similar reasons. I also spent a ton of time talking about that relationship with him. He was always very supportive. He even cited my progress in dealing with that toxic relationship as one of the high points of our therapy when we terminated.

Considering the fact that you're dealing with parental issues, it's not uncommon or weird at all that you regard the therapist as a parent figure.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

I don't think that's weird either. For what it's worth, I would say I have issues with my mom (though I don't talk about them in therapy) and see my T kind of like a mother.

[tomatenoir]

It's not weird. I have a male T and I talk about how impossible my mom was while I was growing up (she's mellowed since I got married, but was absolutely awful when I lived with her).

I actually prefer talking to a male about my mom issues.

[CantExplain]

Madame T insisted that the sex of the therapist is irrelevant, ie the patient can project both mother and father onto her as needed.


I have always been profoundly sceptical.

[WishfulThinker66]

I actually wish that my therapist was a man for when the time comes to discussing my own 'mother' issues.

As for your own situation, don't forget he had a mother too.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by RiverLight

... she sat there with her arms crossed and no expression on her face. I couldn’t talk about maternal issues without trying to censor myself in a way that didn’t sound like I was being suggestive.

I really relate to that! Ima PM you.

[Lrad123]

Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66

I actually wish that my therapist was a man for when the time comes to discussing my own 'mother' issues.

As for your own situation, don't forget he had a mother too.

I am thinking as others have said that in some way it may be even easier to discuss mother issues with a male therapist. Perhaps it’s less complicated.

As for knowing that my T has a mother, I am aware, maybe even too aware. I saw a FB photo that my T’s sister posted saying “Happy Mother’s Day to a mom who keeps on giving” or something like that. In the photo he’s hugging his mother and his sister. It sure doesn’t seem like he has mother issues although I know it’s just a photo. I guess I also understand that he doesn’t have to have had my issues in order to help me with them. Seeing that photo was strange though.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Lrad123

I am thinking as others have said that in some way it may be even easier to discuss mother issues with a male therapist. Perhaps it’s less complicated.

As for knowing that my T has a mother, I am aware, maybe even too aware. I saw a FB photo that my T’s sister posted saying “Happy Mother’s Day to a mom who keeps on giving” or something like that. In the photo he’s hugging his mother and his sister. It sure doesn’t seem like he has mother issues although I know it’s just a photo. I guess I also understand that he doesn’t have to have had my issues in order to help me with them. Seeing that photo was strange though.

Yeah, I'm finding it easier to discuss my mother issues with my male therapist. I could understand being upset by seeing that on Facebook, but remember that Facebook is not reality. People tend to put the best image of themselves out there. If someone from the outside looked at my Facebook, they'd probably be like "What could she possibly need therapy for? She looks like she has a wonderful, happy life!" Or even looking back at family photo albums, I'm smiling in some picture, but I remember that deep down, was horribly depressed and/or anxious at the time.