[musinglizzy]

Some of you know of the roller coaster I have been through with my therapist over the last four years. I found this place and started posting here the same month I started seeing her....just shortly before, I think. I most recently posted about her being involved in a lawsuit against former clients (a married couple). I let her know that I knew, and she offered to allow me to ask questions about it, but I chose not to. The few weeks have been a lot of back and forth, and now the rug has been pulled out from under me. One week she said she may have a couple of years left. Exactly one week later (I see her twice a week), she told me she is considering quitting seeing therapy clients at the end of the year. A week later, she confirmed that she is, in fact, quitting providing therapy. When I started with her, she owned her own practice (she is a psychologist), and had two other therapists working under her. She now has become an empire (my word,) she has 26 therapists, and three different locations. The first year working with her was mostly excellent. But then she started changing boundaries, taking things away that she had offered, Emails got shorter, and one thing that was eventually taken away was texting. I wasn't aware of it at that time, but she had started growing her business, and she also became a certified mediator, and was lessening her client numbers and increasing other duties. It was shortly after she took me on that she quit taking on new clients, and referred them to the other therapists working for her, a number that grew slowly at first, but then seemed to skyrocket. Had she been this "empire" when I started working with her, I never would have chose her.

So I have been seeing her twice a week for over four years. One thing that has stayed consistent is the option to contact her via Email in an unlimited fashion, and I'd often Email her once in between sessions. Even when she was away on vacations, she allowed herself to be available to me if needed. In some ways she was very harmful, but in other ways, she helped me a lot.

Initially, she said she'd end her role as a therapist at the end of the year, but she would consider me an exception, primarily because I am in treatment for an addiction, but the time I would have needed to finish up this program is longer than she would have been willing to do.

This post is more venting than anything, but T is INSISTING that I see one of the Ts that work for her, and spent some time choosing one she thought would be a good fit. I declined. Her reason for wanting me to do this is because she was able to "vet" my next therapist, she knows how she works and trusts her, and so she could "follow me" by keeping updated by this therapist. That right there is the main reason I strongly declined. She's quitting on me.... but wants to reserve the right to follow my progress anyway? No thanks. I told her I was quite capable of finding a therapist on my own, but I honestly don't know if I wish to continue therapy at all. She is rather frustrated that I'm not open to seeing her therapist.

She is also frustrated that I have given it a lot of thought, and I'm not sure I want to stick around till the end of the year. I'm finding my sessions, and the days after, quite painful, and I just don't see a reason to prolong it. I figure, the sooner I leave, the sooner I can learn how to move on with my life without her in it. I DO wonder if I would regret this decision... by not sticking around and helping to feel a sense of closure in these next few months...so I am somewhat struggling with that idea, but figure for now, I can just take things one session at a time, and see how it goes.

Anyway....I just wanted to "talk," I guess, but I would certainly take opinions on the choices I'm struggling with. I know separating myself from her is probably the best thing for me in the long run....but I always thought it would be a choice I was able to make on my own when I felt ready. Not something being forced upon me. Thanks for reading!

[coolibrarian]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

Some of you know of the roller coaster I have been through with my therapist over the last four years. I found this place and started posting here the same month I started seeing her....just shortly before, I think. I most recently posted about her being involved in a lawsuit against former clients (a married couple). I let her know that I knew, and she offered to allow me to ask questions about it, but I chose not to. The few weeks have been a lot of back and forth, and now the rug has been pulled out from under me. One week she said she may have a couple of years left. Exactly one week later (I see her twice a week), she told me she is considering quitting seeing therapy clients at the end of the year. A week later, she confirmed that she is, in fact, quitting providing therapy. When I started with her, she owned her own practice (she is a psychologist), and had two other therapists working under her. She now has become an empire (my word,) she has 26 therapists, and three different locations. The first year working with her was mostly excellent. But then she started changing boundaries, taking things away that she had offered, Emails got shorter, and one thing that was eventually taken away was texting. I wasn't aware of it at that time, but she had started growing her business, and she also became a certified mediator, and was lessening her client numbers and increasing other duties. It was shortly after she took me on that she quit taking on new clients, and referred them to the other therapists working for her, a number that grew slowly at first, but then seemed to skyrocket. Had she been this "empire" when I started working with her, I never would have chose her.

So I have been seeing her twice a week for over four years. One thing that has stayed consistent is the option to contact her via Email in an unlimited fashion, and I'd often Email her once in between sessions. Even when she was away on vacations, she allowed herself to be available to me if needed. In some ways she was very harmful, but in other ways, she helped me a lot.

Initially, she said she'd end her role as a therapist at the end of the year, but she would consider me an exception, primarily because I am in treatment for an addiction, but the time I would have needed to finish up this program is longer than she would have been willing to do.

This post is more venting than anything, but T is INSISTING that I see one of the Ts that work for her, and spent some time choosing one she thought would be a good fit. I declined. Her reason for wanting me to do this is because she was able to "vet" my next therapist, she knows how she works and trusts her, and so she could "follow me" by keeping updated by this therapist. That right there is the main reason I strongly declined. She's quitting on me.... but wants to reserve the right to follow my progress anyway? No thanks. I told her I was quite capable of finding a therapist on my own, but I honestly don't know if I wish to continue therapy at all. She is rather frustrated that I'm not open to seeing her therapist.

She is also frustrated that I have given it a lot of thought, and I'm not sure I want to stick around till the end of the year. I'm finding my sessions, and the days after, quite painful, and I just don't see a reason to prolong it. I figure, the sooner I leave, the sooner I can learn how to move on with my life without her in it. I DO wonder if I would regret this decision... by not sticking around and helping to feel a sense of closure in these next few months...so I am somewhat struggling with that idea, but figure for now, I can just take things one session at a time, and see how it goes.

Anyway....I just wanted to "talk," I guess, but I would certainly take opinions on the choices I'm struggling with. I know separating myself from her is probably the best thing for me in the long run....but I always thought it would be a choice I was able to make on my own when I felt ready. Not something being forced upon me. Thanks for reading!

If your sessions turn into arguments about her wanting you to see a certain T and you not wanting to, I can certainly understand you not wanting to wait until the end of the year to terminate.

[57AKeolu]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

Some of you know of the roller coaster I have been through with my therapist over the last four years. I found this place and started posting here the same month I started seeing her....just shortly before, I think. I most recently posted about her being involved in a lawsuit against former clients (a married couple). I let her know that I knew, and she offered to allow me to ask questions about it, but I chose not to. The few weeks have been a lot of back and forth, and now the rug has been pulled out from under me. One week she said she may have a couple of years left. Exactly one week later (I see her twice a week), she told me she is considering quitting seeing therapy clients at the end of the year. A week later, she confirmed that she is, in fact, quitting providing therapy. When I started with her, she owned her own practice (she is a psychologist), and had two other therapists working under her. She now has become an empire (my word,) she has 26 therapists, and three different locations. The first year working with her was mostly excellent. But then she started changing boundaries, taking things away that she had offered, Emails got shorter, and one thing that was eventually taken away was texting. I wasn't aware of it at that time, but she had started growing her business, and she also became a certified mediator, and was lessening her client numbers and increasing other duties. It was shortly after she took me on that she quit taking on new clients, and referred them to the other therapists working for her, a number that grew slowly at first, but then seemed to skyrocket. Had she been this "empire" when I started working with her, I never would have chose her.

So I have been seeing her twice a week for over four years. One thing that has stayed consistent is the option to contact her via Email in an unlimited fashion, and I'd often Email her once in between sessions. Even when she was away on vacations, she allowed herself to be available to me if needed. In some ways she was very harmful, but in other ways, she helped me a lot.

Initially, she said she'd end her role as a therapist at the end of the year, but she would consider me an exception, primarily because I am in treatment for an addiction, but the time I would have needed to finish up this program is longer than she would have been willing to do.

This post is more venting than anything, but T is INSISTING that I see one of the Ts that work for her, and spent some time choosing one she thought would be a good fit. I declined. Her reason for wanting me to do this is because she was able to "vet" my next therapist, she knows how she works and trusts her, and so she could "follow me" by keeping updated by this therapist. That right there is the main reason I strongly declined. She's quitting on me.... but wants to reserve the right to follow my progress anyway? No thanks. I told her I was quite capable of finding a therapist on my own, but I honestly don't know if I wish to continue therapy at all. She is rather frustrated that I'm not open to seeing her therapist.

She is also frustrated that I have given it a lot of thought, and I'm not sure I want to stick around till the end of the year. I'm finding my sessions, and the days after, quite painful, and I just don't see a reason to prolong it. I figure, the sooner I leave, the sooner I can learn how to move on with my life without her in it. I DO wonder if I would regret this decision... by not sticking around and helping to feel a sense of closure in these next few months...so I am somewhat struggling with that idea, but figure for now, I can just take things one session at a time, and see how it goes.

Anyway....I just wanted to "talk," I guess, but I would certainly take opinions on the choices I'm struggling with. I know separating myself from her is probably the best thing for me in the long run....but I always thought it would be a choice I was able to make on my own when I felt ready. Not something being forced upon me. Thanks for reading!

If this was happening to me, I would probably start looking for another psychologist right away. With all that going on, I would not be able to concentrate on the therapy/my issues at all.

[healinginprogress]

That's a very hard situation to be in. Have you brought up how her wanting to stop seeing you but keep following you makes you feel?

And to what extent? I believe even if they're in the same practice once your no longer her client she has no reason to talk about you specifically or see your files.

If my T choose to quit I would appreciate her referral since we've had a good relationship but not if I was having the same concerns that you are.

I think your one day at a time is the best thing right now! You take care of you.

[JaneTennison1]

It sounds a lot like my t1. She got really busy and really distracted. That meant a lot of ways that she used to provide care she no longer could which meant I was so anxious. It created a toxic environment that i was very glad to be out of.

In your position i would be reluctant to continue until the end of the year. Partly because it would be better for me to go knowing I could come back and partly because I would not wanting to deal with saying no to the other therapist repeatedly. No is a complete sentence and should not need repeating. Also then it is your choice and not hers.

It seems as though she cares but poorly and getting out might really help.

[SlumberKitty]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

Some of you know of the roller coaster I have been through with my therapist over the last four years. I found this place and started posting here the same month I started seeing her....just shortly before, I think. I most recently posted about her being involved in a lawsuit against former clients (a married couple). I let her know that I knew, and she offered to allow me to ask questions about it, but I chose not to. The few weeks have been a lot of back and forth, and now the rug has been pulled out from under me. One week she said she may have a couple of years left. Exactly one week later (I see her twice a week), she told me she is considering quitting seeing therapy clients at the end of the year. A week later, she confirmed that she is, in fact, quitting providing therapy. When I started with her, she owned her own practice (she is a psychologist), and had two other therapists working under her. She now has become an empire (my word,) she has 26 therapists, and three different locations. The first year working with her was mostly excellent. But then she started changing boundaries, taking things away that she had offered, Emails got shorter, and one thing that was eventually taken away was texting. I wasn't aware of it at that time, but she had started growing her business, and she also became a certified mediator, and was lessening her client numbers and increasing other duties. It was shortly after she took me on that she quit taking on new clients, and referred them to the other therapists working for her, a number that grew slowly at first, but then seemed to skyrocket. Had she been this "empire" when I started working with her, I never would have chose her.

So I have been seeing her twice a week for over four years. One thing that has stayed consistent is the option to contact her via Email in an unlimited fashion, and I'd often Email her once in between sessions. Even when she was away on vacations, she allowed herself to be available to me if needed. In some ways she was very harmful, but in other ways, she helped me a lot.

Initially, she said she'd end her role as a therapist at the end of the year, but she would consider me an exception, primarily because I am in treatment for an addiction, but the time I would have needed to finish up this program is longer than she would have been willing to do.

This post is more venting than anything, but T is INSISTING that I see one of the Ts that work for her, and spent some time choosing one she thought would be a good fit. I declined. Her reason for wanting me to do this is because she was able to "vet" my next therapist, she knows how she works and trusts her, and so she could "follow me" by keeping updated by this therapist. That right there is the main reason I strongly declined. She's quitting on me.... but wants to reserve the right to follow my progress anyway? No thanks. I told her I was quite capable of finding a therapist on my own, but I honestly don't know if I wish to continue therapy at all. She is rather frustrated that I'm not open to seeing her therapist.

She is also frustrated that I have given it a lot of thought, and I'm not sure I want to stick around till the end of the year. I'm finding my sessions, and the days after, quite painful, and I just don't see a reason to prolong it. I figure, the sooner I leave, the sooner I can learn how to move on with my life without her in it. I DO wonder if I would regret this decision... by not sticking around and helping to feel a sense of closure in these next few months...so I am somewhat struggling with that idea, but figure for now, I can just take things one session at a time, and see how it goes.

Anyway....I just wanted to "talk," I guess, but I would certainly take opinions on the choices I'm struggling with. I know separating myself from her is probably the best thing for me in the long run....but I always thought it would be a choice I was able to make on my own when I felt ready. Not something being forced upon me. Thanks for reading!

I think your T insisting that you see someone who works for her is presumptuous on her part. I think giving you referrals that include people that work for her would be okay but insisting that you see someone who works for her is the part that is off-putting to me. You certainly can find your own T if you so choose. It can be difficult, it can be a process, it's a process I'm in right now...my T got sick and she wasn't able to give me referrals so I'm trying out different T's trying to find a good one. It's hard though. If my T had offered me someone that she vetted, it probably wouldn't bother me, but the part about following your progress when she isn't your T anymore bothers me too. What about confidentiality? I don't know about when you should quit T. That seems like a difficult decision. Knowing the end is coming and probably having more difficult discussions about who you should see is hard. But maybe if you want to continue therapy, stay with that T while you find someone else that way you aren't stuck with no one. But sometimes taking a break from therapy is good too. I can't say if it is good for you because I don't know your situation. I'm sorry you are in such a difficult situation with your T. I hope whatever you choose to do works out the best for you.

[musinglizzy]

Thanks everyone for your replies. I honestly don't know why it bothers me so much that she wants me to stay in her practice so she can follow me.... since she supervises all of these therapists, I know they meet to discuss clients, etc occasionally.... but honestly, I just don't like the idea of her quitting, but insisting that she follow my progress, or lack there of. This has been a very hurtful relationship over the last three years, but attachment sucks. I just don't want it to happen again.

[Myrto]

I know you're attached to her and you think she has helped you but this therapist is and always has been terrible. You even said it yourself that you have been harmed by therapy. And now this woman still wants to control who you will be seeing next?? What's it to her? And she's frustrated that you are like "nope thank you, I'm fine"? This suggests that this is all about her but then again, from the way you've been describing your sessions (IIRC), it's always been all about her. I'm quite impressed that you want to move on. Personally I have not found it useful to have termination sessions: my last therapist insisted (therapists always seem to be the ones insisting on them. Ha! Wonder why) and I was like "meh. I Pass" I don't think any kind of closure can be achieved with the type of therapist you have. JMO. Good luck in any case!

[circlesincircles]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

Thanks everyone for your replies. I honestly don't know why it bothers me so much that she wants me to stay in her practice so she can follow me.... since she supervises all of these therapists, I know they meet to discuss clients, etc occasionally.... but honestly, I just don't like the idea of her quitting, but insisting that she follow my progress, or lack there of. This has been a very hurtful relationship over the last three years, but attachment sucks. I just don't want it to happen again.

Beyond the ethical murkiness of her following your progress after termination, it's concerning that she would directly profit from you staying within her clinic. Not by a huge amount, but to not offer you outside referrals in addition just adds to the shadiness of the whole thing.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with her poor boundaries and lack of professionalism.

[WarmFuzzySocks]

I see the desire to end therapy in your own timing, choose your next therapist, and even whether or not to continue therapy, as good boundaries and autonomous decision making. Seems she should be encouraging and supporting you in that instead of trying to control the outcome. I’m sorry it’s ending this way.

[rainbow8]

I'm sorry, ml. I think your decision is a wise one. I hope you can, when and if you're ready, find a more competent T. Yeah, I know attachment sucks. Hugs!

[kecanoe]

When T2 announced he was going to retire in the next year or so, I was devastated because I was super attached. I continued to see him for a while, trying to process my feelings and "get closure" to no avail. He was a decent T, and gave plenty of notice and didn't try to manipulate me about ending or any of that. But we decided after about 6 months that sessions were just retraumatizing me. So I quit seeing him. I was seeing other Ts.

When the time drew near that he was going to retire, I decided I wanted to ask some questions. He spent an hour on the phone with me, answered my questions honestly and kindly. At that point, I was ok with it. But I later learned that he continued to see some clients (and that he would have continued to see me) and I was honestly glad that I stopped when I did.


Given my tendencies, continuing to see a T who announced an end date for whatever reason wasn't helpful. If the same situation came up again, I would quit sooner.


And there is no way that I would start with a new T in old T's practice. I cannot see any way that it would be helpful to go to the same place every week and feel all the want-to-see-old-T feelings every week. Ugh.

I am sorry you are going thru this. It is very painful.

[ruh roh]

musing, you said in the first post of this thread that the lawsuit is against the clients??? That confuses me. I thought it was about clients who took action against her. I had no idea a therapist could sue clients, except for maybe if they didn't pay.

If you misspoke and it's the clients who are taking action against her, then I would be suspicious that her reason for keeping you in house is so that she could follow up on you, would be more about keeping tabs to make sure you don't take action against her. Even if it's not that, but just that she wants the income from her business, there is nothing about this person that suggests she has your interests at heart.

I am so sorry for how this has all turned out. I am glad, though, that you're able to get away from her.

[musinglizzy]

A married couple are taking action against her.

[Anne2.0]

I'm sorry you are going through this under especially difficult circumstances. When I found out I had to terminate with my first T in about three months, I found I wanted to go ahead and switch right away. I took a recommendation from him and she was a great fit for me.

It's your choice who you want to see in the future, not your almost ex-T. Do what's right for you. In the distressing circumstances you describe, I'd go elsewhere. My current T was once part of a small practice where he worked part time with a handful of other T's. Then it ballooned to a huge number very quickly, but before he left that practice, I did not enjoy the zeitgeist of what seemed like a therapeutic industrial complex. I am not sure therapy should be an industry, but I didn't like it for sure.

[musinglizzy]

Thanks. I definitely will NOT be seeing the T she suggested, or any other T in her practice. I do feel like she's looking out for her self more, not me. I do know it's not a financial thing with her though.

She doesn't agree with my wanting to quit early....she says we can do a lot of good work between now and the end of December, especially knowing that there is a time limit. But I know it will just prolong the pain I'm feeling. I hadn't thought of it that way, but it might also be useful for me to quit, knowing I have the option to go back for a session or two if I feel there are some unfinished issues to resolve.