I am worried my relationship with my therapist is becoming toxic, or that I am relying on them too much.

I have started to open up to them more on account of a break up, which was previously a key source of emoitional support for me. Now that has gone and simply because I am a reck from loosing the love my life I haven inevitably been more vunerable in sessions.

I am starting to realise she has a lot of power over me in terms of my decision making and I often walk away somehow agreeing with her and feeling better. However I don't like this power. Our exchange the other week didn't go very well and I have one more session before they are away for a couple of weeks. I don't want to go back and actually think the exchange was unhealthy.

I told them about something I wanted to try and how accomplishing this thing, which is semi difficult would give me a boast in confidence. They said it sounded too much of a challenge and I completely freaked out. I managed to express she had planted doubt in my mind and she agreed and apologised and said she didn't want me to get get hurt, but that wasn't her job. Anyway I haven't done this thing and inevitably feel like a failure and I don't want to talk to her about it because she treated me like I was too weak and therefore unable/incapable of carry out this thing. I just feel like she drained me of my confidence and whenever we have exchanges like this she affirms I need to tell her to stop asking questions when I feel threatened. Which is true, I have very poor sense of boundary setting especially when I am vulnerable, but in session my whole self if focused on not freaking out I don't have the energy to tell her to shut up. I also feel she gets annoyed and her default is to put this on me because she don't know what to do with it. Thing is neither do I and I have no sense of self at the moment to deal with the best of a situation.
Our relationship is getting better, but I still feel like if I was to completely freak she wouldn't be able to hold that in a therapeutic sense.

[Raging Quiet]

Are you able to change to another therapist? If it is therapy arranged or funded by NHS (Improving access to Psychological Therapies -IAPT programme) you should be able to request a change of therapist.

Or, you could show her this entry or try to speak about your feelings to your next session, if you feel brave enough.

Vulnerability is something a lot of us feel in therapy, opening up can be really difficult and life changing. However, saying that, no therapist should have any additional power to you and make you feel so rotten. Does she help/ has she helped you in any way at all?

(((Big hugs)))

[SlumberKitty]

Its hard to know without more information but your therapist shouldn't have more power over you with your decision making unless you are in danger to yourself or others. T's are there to help, not make decisions for you. Being more vulnerable is often a natural part of therapy because it takes opening up to often get more help. I'm sorry that it makes you feel the power imbalance. Can you talk to your T about how you feel about this?