[stopdog]

Has the therapist you hire/hired ever expressed surprise over what they do not know about you but then find out? Like if they attributed a client feeling better because of therapy but really it was because the client figured out a better way of doing something on their own? Did the assumption that was incorrect piss you off? Do assumptions by a therapist piss you off in general? Why don't they just ask?

[emeraldheart]

So far, my T always asks and checks with me first before he makes a statement about what I might be feeling/doing, etc.

Although there are times when he would say something like “So you feel x and that’s why you do x” and he always follows it up with “Is that an accurate statement at all?”

Or he would say “I have a theory. Would you like to hear it?”

If I say yes, then he says “Let me know if it’s right or if I am completely off”

Ha! Yes. I saw a terrible therapist many years ago for only a handful of sessions, and he was very self-consciously progressive in that he wanted to be so knowledgeable of and sensitive to all subcultures and minorities. Certainly an admirable thing, but it would sometimes get in the way. He'd try to relate to me "as a lesbian," and he got almost everything wrong. It would have been far more annoying if it weren't so hilarious and ridiculous. Once, KD Lang was in town, and he asked if I was going to the show. Because of course I'd be going, ya know, since I have short hair and all! He was also looking to buy a new car and asked me what I thought of Subarus. It was really quite amazing. I liked him in a "he's like a cartoon" kind of way, but there was no way I could ever speak to him seriously about anything in my life.

[velcro003]

My T has never expressed surprise at what I bring up that she hasn't known. She also never assumes anything about me. She's good that way.

[chihirochild]

Hahahaaaa why yes indeed.

My new T, who is a bit thick, said at our most recent session that at the time he had thought that our first meeting went well. As soon as he and I started in therapy proper, I relieved him of that misunderstanding.

Last Friday he said, "I worry that I might fall into the trap of mis-reading you. Maybe it was just my own cockiness but I really thought that we had a good rapport that first time we met--you spoke freely about your psych history, about the time you've spent in therapy." To which I replied, "yes, I've been well trained to give a thorough and concise patient history. And the point of that initial meeting was to assess whether or not I was appropriate for this program you work for, not some kind of therapeutic dyad--there was no reason to let on that I was frustrated with you, or that I thought your diagnostic approach was rash." He didn't especially like that, but he took it gracefully enough.

To be honest, this situation baffles me more than it annoys me--how the hell could this poor fool have been a therapist for all these years and still have *zero idea* when the person sitting across from him thinks he's a complete moron?

[chihirochild]

It reminds me of something a professor said to me once: "you need to find a therapist who is smarter than you are, or else it'll never work."

I wonder if that's true?

[kecanoe]

T3 sometimes shows surprise. The most recent was when I was telling her that my chiro, who I see weekly, noticed that a long-term knot in my back was gone. She was not surprised that the soreness was gone but she was surprised that I see a chiro. I wondered why that would surprise her: I mean that going to a chiro does not seem like an odd thing to do nor does it seem to me to be something that would necessarily be talked about in session.


She was surprised by my political leanings. There have been other things too. I think it is good for her to be surprised by me. I agree that she shouldn't make assumptions and that she should ask. Although I am generally ok if she assumes that things are getting better for me because of what I do in her office.

[scorpiosis37]

Yes, my ex-T has been surprised before— and I’ve been surprised by how far odd track she was! For instance, a few years ago, I was assigned to teach a course in a subfield I don’t care for at all— and T said “oh that will be so much better! X is so much better than Y!” I looked at her blanket, and then reminded her that she is interested in X subfield and I am not— my PhD and publications are in Y field, which she basically just insulted. Another time, I mentioned how insanely busy I was editing and writing new articles and she looked surprised. She said “all I thought you had was free time.” She apparently didn’t understand that summers is when professors do their own writing and research and course prepping. We don’t have summers to twiddle our thumbs or sit on beaches. I work 60 hours weeks all summer! How has she known me for years and not figured that out?

[koru_kiwi]

ex-T wasn't just surprised...he was, and i quote, 'shocked' when i proclaimed at my session that it was the last one i was going to pay for because i was ready to officially terminate and move forward in life with out him. he was 'shocked' because he believed that i still had a lot of issues to work on and address, that i needed therapy and him to assist with. i don't deny that i still didn't have issues to address, but i was no longer interested in paying him to help me with stuff that i felt i was competent to address myself or with my husbands support. i guess he wasn't really paying as much of attention those last 12 months as i was starting to feel better in myself and improve in my underlying trauma symptoms. it honestly blindsided him that i was ready to venture out into the wide world without his assistance any further. i reckon he became a bit naive and nonchalant about my therapy with him and figured i was going to continue to be in therapy to help to fund all those overseas holidays and other fun toys he liked to purchase

[WishfulThinker66]

I have had to explain to my therapist the ongoing actions and events that contributed to my PTSD from the military and how my civilian life has exacerbated it. She appears to me to have likely been a popular girl as a youth, and judging by her clothes, office, car obviously has had an easier time in life. She seems unable to relate to what I have told her. I know she tries, but I also know at times she just doesn't get it. For example, I had related to her the sickening and upsetting experience of encountering a man who's demeanor suggested military and she was more concerned upon how I would know that than the resulting emotions his presence triggered.

[SlumberKitty]

New T I saw one time recently was surprised when I told her I self harmed. Not sure why she was surprised. I was wearing long sleeves in triple digit heat.

[stopdog]

Both of the ones I hired did when they finally listened to how I experienced therapy. and I cannot figure out why it was a surprise. I explicitly told them. Time and time again. I don't know how I could have been clearer.

[feralkittymom]

Can't say it ever happened with former T, but current T expressed surprise--several times, even--when I told her something about a former career path. She kept saying, "I can't believe you waited over a year to tell me this!" Since I changed paths over 30 years ago, I didn't consider it germane, and only mentioned it at that moment because it did relate to what I was talking about at the time. I decided it was more about her interest, rather than about my not telling earlier.

[annielovesbacon]

Not the specific example you mentioned, but about a year ago I mentioned something about drinking whenever I feel sad (or something to that nature). She said, "I didn't know you used alcohol as a coping mechanism."
I thought, "Well of course you didn't know, how could you have if I never told you?"
I just thought it was kind of a weird reaction on her part.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by chihirochild

It reminds me of something a professor said to me once: "you need to find a therapist who is smarter than you are, or else it'll never work."

I wonder if that's true?

This is a popular theory.

PS: Some of us have difficulty finding a therapist that smart.

[weaverbeaver]

My t has been surprised many times before, which surprises and shocks me.
I told her this one thing many times before and recently I told her this and she made a whole big deal out of it and suggested reporting this man.
I said seriously, I told you this many times before and she looked shocked and basically accused me of lying because had she of known this she would have reported him years ago!
I was like hmmmm.... I think my therapist is going crazy!