Can anyone relate?

So I mostly struggle with opening up and expressing myself, which after 3 years it has finally becoming easier and I think I now really trust that I can tell my therapist anything. What is still hard for me though is actually showing my feelings. I can actually smile or laugh at really sad stuff.

But at times I can feel my emotions quite intensely. But then I tend to shut down and I'm not really able to say anything. He asks me to come back or stay with the feeling. Or talk from that feeling? I have no idea what to say! And I can't even describe what it is that I'm feeling which I find very frustrating after all this time. He is really nice and warm so I know it's not him I'm worried about anymore, it's me that still gets frozen at times. And then I start overthinking and worry if I should let it out or not and then the moment is gone. And didn't really get anywhere and I am not able to explain what is going on with me again.

There's some topics I need to talk about more but because of this I'm not really able to and usually I just brush them off. But it always comes back to hunt me so I would like to overcome this. I'm not even sure how to explain all this. But how can I stay with the feelings instead of going to overthinking mode? This is so weird. Can anyone relate?

I can relate. I do that too. I don't know how to stop the shutting down part or to stay with the feeling. But maybe you can talk to your T about how you shut down and aren't able to stay with the feeling. He might be able to give you some ideas on how to do that. One thing my former T did was ask me how I was feeling inside of my body. So I might respond by saying, my stomach hurts, or its hard to breathe, and then we would talk about that.

It is a process that takes time. I don't think there is any way to substantially speed it up. It is about developing trust and being able to feel comfortable enough to be yourself. You can't force it. I know it's frustrating but I think it's best to just accept that that's the way things are for now and they are this way for a reason. It should go easier as the relationship with the T develops over time.

I know that this is not what you probably wanted to hear and you would probably want some tips of how to make it happen but I'm afraid there are not tips other than being patient and trying to accept the things the way they are. I myself can relate very well and after 5 years I haven't found any other way.

Thank you, this doesn't give me lot of hope, but I think you're right, acceptance is the key, which is something I struggle with in general. Trust is growing but probably still in recess and being comfortable enough to be myself is a huge challenge. It has been all easier, but it does take lot of time and I can't believe his patience sometimes. But I think I should really try to accept it for what it is and not push it. Thanks for your input.