[CantExplain]

I hope you'll forgive me if this is a touchy subject. I come from a place of curiosity, caring, and extreme ignorance. I've asked a therapist friend, but she says she hasn't studied it yet.

What is the role of talk therapy? I can imagine three approaches:
a) Work with the alters individually to help with their individual problems.
b) Work as a kind of "marriage counsellor" to improve relations between alters.
c) Work to "integrate" the alters.

Alters as in DID?
with me, each inside person gets their own time to talk to our therapist. They are each working on their own issues. It must exhaust my therapist because there are dozens of us. She does also try to improve relationships among all of us. We do not work on integration because we dont want it, and our therapist does not believe it works anyway.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Starry_Night

Alters as in DID?
with me, each inside person gets their own time to talk to our therapist. They are each working on their own issues. It must exhaust my therapist because there are dozens of us. She does also try to improve relationships among all of us. We do not work on integration because we dont want it, and our therapist does not believe it works anyway.

Thanks!

Yes, I did mean DID, but DID includes the word "disorder", which I feared might be offensive.

(As an Aspergic, I object to the phrase "Asperger's Disorder". It's not a disease, any more than being gay is a disease. But that's not what I want to talk about here.)

[mostlylurking]

You can refer to it as multiplicity, if you want to avoid the "disorder" word. And thanks for teaching me the word Aspergic.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by mostlylurking

You can refer to it as multiplicity, if you want to avoid the "disorder" word. And thanks for teaching me the word Aspergic.

"Aspie" is also acceptable. It seems to be what we call ourselves.

id be more than willing to share more information with you but via PM as im afraid it could be highly triggering/and or offensive and thats the last thing i would want

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by invisible butterfly

id be more than willing to share more information with you but via PM as im afraid it could be highly triggering/and or offensive and thats the last thing i would want

Yes please!

[mostlylurking]

This is a long list of issues to be worked on in therapy for those who are multiple. That's at a very good site, Discussing Dissociation, which has great information.

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Yes please!

done and done!

[doogie]

For me, my T works with my system more in the way a family therapist might work with a 'real' family. We are working toward being a more cohesive unit, not having secrets, all getting along, and working together for the best results for our/my life. It helps that my T is family systems trained. It helps her conceptualize things better.

[ruh roh]

If someone called me a multiple, I'd want to punch them. I think it's insulting.


Therapy for this kind of dissociation is laborious, time consuming, messy, and expensive. Integration is not really a goal, but cooperation is. First though, there is usually a lot of trauma to work through and daily living issues. A lot of people with DID are high functioning, so therapy works on the areas where there are problems in life. I can't relate at all to the very dramatic kind sometimes portrayed on forums, with the baby talk and nonsense. DID is a way to function and survive. It's hidden.

[mostlylurking]

Originally Posted by ruh roh

If someone called me a multiple, I'd want to punch them. I think it's insulting.

I apologize if the word is insulting. I was using it as an adjective, as an alternative to terms including the word "disorder". It's a word I run across online, and particularly seems to be used by people engaged in advocacy, so I thought this was the more progressive term to use. It does seem more inclusive, since not everyone with dissociated identities feels they have a disorder.

Again, I am sorry if it's disrespectful in your view, that wasn't intended.

[koru_kiwi]

Originally Posted by mostlylurking

This That's at a very good site, Discussing Dissociation, which has great information.

agreed....lots of info here that has been incredibly helpful and supportive for me over the years

[koru_kiwi]

Originally Posted by ruh roh

Therapy for this kind of dissociation is laborious, time consuming, messy, and expensive. Integration is not really a goal, but cooperation is. First though, there is usually a lot of trauma to work through and daily living issues. A lot of people with DID are high functioning, so therapy works on the areas where there are problems in life. I can't relate at all to the very dramatic kind sometimes portrayed on forums, with the baby talk and nonsense. DID is a way to function and survive. It's hidden.

well said....

and one needs to find a T who has a lot of patience and understanding to be able to work with this kind of dissociation and the truama behind it.

im sorry you find the word multiple insulting. it is hard to find a descriptive word to correctly convey it i think. it is my personal belief-and i only claim this as my experiences-that there are differing levels of DID. and each system is so individually unique in how it functions and how it was created. but i no longer keep mine hidden which again is my own personal choice. how our system came into existence however is not something i would feel safe publicly sharing so that is definitely kept hidden. however i dont like the label "disorder" so i usually will just say my system.

[ruh roh]

Dissociative is a term that works for me, but really I just prefer to be regarded as a person who's working through trauma. Unfortunately, the word trauma has been so overused and watered down that it's almost meaningless, but at least with some therapists it provides a framework that's helpful.

Originally Posted by ruh roh

Dissociative is a term that works for me, but really I just prefer to be regarded as a person who's working through trauma. Unfortunately, the word trauma has been so overused and watered down that it's almost meaningless, but at least with some therapists it provides a framework that's helpful.

YES that!!! especially what you said about trauma.

I dont mind being called multiple. But, I am very hard to offend with anything. I definitely dont feel as if I have a disorder. I dont have any problems functioning, I have a full time ( 60-70hr a week) job, I pay all my bills, and I am happily married. So I like the term multiple more than DID. But DID is fine too.
Definitely check out discussing dissociation if you want more info. There are over 400 articles, thousands of comments, and 24 videos I think. Tons of resources.

[Amyjay]

I had talk therapy alone in the past and it wasn't helpful for me at all. I slipped into trauma states and became stuck there, sitting in silence through many sessions.
Now my T uses a combo of talk therapy, EMDR, mindfulness and family systems therapy and it much more helpful for me nd my system.

[mostlylurking]

Originally Posted by ruh roh

Dissociative is a term that works for me, but really I just prefer to be regarded as a person who's working through trauma.

I understand that the language is important. You were very kind to me back in April when I lost my T, so I was pretty surprised to read you'd want to punch me. Obviously words can evoke an emotional response and I have apologized.

But everyone with DID has different preferences and I think that unless you've told someone what yours are, it's unfair to jump down their throats for using different language. You may hate the words I used, but they are in common usage in culture, if not by therapists. People's experiences with this are quite different and I think that's why the words they prefer also differ. I had no intention of offending anyone and was responding to the OP's concern with the word "disorder," and providing a link I thought others might find helpful. Clearly there was no disrespect intended.

My loved one's experience is of the sort you said you can't relate to at all, and described as a "very dramatic" "portray[al]," -- as in acting? -- involving "nonsense" and perhaps not DID at all, since it wasn't very well hidden and her people cannot "pass" for one another. (Yes, they've survived and functioned, but people have noticed many things over the years.) The very young children in the system speak like very young children, in pitch, pronunciation, and verbal abilities, and there is a toddler who comes out who barely can speak at all. They consider themselves to be separate people living in one body, so for them, your language would be offensive. But again -- only if you knew them, they'd told you this, and you didn't respect their preferred language.

Apologies that this is not on the subject of the original post. I wanted to say something about acceptance, here. And honestly I just feel upset at the whole "I want to punch you" thing and think that is not an okay reaction.

[koru_kiwi]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I hope you'll forgive me if this is a touchy subject. I come from a place of curiosity, caring, and extreme ignorance. I've asked a therapist friend, but she says she hasn't studied it yet.

What is the role of talk therapy? I can imagine three approaches:
a) Work with the alters individually to help with their individual problems.
b) Work as a kind of "marriage counsellor" to improve relations between alters.
c) Work to "integrate" the alters.

are you familiar with Janina Fisher and her new book 'Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors: Overcoming Internal Self-Alienation'?

Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors: Overcoming Internal Self-Alienation: Janina Fisher: 9780415708234: Amazon.com: Books

her book is not specifically about DID, but about a concept that she terms 'structural dissociation', which is quite common or relatable in those who have a history of complex PTSD or developmental trauma. i'm currently making my way through her book (more out of curiosity because i have already completed a lot of my own internal healing) and it's very interesting as a way for those who have suffered from early trauma and abuse to overcome many of their internal issues by identifying and connecting with 'parts' of themselves, but not necessarily fully dissociated DID parts/alters.

The only thing that “offends “ me (and again, its not much, Im hard to offend) is that I see so many people in the world who seem like theyre trying to have DID. Or WANT to have DID. I may be totally wrong- but that is how their posts or stories sound. DID is not something I would wish on an enemy. Its not something cool to have, or trendy, or fun.
I have gotten used to having DID and I dont mind it now, but it was a very long and painful journey to get to this point.

I believe talk therapy for DID is integrating the alter. I do not have any knowledge about DID therapy however I think DID therapies are mostly for integrating the alters. Since DID is caused by having a "split personality" (not really multiple personalities), the most obvious goal of therapy should be to integrate these alters and minimize dissociation. It is reported it works often.

[ruh roh]

Originally Posted by mostlylurking

I understand that the language is important. You were very kind to me back in April when I lost my T, so I was pretty surprised to read you'd want to punch me. Obviously words can evoke an emotional response and I have apologized.

But everyone with DID has different preferences and I think that unless you've told someone what yours are, it's unfair to jump down their throats for using different language. You may hate the words I used, but they are in common usage in culture, if not by therapists. People's experiences with this are quite different and I think that's why the words they prefer also differ. I had no intention of offending anyone and was responding to the OP's concern with the word "disorder," and providing a link I thought others might find helpful. Clearly there was no disrespect intended.

My loved one's experience is of the sort you said you can't relate to at all, and described as a "very dramatic" "portray[al]," -- as in acting? -- involving "nonsense" and perhaps not DID at all, since it wasn't very well hidden and her people cannot "pass" for one another. (Yes, they've survived and functioned, but people have noticed many things over the years.) The very young children in the system speak like very young children, in pitch, pronunciation, and verbal abilities, and there is a toddler who comes out who barely can speak at all. They consider themselves to be separate people living in one body, so for them, your language would be offensive. But again -- only if you knew them, they'd told you this, and you didn't respect their preferred language.

Apologies that this is not on the subject of the original post. I wanted to say something about acceptance, here. And honestly I just feel upset at the whole "I want to punch you" thing and think that is not an okay reaction.

Back up. I did not say I want to punch you. Sheesh. I said if someone called me that, I would want to punch them. Why don't you just back off me, how about that? All I did in my post was talk about my experience. Unlike you, I don't proclaim to speak for other people. Again, do not quote me in your posts on this. Leave me alone. Speak for yourself only.

[ruh roh]

I am sorry CE, this is your thread, but I do thank you for asking people who experience this, what therapy is like. It just floors me when people who don't have it can go on and on and lecture others about it. There is a lot that is not available online, mixed with people who as StarryNight referred to, seem to want to have it. I feel badly for anyone who might want it, as there is surely something going on that they need support for. But like SN said, this is nothing to want to have. The therapy for it is not enjoyable--at least if it is, I have not gotten to that part. Anyway, I am sorry to you CE for getting upset. This is a hot button issue for me. I don't typically talk about it and will probably not do so again.