Are those hugs a good thing or not?

I see a T who works in a holistic way (mind, body, soul) and she has now and then offered me a hug. It has been in situations after I´ve been crying and touching deeper issues.


I´m not used to get hugs from therapists but theoretically I´m not pro nor con hugs as I think it depends on the client and on the therapist in the actual situation.

This is not at all a situation of her showing inappropriate feelings towards me nor that I´m afraid she´ll exploit me but I´m a bit worried how getting hugs could affect me and therapy in the long run.

I´m wary of my attachment to her and if I begin to idealise her. I´m, ambivalent towards the hugs as in one way I feel they deepens my trust but in another way I feel it´s wrong as she´s not there to give me a hug in any other situation besides during our session. (And shouldn´t be).

This it not something I will share with her, at least not for a while, as she always asks me first if I want a hug and then I say "yes" to that. But after three or four hugs (during ten months time) I begin to hesitate about it.

How to reason around this?

If you started feeling uncomfortable about hugs you have the right to refuse them and, I think, whenever there is ambivalence it's better to set your boundary then to continue the ritual you are no longer fully comfortable with.

I'm not quite sure I understand your question. It sounds like you don't want your T to hug you any more.


If you want her to stop hugging you, all you have to do is say "no". If you feel like explaining why, that might make you feel better. But you don't need to explain yourself, if you don't want to. You're allowed to turn down hugs if they don't feel good.

You should share your thoughts with her. It might be tied to other issues that you're working on. And even if not, Ts are there to listen and understand us. I don't see any reason not to share your feelings about this to her.