[ScrewedUpMe]

Hi,

I had seen my therapist for 10 years...she announced in January that she Would be retiring in September. She had alWays told me that I Was like a daughter to her, that she Would alWays be there for me, I had her mobile and home numbers and Was alloWed to call her anytime and other clients Were not. She helped me out several times in a crisis. She told me she loved me noW and then and alWays hugged me When she saW me. She texted me too to ask if I Was ok after a bad session etc. When she talked about retiring she first said that nothing needs to change, she can still see me, I just can't pay her and it Would be irregular. The more I asked about hoW things Would Work exactly, the more she changed things. I Was so confused and upset and trying to get some clarity around What sort of relationship We Would have. She then admitted she had caused me distress and confusion and started to retract things saying she thinks she should help me find another therapist and that she can't be my therapist anymore. She didn't say if We could still see each other or not. She several times said We had a long and special relationship.

the last time I saW her Was When she suggested I find another therapist. I said I don't need a therapist as such...she said "so it's me you Want?". I felt so embarrassed and ashamed that I ran out and left. I couldn't deal With it. I did then send T a long email saying that she had changed her mind and changed What she Was offering me over and over and that I Was upset and hurt etc and that What she said about me Wanting her made me feel ashamed and needy. I said she is like an aunt or mum to me, someone Who can offer advice etc and that it is really valuable to me. And that she means so much to me. T didn't really reply to that saying she didn't Want to cause more distress. We didn't communicate for a month or so then she sent an email asking hoW i Was and suggesting We meet to discuss support for me going forWard. I didn't reply. I Was too distraught. I only replied at the end of August and apologised. SomehoW I felt it didn't matter if she Was retired or not since she had offered to keep seeing me anyWay. I tried to be groWn up and reasonable in my email and she sent a nice long email back but it felt like a very final email and no offering of meeting or seeing other again etc. I sent a further feW emails and have noW got myself in such a state. I need an opinion or to on hoW it all comes across. I feel like I Want to sue her right noW since I am going to need therapy to get over this and I have already paid thousands to her.

[peacelizard]

I think she's very inappropriate, likely bordering on unethical and in gross violation of her professional guidelines. I also think even putting that aside and chalking it up to the best of intentions she doesn't have your best interest in mind and is likely doing you much more harm than good. Obviously that's easier said than done and ultimately up to you, but I would keep my distance and try to find someone else.

[Ididitmyway]

I am so sorry you have to deal with this..

It was extremely unethical of her to promise you that she'd be seeing you after retirement. I think, it was also unethical of her to conduct therapy in such a manner that she was acting more like a mother towards you than a professional regardless of how much you liked it and how much you felt it was helping you.

She was supposed to understand your vulnerable position and how her actions would create unrealistic hopes and expectations in you that could cause you trauma later, which is exactly what's happening right now. You are traumatized because of her careless, irresponsible, unprofessional action.

You do have the right to sue her or to report her to the board or both. I do want to say that pursuing legal actions is a very emotionally challenging process for a traumatized person to go through. So, take a realistic assessment of whether going through it would be healing or more traumatizing.

[growlycat]

She should make sure you have continuity of care with another provider. I had a similar strong bond with a long term therapist. He never promised to see me in retirement but then again he said he would never retire. The hard part of having such s strong bond is when things inevitably have to change. I had to move out of state for work not knowing that this would keep him from doing phone therapy with me eventually.

I see another t now and it was helpful to know I can bond with others, that old t isn’t my last chance at being cared about.

Your t would be doing the right thing in helping you find s new t. Maybe she can still be in your life but it can’t be the same. You may not see her as much etc. but know that you can be ok. It is a hard change to make but has it’s upside.