[jordan94]

I am into my 9th month of psychotherapy and I still feel like we have nothing. I am still very anxious in our sessions and struggle to be real and honest with her. I know I have put up a wall, and after becoming attached in the past strongly I think I must be protecting myself. But I want that bond that you are meant to have with your therapist. I know it is a big part of the healing but right now it all seems meaningless. it is affecting me a lot and would really appreciate your thoughts on what might be happening/if this is normal/how I can change it.

thanks

[zoiecat]

I have been seeing my T for almost 2 years. I am not attached at all. I do not understand when people talk about a connection. Sometimes I don't even like the man. But he is helping me get better despite all of this. I don't think one necessarily has to bond wirh a T to improve their life.

I never bonded with 99% of my teachers through school and college but I still learned a lot and graduated summa cum laude. T are similar to teachers. They teach you the skills to improve your life. They guide you through the difficult times or help you deal with the past.

Bonding, connection, or attachment is not a requirement in my opinion.

[SlumberKitty]

I didn't bond with my first T who I saw for three years. She did help me and I learned some things from her particularly with dealing with SH. She was the first person I opened up to about that, but I didn't bond with her. I did bond with my second T. I don't know what the difference was. I think it was just the relationship was different. They were caring in different ways. I don't think I was ready to bond with anyone with T1 but with T2 I was, but maybe if I hadn't had the experience with T1 I wouldn't have been able to bond with T2. I don't think its a requirement for good therapy. Its kind of painful actually.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

I agree with zoiecat, though lots of people get attached and feel that's a huge part of therapy, it's certainly not necessary. Some people get attached, some do not. It depends on the person. That being said, if you feel that you'd like to change this part, if you feel that this somehow doesn't feel right to you or whatever, I think it's worth trying to explore it.

You say that you put up a wall because you had issues with being very attached in the past. And that you'd like to experience some form of bond with your T, but have troubles with it because of your past. Have you ever talked to her about that? Sometimes it can be helpful to just talk about whatever you are currently feeling is an issue, without knowing how you could change that. Then both of you know that you'd like to work on this thing and your T can give you input on it and maybe help you get where you'd like to be.

[satsuma]

I think whether or not you 'need' a bond or close relationship really depends on the kind of therapy that you are doing. I have a close (therapeutic) relationship with my T, but then we are doing schema therapy and I think it relies on a close therapeutic relationship because that's actually part of the therapy. But for other kinds of therapy that isn't the case.

For me the question is: are you finding the therapy helpful? Does it address the things that you wanted to address that took you to therapy, or do you find it a constructive and helpful thing?

If you are, then I would say that's the most important. Or on the other hand if you feel you are not really making progress, then perhaps it would be worth trying out some other Ts to see if you can find one that you feel more comfortable with.

[88Butterfly88]

Sometimes there just isn't a good fit between the client and therapist. If you feel the lack of a bond is getting in the way of treatment and you'd be better with someone else you could try switching. Otherwise maybe the lack of a bond isn't so terrible.